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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Question Been a year, should i just ask her .... or wait until she's ready? - February 18th 2013, 07:59 AM

Hi,
It's been a year, should i just ask her why she never gave me a chance .... or wait until she's ready??

I am very confused and no one has been able to help me so far.
Here's the story:

Story (Intro):
- I met this girl exactly a year ago, and we got along very well. I was instantly attracted to HER because all her qualities met my ideal girlfriend criterias. However, she broke up with her boyfriend a week after we met, and rebounded on me. I did not know, so I poured my heart out to HER. She did not admit she was rebounding on me and just avoided me all together after she had time to think about it. I was deeply hurt, but still decided to remain friends with her.

Story (middle):
- Ever since the above event, we have just been talking normally as friends, and hanging out together but never 1-on-1. I moved on, and I have dated several other girls, but none of them fit my ideal girlfriend criteria as much as HER's. So I have been keeping in touch with HER because I still have lingering feelings. After 6 months have passed, I thought she might be finally be ready and decided to pursue HER once again. She never really gave me a chance to hang out with her one-on-one ever since the awkward rebound event though, but I still decided to do the ultimatum to try to win her heart. Apparently, that failed as well and we haven't really talked after that second awkward experience for almost a month. I decided to keep her within arms length, moved on, and pursued other girls.

Story (near end):
After a year had passed by since the first encounter I had with HER, I realized none of the girls I had pursued in the past year were better than HER, in terms of personality, character, attractiveness.

Everyone keeps telling me to move on, and I have tried and thought i finally did a few times after dating other girls. Yet, I always seem to keep falling back on her no matter how many times I try to move on.

*One interesting to note is, she never gave any other guy a chance either. She is still single, and always hangout with her girlfriends. She is not very flirty with other guys, and rarely hangs out with guys. She's the type of girl who would never ditch her group of girlfriends for anything.

It has been a year so I am wondering if she will finally give me a chance. I am constantly showing her support, being there for her, showing her that she's special to me, and keeping our friendship close but not too close and not too desperate.

I am just living my own live, and waiting for her to finally give me a chance when she's ready. I am just worried with all this persistence, in the end she might not even choose me at all.

Has anyone ever been as persistent as me and was able to win your dream guy/girl's heart?

Was anyone in a similar situation or have any advices to give me?

Greatly appreciate any help, thanks!
   
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Re: Been a year, should i just ask her .... or wait until she's ready? - February 18th 2013, 04:36 PM

If a whole year has passed, then I think you should give it just one try. Tell her that you still have feelings for her, and that you'd like to try dating again. If she says yes, then that's great and you can go from there. But if she says no, then it's probably time to start moving on from her.
The reason you still have feelings for her is because you never cut off contact. That's really the only way to be able to fully move on from someone. If you remain in constant contact, even if you had put her at arms length, you're still being reminded that you can't have her all the time.
Keep in mind that she isn't going to be the only girl who will fulfill your girlfriend criteria. So if things don't work out with her again, then you can keep your eyes open for another girl. Unless you let go of this one though, you won't be able to find the girl that things will work out with.
In my personal experience, I had feelings for this guy for a whole year. People kept telling me throughout that year that he had feelings for me off and on, but he kept asking out other girls. After a whole year, I was about to give up on him when he surprised me and asked me out. So staying persistent and hopeful isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you don't want to wait too long because you'll be missing out on other opportunities.


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Re: Been a year, should i just ask her .... or wait until she's ready? - February 21st 2013, 07:02 AM

I will try once more then. If it is still a no, would telling her in person that we can't be friends anymore make her reconsider me , or just make things worse and awkward ?

I still feel i am the type of person who can win a girl's heart as long as i try hard enough and make her realize how great of a man i am.
   
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Re: Been a year, should i just ask her .... or wait until she's ready? - February 21st 2013, 03:51 PM

It would probably seem like you're trying to make a big deal out of her saying no. So instead of bluntly saying "I can't be friends with you anymore" you're best bet is to just slowly decrease how much you talk to her. I'm sure she'll understand that you're probably just hurt and trying to move on.
I think it's great that you're one of those people who doesn't give up, but sadly you can't make someone have feelings for you. If you try a couple of times and it doesn't work, then it's best to just move on so you don't end up wasting time on someone who will only see you as a friend.


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