My mind's going a million miles an hour in a two foot circle...

Alexander

Hey everyone, my name is Alex and I'm 15. I need some advice on what I should do. Ever since I figured out I was gay (the day after Valentine's Day), I haven't been the same. After a while of questioning myself, I finally told my best friend, Shalia. She took it well, but she still thinks it's freaky. My mom also knows, but she cheated, she read my journal (who invented those, anyway?) I'm not ready for sex, and I personally don't need it in a relationship. But that's not the point, the point is: I think I'm in love with Shalia! We've been friends since kindergarten, and we are EXACTLY ALIKE! We finish each others sentences, we think the same way, and we can practically read each others minds, even when we don't try. I love her so much! I think she feels the same way, but I'm not sure. I don't want to tell her that I like her because I don't want that to screw up our friendship. I can't stop thinking about her, but I can't just do nothing. She'd think I was crazy if I said I needed a hug all of the sudden. I've also been depressed about being gay. I was raised up in a Southern Baptist Church, which obviously frowns down on homosexuality. At one point I thought about suicide because I though God hates me, but I'm over it now. I'm just really confused about being gay, and loving Shalia. On another note, I'm not strong physically, but intellectually and emotionally I'm extremely strong. Because of puberty though, I've completely lost control of my emotions, and my grades are reflecting it. I actually made a C in Physical Science! I'm basically in a negative cycle, I can't stay happy for more than an hour, and then it's back to being depressed. Apparently I hide it well, because it shocked that crap out of Shalia when I told her I was extremely depressed. I've also been losing sleep. My mind just won't shut down. Also, at times like this, I feel so lonely. Like, nobody even cares I exist. Like my kindness goes unheard, and I get stepped on instead. Sorry if I sound stupid, and a little choppy. My mind is racing, and my fingers can't keep up

So ya... what can I do to help my depression without taking pills, and to suppress my feelings for Shalia?

star_crossd

Hey, Alex, welcome to TH

Sounds like a lot is on your mind! It'd probably be best to first just take a step back, take a breath and clear it all away for a moment before going back and handling these one at a time. Are you sure your love for Shalia isnt more of a "best friend" kind of love?

Alexander

Quote:

Originally Posted by star_crossd

Hey, Alex, welcome to TH

Sounds like a lot is on your mind! It'd probably be best to first just take a step back, take a breath and clear it all away for a moment before going back and handling these one at a time. Are you sure your love for Shalia isnt more of a "best friend" kind of love?

Haha, okay. I've thought about that, and I'm pretty sure it's more than a "best friend" kind of love. I mean, when I'm around her, my world lights up, and I forget about all of my problems. I can't really put how I feel into words. Anyways, that deep breath helped. Sorry for going over-board on you.

star_crossd

Hey, dont worry about it, this site is supposed to help you get things off your chest and whatnot, feel free to go over-board

Aw, well its nice that she does that for you! Then maybe you're actually bisexual instead of gay?

Alexander

Quote:

Originally Posted by star_crossd

Hey, dont worry about it, this site is supposed to help you get things off your chest and whatnot, feel free to go over-board

Aw, well its nice that she does that for you! Then maybe you're actually bisexual instead of gay?

Holy crap! I never thought about that! *smacks forehead*

Thank you, I think that pretty much covers it. Also, is it normal to get really depressed, and then be really happy all of the sudden?

star_crossd

Ahaha, glad I could help!

Um, yeah, I suppose. Dont get me wrong, that happens to me all the time, I have mood swings like you wouldnt believe. I just dont know if I'd call it "normal" (im kind of biased, lol

) But I think it just has to do with this sudden change and your confusion about Shalia and whatnot. It doesnt sound like its too serious, but if the depression gets worse, it'd be wise to talk to your parents or someone on TH about it

Alexander

Quote:

Originally Posted by star_crossd

Ahaha, glad I could help!

Um, yeah, I suppose. Dont get me wrong, that happens to me all the time, I have mood swings like you wouldnt believe. I just dont know if I'd call it "normal" (im kind of biased, lol

) But I think it just has to do with this sudden change and your confusion about Shalia and whatnot. It doesnt sound like its too serious, but if the depression gets worse, it'd be wise to talk to your parents or someone on TH about it

Okey-dokey!

Mr.Cat

Hullo

I might be too late but I can relate... the mood swings that you experienced is totally normal

I can relate to that :P when I found out I am gay ... i was like this is wrong and bla bla

but in the end

I think I am settling in the bisexual world

With Shalia, Good luck

If you get deppressed go here and we can always find ways for you to cheer up

BrittneyNicole

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alexander

But that's not the point, the point is: I think I'm in love with Shalia! We've been friends since kindergarten, and we are EXACTLY ALIKE! We finish each others sentences, we think the same way, and we can practically read each others minds, even when we don't try. I love her so much! I think she feels the same way, but I'm not sure. I don't want to tell her that I like her because I don't want that to screw up our friendship. I can't stop thinking about her, but I can't just do nothing. She'd think I was crazy if I said I needed a hug all of the sudden.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alexander

I've also been depressed about being gay. I was raised up in a Southern Baptist Church, which obviously frowns down on homosexuality. At one point I thought about suicide because I though God hates me, but I'm over it now. I'm just really confused about being gay, and loving Shalia.
So ya... what can I do to help my depression without taking pills, and to suppress my feelings for Shalia?

Is there a specific reason you don't want to like Shalia? It sounds to me like you might not actually be in love with her, but are just really really close friends. A lot of people become close with their friends and mistake if for being in love. I'm not saying you don't love her but I'm just asking if it could be something else. If you think she feels the same way as you though, go for it! I don't think you telling her how you feel would make things awkward for you two.

You're pretty young and sexuality can be confusing at a young, and older, age. I like to think of sexuality as fluid, too, meaning that it can constantly be changing and differing. I, personally, identify as a lesbian but I know that if I met that one extra special guy, I could date a guy and be in a relationship with a guy. But I don't identify as bisexual or pansexual. I think sometimes, when someone is lesbian or gay, there might just be that one really special and perfect person that they just can't... pass up. So just because you identify as gay, I think you could still have feelings for Shalia. It might be that she is the only girl that you could ever have feelings for and that's okay and normal. Don't worry about it so much.

As for feeling depressed, you could talk to a therapist or counselor. Or you can vent here, on TH!

Baby_I'm_An_Anarchist

I say take it slow with your best friend and make sure its more than just friends. Im now dating what use to be one of my best friends, and i somewhat regret it. I figured out it wasnt much more than friend love. So just make sure its what you want

xxpaigiexx

Hey Alex,

You've not really seen yourself as gay or fully recognised yourself as gay for very long so you may not be gay, you could be bisexual or you could be gay but you could just have one off feelings for Shalia.
It's been said and I agree with that no one is 100% one sexuality or it's rare to find someone, basically most people you come across have tendencies and only some people choose to act upon them or meeting the right person could make them act upon the way they feel.

I don't think there is any real rush to put a label upon yourself, you're 15 so you're still young and hormones are flying all over the place, I'm not going to give you the 'Are you sure you're gay' crap because I've known since I was 13 that I was bisexual and it's stayed the same.
Sexuality is fluid so if to say you were bisexual you may be primarily attracted to guys but are attracted to the occassional girl.
So, calm down and there's not a real rush, take your time and I'm sure in time to come you'll be able to find a label you're 100% comfortable with, or you may decide not to label yourself as anything which is absolutely fine too.

Pm me anytime.
Paige
xxx