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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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dinoscool3 Offline
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Unhappy I can't handle this - May 13th 2012, 01:44 AM

So let me start from the beginning.

The girl I've liked ever since I moved here, started talking to me again after I started dating (my now) ex (we broke up 2 months ago). We became friends again, but I didn't think about her in the way I used to, after all I had a girlfriend.

When me and my ex broke up, I was distraught, and my friend helped me trough it. After about a month I started looking at girls again. I mainly paid attention to this one girl in percussion with me, but I still had some feelings for my friend.


Fast foward to yesterday, my friend had a nasty break up with her bf. I, being the friend that I am, messaged her to see if she was ok. Our conversation was normal, even when she told me she was very horny, and I made a crack like I always do when she says something like that. But then things went on a strange path. We ended up sexting (no pics, just the *place text here* thingys, so (I assume) it's not illegal ). Neither of us realized entirely what we were doing, neither of us had ever thought we'd end up doing something like that.


When we finished, we both commented on how good the other had been. But then she started getting sad again. She stopped talking, so I decided to talk to her in the morning. We had a "the morning after type thing" where we both tried to figure out what happened. Then she really got upset, and said she needed some alone time. I decided to text her in the evening then, but when I did, she said she couldn't talk to me.


Ive gotten quite sad since then, as I don't want our friendship destroyed again. I'm worried it won't be the same. I realize she's probably just upset about her ex, and what we did, but I'm still worried.


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Re: I can't handle this - May 13th 2012, 07:06 AM

I think right now she's feeling embarrassed about what you two did. I think if you just give her some time and let her come to you, things will still be okay between you two. It was a small little mistake, and at least you both know to be careful and not let that happen again.
So don't worry, just give it some time and I'm sure she'll come around. Its probably just hard on her since she just went through a breakup as well.


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Re: I can't handle this - May 14th 2012, 08:42 PM

I'm afraid I messed this up horribly.

Today at school, I made some jokes about what happened, to try to lighten the mood. She ended up getting mad, and she said some lies to make her look better, and me worse.

I tried to apologize to her, but she didn't accept it, and stopped talking to me. I guess we aren't friends anymore, and it's my fault. I just feel really bad....


What I didn't want to happen has happened.


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Re: I can't handle this - May 14th 2012, 09:18 PM

I think the best thing to do is give her some space, she's obviously upset over the break-up and what happened between you and she might need sometime to deal with it till she's in a position to laugh it off. I wouldn't assumed the friendship was over just yet, unless she's stated that she can't be friends with you. As I said, just give her some space and let her deal with what happened and hopefully, in her own time, she'll come to you and things will be okay.
   
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Re: I can't handle this - May 14th 2012, 10:26 PM

You shouldn't have brought it up more. Instead of trying to lighten up the mood about it, just leave it in the past; she has made it clear that she doesn't want to talk about it and is very embarrassed about it.
As Charlie said, give her some space. She will just need some time to move on from the breakup and to get over her shame about what you two did.


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Re: I can't handle this - May 15th 2012, 03:40 PM

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Originally Posted by Nicole! View Post
You shouldn't have brought it up more. Instead of trying to lighten up the mood about it, just leave it in the past; she has made it clear that she doesn't want to talk about it and is very embarrassed about it.
As Charlie said, give her some space. She will just need some time to move on from the breakup and to get over her shame about what you two did.


As I realized I had been insensitive yesterday, I decided to treat today as if nothing had happened, and to give her with space. But no, she could not allow it. In band, she yelled at me for telling my friend, which I did only after she said that she had told her best friend and my best friend (Who I wanted to tell, but I had refrained because she asked me not to tell, so I came her instead). And what was worse, she yelled at me in front of my crush, who found out because of the yelling, so now I'm sure that I have no chance to date her. This has turned out to be much worse than I expected....


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Re: I can't handle this - May 15th 2012, 06:57 PM

Ouch! This is a tough spot you're in.

Well, first of all, this isn't entirely your fault - she participated, too! So while she may be directing a lot of anger toward you, I'm guessing it's to cover up her feelings of embarrassment/shame/confusion. It's easier to blame someone else than to blame yourself.

On one hand, I think staying away from her is a good idea - give her time to come to terms with what you two did together, let her sort out her feelings, and work up the courage to make amends (because trust me, it takes a LOT of courage for someone to admit when they were in the wrong, ex. yelling at you in front of a bunch of people who weren't involved).

On the other hand, this girl could become a loose cannon and continue to say hateful/hurtful things about you to other people, which isn't cool (and it certainly won't help in your effort to repair the friendship). What I think I would do is give this a good week. Don't try to make light of the situation, don't try to apologize - just greet her politely when you have to be around her, and give her space the rest of the time (basically, don't avoid her, but don't make a point of seeking her out to talk about this problem). After a week has passed, meet her after class and ask if you could talk to her for a few minutes, to apologize for everything and make amends. If she's still too angry to calmly discuss this problem, let it go and keep giving her space. If she's receptive, apologize for EVERYTHING (even though she's just as much to blame, if not more so, for the situation), and keep your fingers crossed!


   
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Re: I can't handle this - May 15th 2012, 08:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Ouch! This is a tough spot you're in.

Well, first of all, this isn't entirely your fault - she participated, too! So while she may be directing a lot of anger toward you, I'm guessing it's to cover up her feelings of embarrassment/shame/confusion. It's easier to blame someone else than to blame yourself.

On one hand, I think staying away from her is a good idea - give her time to come to terms with what you two did together, let her sort out her feelings, and work up the courage to make amends (because trust me, it takes a LOT of courage for someone to admit when they were in the wrong, ex. yelling at you in front of a bunch of people who weren't involved).

On the other hand, this girl could become a loose cannon and continue to say hateful/hurtful things about you to other people, which isn't cool (and it certainly won't help in your effort to repair the friendship). What I think I would do is give this a good week. Don't try to make light of the situation, don't try to apologize - just greet her politely when you have to be around her, and give her space the rest of the time (basically, don't avoid her, but don't make a point of seeking her out to talk about this problem). After a week has passed, meet her after class and ask if you could talk to her for a few minutes, to apologize for everything and make amends. If she's still too angry to calmly discuss this problem, let it go and keep giving her space. If she's receptive, apologize for EVERYTHING (even though she's just as much to blame, if not more so, for the situation), and keep your fingers crossed!


I was trying to avoid her, I was walking with another one of my friends (who didnt know before is), my crush came along, and she was walking with her, and I didn't say anything. After her, my friend, and my crush talked for about a minute, she just starts yelling at me.

But, I'll just keep on doing what you suggest, and hope this can be sorted out.


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Re: I can't handle this - May 15th 2012, 11:40 PM

The best thing you can do is just let it go when she yells at you about it. I would just walk away honestly and eventually she should cool down, she probably just feels better about herself by placing all of the blame on you. As Robin said, you both have some fault in this.
The good news is that she won't be mad forever, it just might take some time.


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Re: I can't handle this - May 16th 2012, 12:31 AM

Another thought came to me, could she have yelled at me because my crush was there? She knows I'm crushing on her, so could she have done it out of jealousy or just to try to make it harder for me to try to date my crush?
She did hesitate about a mineute before starting to yell at me, as if deciding if she really wanted to.


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Last edited by dinoscool3; May 16th 2012 at 12:37 AM.
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