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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Why not rebound - June 29th 2012, 04:31 PM

I am just out of a two year relationship with a really rocky painful breakup. My ex has already got a new gf which seems to be making his life easier after the break up. Should I do the same thing? I keep hearing "no you should never rebound, it ends badly." but I don't know why, it seems like a good tool to pass the time?


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Re: Why not rebound - June 29th 2012, 04:43 PM

I agree with you to be honest. I had a lot of rebounds, nothing too serious. It's not like I wanted to marry them or jump in with them in bed. I think it's a good way to pass time as sad as that sounds. Most rebounds don't work out anyways which is why I don't see the problem with it. Sure, you might be using the person, but it does help sometimes. It actually worked for me even though those rebounds didn't last long. Your boyfriend is probably going through a rebound as well. That doesn't mean use a rebound for revenge. You should have rebounds to help you pass time. Not to make you ex(es) jealous if that was your intentions. I don't see the problem in dating different kinds of people. That's just me personally...just don't jump in bed too fast and don't go too fast with them. Good luck!




   
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Re: Why not rebound - June 29th 2012, 06:44 PM

i have been there. honestly, it's okay to date right after your relationships end. yeah, it might be considered a "rebound", but why not? if he's doing it, you can too. there isn't necessarily anything wrong with it, as long as you don't do anything with the person you might regret. take it slow, expand your horizons. it will help.

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Re: Why not rebound - June 29th 2012, 07:38 PM

Well the reason why rebounds aren't good is because of a few reasons.
The first is right after a breakup its normal to miss your ex. If you're missing your ex then you can't really give your all to someone because in the back of your mind you'll still be thinking about him.
Another reason is you aren't always read to date right after a breakup. If your rebound relationship ends, then you'll have heartbreak on top of another heartbreak. And that is definitely going to be a lot of hurt.
The last reason is its easy to misuse your rebound to try and get your ex jealous or just to feel less lonely. That isn't exactly fair for your new partner because they make have strong feelings for you and be fully ready for the relationship.
Not to mention they tend to end pretty fast due to these reasons. The best thing to do after a relationship is to cut off contact and focus on enjoying being single and move on.


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Re: Why not rebound - June 30th 2012, 02:29 PM

The point of a rebound is not to give it your all. Of course, I still thought about my ex in the back of my mind and you probably will until you meet someone new who is willing to adapt to a new serious relationship. However, rebounds help you move forward and that staying single and moving on is the only thing you can do. It helped me realized that. If you're the kind of person that's just going to jump in bed with the person, you're only setting yourself for more trouble. It may be unfair to the other person, but unfortunate as it sounds, they will get over it. But, you should cut off all contact while in the process. Don't keep yourself updated about what's going on his life. Do what you have to do to help you survive the break up.




   
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Re: Why not rebound - June 30th 2012, 03:00 PM

I also broke up with my ex after a fairly long relationship (3 years on and off) with a particularly messy break-up. Faced with going on the rebound or staying single, I decided on staying single on the grounds that going into a rebound (and potentially rebound after rebound after that) would simply put off dealing with everything that came out of the break-up and make a lasting relationship more difficult rather than easier. Rebounds may well be a good confidence booster, but they don't necessarily do anything for your emotional well-being and that is what counts in a longer-term relationship. I guess it also comes down to me wanting to treat others as I would want to be treated myself, and just as I really wouldn't want to be used by someone as a rebound I wouldn't want to put someone else in that position. Had I gone down the rebound route, I'd probably be in more of a mess compared with the break-up whereas now I feel I could commit to a proper relationship were the opportunity to arise. It's down to individual preference, but that's why I didn't go for the rebound option.

I guess the other thing I would say is you learn far more about yourself as a single person than you do in a relationship, so in terms of personal development and such like you put yourself in a much better position which is itself a benefit. I've certainly learned a lot more about myself over the last few years than I did in my relationship.


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Re: Why not rebound - July 2nd 2012, 01:37 AM

I wouldn't necessarily peg rebounds as a bad thing, depending on the individual and situation. I've had rebounds and to be perfectly honest, they've been great. I didn't sleep with them or anything of the like, but it was nice to have someone there to do a few things:

1) To keep your confidence up
2) To show you that you CAN survive without your ex
3) To show you that your ex probably wasn't as great as you thought and/or there are great guys/girls out there as well

Make sense? I'm definitely not suggesting that you break up with your ex and then start sleeping with everyone who will give you the opportunity to do so. But, dating/etc. is harmless, if you know how to control it. Dating can (and should) be fun.


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Re: Why not rebound - July 2nd 2012, 09:07 PM

Seriously? You're just going to use someone and possibly hurt them so you can feel better about a break up? That's extremely selfish in my opinion. You need to learn to live life without always dating someone. Be your own person. Being single is not that bad. Geez.
   
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Re: Why not rebound - July 5th 2012, 01:48 AM

One problem with rebounds is that the other person is rarely aware that it's a rebound. They may end up falling for you... and not realize until much later that you don't feel the same way. That's not fair to them, so unless you're willing to say, "This doesn't mean anything to me, you don't mean anything to me, I'm just using you so I can get over my painful break-up," or something along those lines, then I don't feel it's okay to have a rebound relationship.

Assuming the other person is okay with being used, you also need to consider the psychological effects a rebound could have on you. Are you ready for a relationship of that nature? Are you the kind of person who falls for people very quickly/easily? Are you the kind of person who might end up feeling guilty or regretting it later on, when you find someone you want to be "serious" with?

I have had two "rebound" relationships, but they were VERY different. One relationship ended up lasting for over four years, and it was a healthy, happy relationship. I wanted a serious relationship, and so did he, so it all worked out pretty well. With the second relationship, it only lasted for about six months, and we were both somewhat ambiguous on whether or not it was going to last. With the first relationship, I was emotionally ready for a new relationship, but with the second relationship, I hadn't given myself enough time to mourn the loss of my ex-boyfriend and move on.

The reason why some people say rebound relationships are a bad idea (myself included) is because, generally, teenagers/young adults don't possess the maturity to pull off a successful rebound relationship. If you can do it, and no one will get hurt in the process, then fine - but more often than not, I've found that's not likely to happen.





   
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