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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Slightly worried, thought we were dating, but not so sure?! - July 22nd 2012, 11:32 PM

I met a girl on a dating site. She is a lovely girl, everything so far seems perfect with her. We have met up loads (she lives just 2 miles away) and we have gone for walks, shops, dinner etc. I really like her and I think she really likes me. She has recently (4 months ago) got out of a 4 year relationship, in which she was engaged. We are getting on really well, and when we go for walks etc, will hold hands and hug etc. She even spent a night in my bed (nothing sexual) where we just snuggled up to each other and cuddled up all night. But all of a sudden, while we were talking on facebook, I said how I have loved every second with her and am really excited for the future but she sent me this ''hehe aaw.... Stoooooop making the blushing! :P haha But yeah, you're really lovely to be with, you really are. You're so sweet and such a gentleman. But I hope you know that I am not willing to rushing into anything yet after having just come out from a bad/akward relationship... I hope that doesn't hurt you and if it does i don't mean it too... but i'm not sure I am ready for another relationship just yet and i certainly don't want it to feel like a rebound.. But I love being with you and you really are a special guy xxxx''. Does that look like she never wants to be any more thanfriends? I'd be heart broken if that's the case, as I really do like her and thought she really liked me :/
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Re: Slightly worried, thought we were dating, but not so sure?! - July 23rd 2012, 12:06 AM

Hi Alex!
I think she just thinks things are moving too fast. She might just need to slow down, which is understandable considering thats she just got out of a serious relationship. I think for now she might just want to hang out with you, but nothing serious. I'd say that if you want to be with her in the future, to just agree to be friends now. You can probably still hang out and have the same relationship, you just might not necessarily be in a comitted relationship.
i hope this helped(:
-Leah


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

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Re: Slightly worried, thought we were dating, but not so sure?! - July 23rd 2012, 06:29 PM

If you haven't explicitly set out that you're dating, you're not dating (and certainly not in a relationship).
Beyond that, I think you probably really scared her by mentioning the future. I know that you are really excited about this and are apparently in a much better place to be making a commitment from, but it sounds to me like she isn't and that's something that unfortunately you can't push. Four months isn't a very long time - certainly not after four years.. it took me a year after my last relationship ended to consider anything beyond a date here or a hook up there, and while I'm happily committed now anything before would have been too soon and ended badly.

I guess I think that in plain terms: She doesn't want to hurt you. She likes you. And she's not ready to date you.

I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but that's my take on it.
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