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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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What To Do About Girlfriend's Manipulative Mom - May 14th 2012, 02:49 AM

About a month ago I made a thread on this site in search of some advice on my girlfriend staying with me for the summer because of her manipulative mom. I was mainly looking to see if I was indeed being selfish or if my reasoning for her staying with me were sound.

From the advice given I was confident that my girlfriend staying with me was the best thing for her and so after talking through it with her, she has now been staying with me for a few weeks now at my parent's place (we're 18).

It's been amazing but her mom still manages to frustrate us both. My girlfriend is afraid of her mom and so will not stick up to her. So when her mom wants my girlfriend to go back home every weekend, she has to go or her mom gets insanely mad and texts my girlfriend a lot of hateful things about how horrible of a daughter she is and how worthless she is, etc, etc.

So two weekends ago, my girlfriend got her college marks and they weren't all that good. She failed a few courses even. My girlfriend went to College, taking a prep course to then take Paramedics the following year. That is all this prep course prepares you for and after the first semester of her program ended, she had told me that she 100% did not want to take Paramedics next year anymore, so her prep course was now essentially useless other than one course (communications) because every program in College pretty well has a Comm course and so it would transfer her mark for it to any program she ever takes. So I had a long discussion with my girlfriend whether doing the rest of the program was worth it for one course to actually matter (as Comm is insanely easy anyways so taking it early wouldn't take much workload off later on) and to be paying for another semester and staying in residence for another semester (she hated being in residence) and to be stuck in a city that she doesn't like either and me not being there with her.

After that long discussion, I made it CLEAR that I didn't want her to drop out as a boyfriend would never want that. My girlfriend expressed her feelings that she really wanted to just drop out and be out of the city, residence, and not have to get into even more college debt but she knew talking to her mom would be useless and result in fights. She tried talking to her mom anyways and her mom got insanely mad at my girlfriend, saying she has to stay in the program no matter what.

Then after school ended and my girlfriend got her marks, she let her mom know that she had failed a few courses (she passed communications though) and her mom raged at my girlfriend, saying that she should have just dropped out when throughout the semester she kept telling my girlfriend she HAD to stay in the program!!

So then my girlfriend's mom was coming close to my place to go shopping that night and as it was a Thursday, told my girlfriend that she would be picking my girlfriend up that night, after she went shopping, to take her home for the weekend.

My girlfriend told me she definitely didn't want to go home for the weekend as she knew her mom would be getting mad at her all weekend about her marks in College for the course that she wanted and should have dropped out of. So my girlfriend told her mom how she didn't want to go home because she knew that her mom would hate on her the whole weekend and her mom said she would not get mad at her at all.

Knowing my girlfriend's mom well enough now, I knew that her mom's word meant nothing and my girlfriend would be getting hated on the entire weekend which makes her insanely depressed and makes it so that she can't even sleep the whole weekend until she comes back to my place Sunday night.

So I tried to tell my girlfriend this but she told me her mom promised that she wouldn't get mad at her and that it will be alright.

As soon as my girlfriend got in the car Thursday night, after 5 mins had passed I get a text from my girlfriend saying "Omg, I'm crying, my mom has started already - why did I not believe you? I'm such an idiot." -_-

So she cried the entire ride back to her place after her mom had prooomised to not get mad at her. Then my girlfriend kept texting me, crying still, not being able to sleep all the way until 5am that night and when she was about to finally fall asleep from just being too tired, she told me she needed to get away from her mom and come back to my place in the morning.

As I stated before, my girlfriend is afraid of her mom and for her to beg me to come pick her up is unbelievable because while we were in school, every time she'd go home her mom would get mad at her and make my girlfriend feel worthless, she would always say she was too afraid of what her mom might do if she got me to come bring her back to residence.

So this time it was finally so terrible that she begged me to come pick her up Friday morning while her mom was at work.

So two weekends ago I did that and then she told her mom once my girlfriend got home about her being back at my place. My girlfriend's mom freaked, asking what she had done to deserve this (where do I start? lol) and how my girlfriend broke her heart, etc etc.

They didn't talk for a week after that (they usually text all day, every day because her mom has no friends or anyone to talk to, she hates on my girlfriend every day when they text too) and it was the best I've ever had with my girlfriend. I usually get in trouble for the smallest things from my girlfriend but with her not being tense from her mom - ZERO issues..for that week it was the best relationship I had ever had...

But of course today is Mother's Day and so her mom finally texted her again after a week hiatus. Her mom did not say sorry, in fact she still asked what she had done wrong!! My girlfriend was really mad about her mom not even recognizing that she isn't the nicest person (understatement of the year...) but they started talking like nothing had happened.

Then Mother's day weekend came and my girlfriend's mom asked what she was doing that weekend and of course my girlfriend agreed to go home again. I once again tried to have the best interests of my girlfriend in mind but she thought me as being mean, saying that she shouldn't go see her mom on Mother's Day so I said fine...but If things go south again, I am not coming to save you again behind your mother's back.

Her mom also promised to bring my girlfriend back Sunday night (tonight) because once again I had to bring her home but with me writing this...obviously her mom did not bring my girlfriend back to my place and I don't even know when she will be back now because her mom tries saying every day after work that she's "too tired"...

So now my girlfriend's stuck at her Mom's house, not wanting to be there because she's hating on her as usual, making her feel horrible.

Does anyone have advice on what I should do? I'm sorry for how long this is but I'm so frustrated all the time lately that I really don't know what to do. Please help!!
                   
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Re: What To Do About Girlfriend's Manipulative Mom - May 14th 2012, 04:58 PM

Well, on a basic level it seems like your girlfriend needs to GTFO that house ASAP. She's being basically emotionally abused whenever she is there and it does no good for her. Maybe mom is trying to live vicariously through her daughter (trying to force her daughter to do something she could never do- that particular college program)? Your girlfriend needs to step out and do what's best for her own well-being. I hope someone else give their take on this.


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