Triggering (Suicide): At a crossroads.

[Thaythay322]

I have been dating a guy that's older than me for about 6 months, we hardly ever fought, and got along for the most part... Except on the topic of sex. He wanted to have sex, and I didn't want to at all. He gets really mean and angry with me about it. We got into a huge argument about it on Friday, and I feel that his disrespect for me and the constant pressuring made me want to take our relationship back to being just friends. We didn't talk for a day or two, and we got into an even bigger fight than before. In the meantime, I ran into an old friend who I care about very much and kind of told him what was going on. So anyway, later on that night, I explained to my boyfriend again why I was still so hurt and mad at him. He decided to tell me after 6 months of dating and at a very inopportune time that he suffers from depression and has tried to commit suicide. It's been going on for about a year, and long before we were talking. He tried to kill himself with a gun that night and failed. I talked to hisbsister because im scared, and she said that he has these fits because he doesnt take his medication on purpose, because he thinks that people will think that he is crazy. I would never judge him. We spent some time together on sunday, and i made him promise me that he would take his medicine every day, lock up his gun, and continue to seek help and let us help hiM or I'd walk away from the relationship. He said he couldn't make me any promises. I'm dealing with depression from other reasons and it's resulted in SI and severe anxiety attacks. Only a few people know about my struggle with SI. I do it because I got bullied and got emotionally and mentally abused by my father. He got really mad at me and I explained to him that I don't SI because of him, but he doesn't believe me. On Monday night, he had another fit. He said that if I didn't tell him that my SI is because of him, he'd hurt himself. He did it all night. [Edited] He can stop himself from having thes suicide fits by taking his medicine. He begs me to help him, and when I do, he gets mad and doesn't let me. I know it was really hard for him to tell me that he has a problem, but I'd he would've just told me in a normal setting and not when I was going to break up with him I wouldnt be feeling so manipulated. I was SI free for months. I'm still scared for him, and I'm getting the support of my friends and the guy I mentioned earlier. Now I feel like I'm being manipulated by my boyfriend and I can't handle the anxiety. Yesterday was the first time I ate since Thursday, and my mom had to drug me so I could sleep last night. I want to be able to enjoy my summer and start to help myself get better. I have a lot of things to do before school starts. I want to go out and have fun, and my boyfriend doesn't let me. I'm scared for him, and for myself and the emotional toll it's taking on me. I want to break up not only because I can't handle the stress, but because I don't want him to pressure me anymore. We have tried to help him, but he won't let us. Im leaving for vacation this week, and will be gone for 8 days. I hope to do some soul searching while I'm away, but I'm still totally lost on what I'm going to do about the breakup. Does it make me a bad person? I'm only 15, and I'm not equipped for this. [Edited] Help me! <3

[Calah]

It sounds like this guy is putting you through a lot more than you're ready for. It seems a little selfish of him to be pressuring you about sex to the point where your considering breaking up. Love takes time and so does healing. It seems to me that he has a lot of healing to do. And if he can't even make a promise about taking his meds, locking up his gun, and seeking help, is he worth it? I would be a little uneasy about him even owning a gun that he's willing to point at himself. Maybe you both need to be okay with yourselves before you can be okay with each other. It sounds like you both have some things going on, and maybe it's best to let him deal with his own issues while you figure out yours. Its not fair to you to have to figure out his issues while you have your own things going on. Learn to be you, and let people love you for you. If your not ready for sex then find someone that respects that and considers you worth the wait. Because you should be worth something to someone. Not someones crutch to lean on.
I hope this helps, and everything turns out ok no matter what you decide <3

[PSY]

You need to focus on yourself right now, plain and simple. His sister (and I'm assuming his parents) are aware of his non-compliance with medication and his resulting suicidal thoughts/attempts, so you need to let THEM handle him. YOU need to think about your own safety, first and foremost. I think this would be a good time to tell your parents what's going on, so you can receive support and protection when breaking up with him. In fact, this vacation may be the perfect time to break up with him, as you will be out of town and can just avoid him during the initial stage of grief/anger on his part. If he threatens you in any way whatsoever, file a restraining order against him. I wrote an article about protecting yourself from abusive individuals, which can be read here.

You are not a bad person for leaving him. He has the tools he needs in order to get better, and if he is choosing not to use them (and to abuse you instead), then that is NOT okay, and you need to take care of yourself. I wish you all the best, and feel free to keep us updated!

[Thaythay322]

I've decided to end our relationship, I figured it would be better for both of us in the Long run... He thought I was joking, and then he got all big with me. It's better this way, and I'm starting to feel better