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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Angry My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 23rd 2012, 05:00 PM

You may be reading this and thinking to yourself that I'm just rude and mean and I couldn't possibly ever love him if I'm calling him out of his name like this. But in reality I am not being rude and I am not being mean, I am stating cold hard facts. At the beginning of the relationship I noticed that he was kind of off but I just sort of laughed it off and thought "Oh he's kind of dumb but he's so cute!" It didn't really bother me then but now his stupidity is driving me insane to the point where I actually find myself daydreaming about being with a more intellegent man thats on my level intellegence wise. I mean don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend. We've been together for a year and a couple months and I think he's cute, sweet, funny and amazing but there's only so much a person could handle before they finally explode. I can go on for hours telling you strories of how stupid he could be, but I'm just going to cut it short and give you 3. So a week ago was my birthday and I invited my boyfriend to go to Disney with me and a few of my friends. This was their first time meeting him, so you can only imagine how taken aback they were when after sitting on a ride for about 10 minutes he asks "Is this the ride?" Later on that day he tells me that he brought me a gift but he left it in the car to give it to me on the way home. When we were leaving the park I ask him about the gift and I found out that he bought me chocolate. When he goes to get the chocolate for me, he's shocked at the fact that all of it melted. NO SHIT SHERLOCK, you left chocolate in a hot car all day long and didn't expect it to melt? Yesterday him and I went out on a date to the movies. The movie was about a guy and his sister named maryanne. Halfway through the movie the guy says something about maryanne and my boyfriend has the nerve to say "Who the heck is Maryanne???" I'm just looking at him like are you freaking serious? I seriously think this dude has a chunk of his brain missing because there is no excuse for stupidity like this. I've tried talking to him about this but he just doesn't get why I'm irritated. I don't know how to make it any more clear to him without hurting his feelings. What do you think? (I'm 19 and he's 21 btw)

Last edited by solodolo; September 23rd 2012 at 05:09 PM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 23rd 2012, 07:17 PM

What do I think? I think it's best that I play the "devil's advocate" here. Your boyfriend traveled with you, bought a gift for you, and took you out to see a movie. It doesn't sound like he's stupid, but it sounds like he might just be absent-minded and has trouble remembering things. Don't you think your boyfriend would be hurt if he knew you thought he was beyond stupid?

It's great that you're smart, and can recognize that some of the things he does bothers you. However, it seems like he's not trying to piss you off; it's just his personality.



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 24th 2012, 06:38 PM

I'm gonna have to agree with SerenitySmile. My boyfriend forgets things a lot, which can be a problem, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal. Try engaging him in more intelligent conversations... like books or something. Do "smart" things together and see if he's able to carry an intelligent conversation. It seems like he's just forgetful and lacks a little bit of common sense, but I really don't see a huge problem.
   
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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 24th 2012, 06:49 PM

I know you say you love him, but you are very critical of him. He obviously cares about you, I don’t doubt that from what you have told us.

But…You two don’t sound like a great match. I think he needs someone in his life who is going to be more combatable to him. Someone who won’t care that he left the chocolate in the car, all they will care is that he got her chocolate in the first place. And you obviously care about different things that he does and that is OK. But, you can’t blame him or be upset with him because he is different than you.

I can’t foresee this relationship going any further. Do you honestly see yourself marrying him one day? Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him and truly being happy? I think you need to think about where this relationship is going and whether or not you truly want it to continue. You don’t have to stay with him if you are not happy and it doesn’t appear that you are. And if you want out then you need to be honest with him and let him know that you wish to end things.

You can’t change who he is or how he acts. You can either live with who he is, or you can’t. It’s that simple.




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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 24th 2012, 07:23 PM

Hmmm...I think that's gonna be a bit hurtful to him - imagine if he saw this.
I mean, at least he's bothering to buy you chocolate and take you on dates.

I don't mean to attack you too much, but just imagine if it was the other way round.


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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 24th 2012, 09:00 PM

I think it is very sweet that he is buying chocolate for you and stuff, but I know that it is also very annoying when he forgets things, or doesn't understand etc.
But what he lacks in one thing, he will make up in another, so don't complain too much. That is an extremely sticky situation, and all I can say is, if he loves you and he's not cheating on you or whatever, then you'll just have to sort it out yourself.
   
