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Howcome. - July 24th 2012, 06:15 PM

We've been dating for 4 years.

My boyfriend works Mon-Fri 7am to 2:30pm landscaping and I usually work Wednesdays to Sundays till 8 as a waitress so we unfortunately don't get to spend all that much time together. Well at least I don't think so. We'll see each other once during the week for 4h and then twice on the weekend for usually 6-8h. Is it selfish of me to want to spend more time with my boyfriend then this? Sometimes i'll tell him.."I feel like I hardly get to see you.." And he'll respond with.."You don't appreciate the time we do see each other." But I do, a lot. I always look forward to it I just wish we could see each other more since it's the summer and then in the fall we're going off to school. We hung out last night and we're both free today and when I asked him if maybe he'd want to get together after work tomorrow he said he didn't think so, and I don't know why since we're both free. I feel like I give him enough space. I leave him alone during the week and i'm not constantly calling or anything like that. It's like if I mention hanging out two days in a row he cringes away. I don't see myself as needy or this being needy but is it? It makes me so sad thinking he doesn't want to be around me as much as I want to be around him. And I feel like I also give him his space to hang out with his guy friends and just by himself so I don't understand what the problem is.
   
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Re: Howcome. - July 24th 2012, 06:50 PM

I dont think it sounds like its too much or you sound needy.

I think you need to sit down with him and explain how you feel, that you would like to spend a bit more time together. I know this probably sounds very stringent but maybe agree days/times that you spend together, and days/times that you spend apart. So that way no-one is left feeling hurt at short notice? If you know what I mean.
   
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Re: Howcome. - July 25th 2012, 11:48 PM

Well, you HAVE been together for four years. I imagine that, by now, you two have settled into a routine, and your boyfriend may not be in a huge rush to change that routine. Maybe there are other things he wants to do in his spare time, like hanging out with friends and family, or catching up on errands/chores, or just spending time alone and relaxing. He already spends most of his weekend with you, so I don't blame him for wanting Monday - Friday afternoons/evenings to pursue other interests. Also, I noticed (in your other thread) that you two have had rough patches, so maybe he feels spending more time together would just lead to more fighting.

It can't hurt to tell him how you feel, but I would also take some time to reconsider your position on this issue. I wouldn't say you're "needy," but maybe you haven't thought about how much free time he actually has, and how he might want more balance in his life. I used to be in a relationship where I was fine with spending every spare second with my ex, but he wanted to do a little bit of everything. He didn't love me any less than I loved him, but we had different "styles," if you will. It used to hurt my feelings, but once I understood where he was coming from, it allowed me to explore other interests, and looking back now, I'm glad I did that!





   
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Re: Howcome. - July 28th 2012, 03:47 PM

Well, I wouldn't call it needy simply cause you only wanted to see him one more time. He IS allowed to want to spend his free time NOT with you though. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because like Robin said, you guys have been together for 4 years so it's possible that he just doesn't feel like you guys need to be together all the time and that he's just in his routine and what ever else




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