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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
FriendZoneMayor Offline
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Unhappy Wow... Thanks for that... - April 3rd 2012, 04:26 PM

So last weekend, I was at the United Council Building Unity conference, and I was in a workshop called "The wrong side of the tracks," where several words were listed off, and if you identified with the word, you'd step forward and face those who didn't, while the guy running the workshop listed off words that those of us in the workshop had written down as the first thing we thought of when we heard it. One of the words was "Female," and being genderqueer, I was the only female-sex person to not step forward.
I'm not out as genderqueer to many people, but I decided not to step forward because this was supposed to be a very inclusive conference, and for the most part it was. Until we got the opportunity to explain why we did/didn't cross for a particular word.
I raised my hand and explained that while my sex is female, my gender is queer. A guy (who had been standing in the line right next to me the entire time), stood up and told me flat-out that that's not a thing. It takes a lot to make me cry, but at that moment, I was holding back tears. It felt so horrible to be told to my face that my own identity isn't a thing.
I was going to talk to Ashley about my GI, but now I'm too scared to mention it to anyone... I guess I'm staying in the closet...


“I can only hope that they’ll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects … I hope that every professional gay will say ‘enough’, come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help.” Harvey Milk, 1978

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Re: Wow... Thanks for that... - April 3rd 2012, 05:48 PM

Oh, I just so hate it when people run these cutsey -touchy -feely -warm -fuzzy let's- get- close- by -self -disclosing -things -that- shouldn't -be b/c we feel so self important and run workshops that we aren't qualified to. Can you smell the sarcasm and irony in my voice?

Summer, I'm sorry you got hurt here, that's not the point of those types of workshops...whoever the jackass was who dreamed up that particular game was obviously clueless what could actually come up and how s/he should then address it to keep everyone safe and things moving forward. That's the moral of that story, that being in charge doesn't guarantee competence, so you should always use caution how much of yourself you actually choose to disclose.

Try not to use this unfortunate experience to generalize onto something more personal, like sharing this with someone you actually trust. The outcome will likely be different b/c the context is.


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Re: Wow... Thanks for that... - April 3rd 2012, 07:12 PM

Some people don't understand and come off as complete tools. It's fine to question and ask for elaboration but saying it's not a thing? Yeah okay, he has no right to tell you who you can or cannot be. I'm sorry this happened, it definitely shouldn't have, especially in that context. Don't let one idiot make you ashamed of who you are. You're a beautiful individual and should never feel ashamed of that individual.


Self pity will not rescue you.
Sometimes we have to save our own lives,
not because no one else cares, but because no one else can.

Life for you has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive is what makes us who we are.

Dreamed up the maps, give me the charcoal and the paper
We invent paths they cannot see, and they're too scared to walk


Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
   
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Re: Wow... Thanks for that... - April 4th 2012, 03:57 PM

Clarification: The guy running the workshop and the guy who said genderqueer isn't a thing WERE NOT the same person, and the exercise itself wasn't the issue, it was the asshole who was IN the workshop.


“I can only hope that they’ll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects … I hope that every professional gay will say ‘enough’, come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help.” Harvey Milk, 1978

http://amanoutofyou.tumblr.com
   
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Re: Wow... Thanks for that... - April 4th 2012, 04:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FriendZoneMayor View Post
Clarification: The guy running the workshop and the guy who said genderqueer isn't a thing WERE NOT the same person, and the exercise itself wasn't the issue, it was the asshole who was IN the workshop.
I got that part, Summer. But, it's still the role of the leader to make sure the questions or exercises he promotes are safe, and that he takes firm control whena respons eleaves someone potentially vulnerable.

-1 for the guy IN the workshop for his remark, -2 for the Leader for setting it up in the first place.


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Re: Wow... Thanks for that... - April 4th 2012, 08:49 PM

Well, that guy just doesn't understand it. -Being another person whose not completely in either gender, I understand. People don't understand, and when they don't, sometimes they say and do things that are completely dick-ish. Don't let one guy ruin your confidence in being yourself.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
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