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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 24th 2012, 09:58 PM

Hi,

I think you are maybe being a wee bit harsh. His heart is in the right place, taking you to the movies, buying you chocolate. He's not stupid, maybe just a bit forgetful or absent minded.

I know my boyfriend can be a bit forgetful sometimes and it can be annoying but either you learn to live with it, and accept the good things that are there or if you are truly not happy, then go the other way.
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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 25th 2012, 12:28 AM

I kind of have to agree with the others. To me it sounds like your boyfriend is distractable, forgetful and absent minded. Which isn't the same thing as lacking intelligence or being stupid or anything. Now, maybe you have better examples up your sleeve, such as that he never reads a book and that you can't have an intelligent conversation with him because he doesn't know about politics or religion or science etc, or that he things high education is a "waste of time" (which to me is just an ignorant thing to say/think). But I heard nothing like that. I don't think him forgetting that chocolate would melt if left in a car all day makes him stupid, it just means that he put it there and didn't realize until later that it wasn't a good idea, he probably just didn't want it to be in the way while you guys were doing stuff at Disney and didn't stop to think further then that, which, again, goes into him being distracted. And maybe he was bored with the movie and was thinking about other stuff which was why he didn't bother to try remembering who Maryanne was. As someone who actually as ADHD, I can actually relate to that, I don't do it all the time, but there are times when I'm like "wait, what the hell is that characters name" or can't remember which character is which if there is a show/movie I am very bored with. So cut him a break if it is merely distractability

But quite frankly, it's not fair to either of you to keep being in a relationship where you are going to resent him because of something like this. So... think about that.




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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 25th 2012, 01:01 AM

I think I agree with you. Sounds harsh, but he does sound, rather stupid.

But asking "is this a ride", if he was joking, bad humor, if he was serious, there may be something actually wrong.


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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 25th 2012, 08:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzie View Post
I know you say you love him, but you are very critical of him. He obviously cares about you, I donít doubt that from what you have told us.

ButÖYou two donít sound like a great match. I think he needs someone in his life who is going to be more combatable to him. Someone who wonít care that he left the chocolate in the car, all they will care is that he got her chocolate in the first place. And you obviously care about different things that he does and that is OK. But, you canít blame him or be upset with him because he is different than you.

I canít foresee this relationship going any further. Do you honestly see yourself marrying him one day? Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him and truly being happy? I think you need to think about where this relationship is going and whether or not you truly want it to continue. You donít have to stay with him if you are not happy and it doesnít appear that you are. And if you want out then you need to be honest with him and let him know that you wish to end things.

You canít change who he is or how he acts. You can either live with who he is, or you canít. Itís that simple.
I completely agree with this. There's a chance your boyfriend is 1) just messing with you (pretending to be "stupid" in order to make you laugh), or 2) struggling with memory problems or mental retardation. If it's the former, then having a discussion with him could solve your problem. If it's the latter, then unfortunately, it seems like you guys just won't be a match in the long run. I know it can be difficult to break up with someone after a certain amount of time has passed, but honestly, if you can't see yourself married to him, then don't delay the inevitable. Find someone who is more compatible intellectually. Relationships need to cover ALL the bases - that doeesn't just include physical/sexual and emotional!





   
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Re: My boyfriend is BEYOND STUPID! - September 25th 2012, 12:15 PM

I dunno, the main place I can agree is that constantly forgetting things and stuff WOULD get irritating and make one look stupid after a while. I think it is one thing to do it occasionally like I (and practically the rest of the human universe) does.

However now that I am looking at this again, I just wanted to point out that for example, I know I am actually smart, and well educated, so I have dated guys before who I got bored and annoyed with cause I could never have an intelligent educated conversation with, and they were just ignorant about things, even if occasionally they knew something that didn't make up for a lot of it. So I guess on some level I can understand your problem... But my thing is that I make an intellectual connection important when getting to know a guy... But you can't resent your boyfriend. Which is why I think you need to reconsider why you are in this relationship. I think it is VERY important to date someone who is as close to possible an intellectual equal. I find most people aren't down right stupid, it's like you can know lots about cars, but I'd get bored in a relationship if that is the only thing a guy was educated about (and that goes for anything from politics, religion, or science), it's useful to know at least a little bit about as much as possible.... I don't think it is fair to resent and thing negatively of your boyfriend like this.




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