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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Casadros Offline
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Is it just loneliness? - May 14th 2013, 07:22 PM

So me and my ex girlfriend broke up around 5/6 weeks ago after 10 months. The reasons behind the break up were basically she had important weeks in her education coming up and we argued too much. I don't disagree with the reasoning at all, there were times in the relationship where it got me down, too so you know, it was probably the best solution at the time.

She was my first ever girlfriend though. I'm 21 now and she was my first in every way and I just feel like we were meant to be together. Without trying to sound too cliché, every couple has their problems so what I really don't understand is why we didn't try to work through them. I don't see this as me not accepting that the relationship isn't over because it is, I know that. My love for her isn't going to go away, though and that's not really under my control because I care for her deeply. I know her story, her past and what she will go through in the future and I know how inspirational she is. I haven't seen her/spoke to her/text her since the break up. I wanted to do the right thing and just leave her in peace. I always gave her what she wanted and just because our relationship is over that doesn't mean I suddenly be a jerk about it.

So, her important education deadlines are next week and after that I've wrote a letter to her explaining how much of a fantastic person she is and that I didn't appreciate her more when we were together and to make sure she knows that my love for her will never die. This isn't an attempt at me wanting to get back together with her, I don't think. I want closure, I want the acknowledgement that I will always care for her. I'm going to send the letter after her deadlines (so not to mount up the stress) and I don't really know what to expect.

Like I said, the letter isn't an attempt at me wanting to get back together with her. I love her but I wouldn't want to make her do something she didn't want to do and that's basically my question. How would a letter like this be received? I don't want to be the weirdo stalker type and for her to hate me but I just want her to know I'm always going to be here as a friend if nothing else.

I apologise for the wall of text, I'm not usually one to ask for advice.

TL;DR
Broke up with GF (arguments/education)
Not spoken to GF since
Still love and care for her whatever
Don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do
Don't necesarily want to get back together
Sending letter wanting closure so she doesn't hate me.

Thank you in advance!
   
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Re: Is it just loneliness? - May 14th 2013, 08:49 PM

I don't think it's bad that you want closure, and writing a letter is a great way to do that. Sending it after her deadlines is great too.. You're going about this in a really great way.

The fact that you're so worried about having her feel pressured, shows that you really care about her and I don't think she'll feel forced into anything, if all you really want is closure.

If you word the letter correctly it should be received the way you want it to.. Just be sure you're clear about your intentions in the letter, and everything should be fine.


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
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Re: Is it just loneliness? - May 15th 2013, 11:41 AM

Thank you for the positive reply. I'm already on the second draft of the letter so hopefully it's not misconstrued in any way.
   
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Re: Is it just loneliness? - May 15th 2013, 11:45 AM

You've also got the option of writing the letter, but not sending it. Sometimes that closure is all we need.

Good onya though for knowing that it is over. It can be very difficult, but you will end up stronger.


Feel free to email/PM/VM/whatever me if you want. I'll answer as soon as I can.

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Re: Is it just loneliness? - May 18th 2013, 02:49 PM

It didn't go down well, for some reason that I can't understand she has developed a hate for me. I care enough to leave her to live her life as that is what she obviously wants.

Sucks that people can't be civil after a break up, though.
   
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Re: Is it just loneliness? - May 20th 2013, 05:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Casadros View Post
It didn't go down well, for some reason that I can't understand she has developed a hate for me. I care enough to leave her to live her life as that is what she obviously wants.

Sucks that people can't be civil after a break up, though.
Nope, some people can't be civil after a break up. It is just the way it is sometimes. But, you tried and it was an experience that you should be glad you had. We can't always receive the closure, but at this point, it's time to let it go. It will be hard, but you will get through it, I promise.




   
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