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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Infinite Offline
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Unhappy Crying for him. - May 16th 2013, 06:42 PM

So yesterday was the second-to-last day of freshman year of college, and after dating my boyfriend for the majority of the year I realized I had to make a decision... and I broke up with him.

It wasn't because I didn't love him or that I didn't think we were happy together. He treated me right, he was nice. But we are two different people, with two VERY different priorities, two different lives. I needed something completely different from him than he could ever give me. He couldn't save me, I couldn't save him. We have to save ourselves now.

I do feel terrible for hurting him. I feel like he's a little lost puppy in life and I was the only thing keeping him afloat. As dumb as that may sound, he depended so much on our relationship. I should probably stop talking to him. He keeps asking for me back, saying that he wanted to marry me one day, that he's sad, that maybe we could get back together when summer's over, that he'll change for me. But I know that my words can offer no comfort. I don't really know if we'll ever get back together. But honestly, probably not.

I know the waves of loneliness and helplessness will wash over me all summer, but slowly I'll find a new direction... even if it's alone. I'm not crying for me, I'm crying for him.


Our lives are not our own.
From womb to tomb, we are bound to others.
Past and present.
And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.
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Re: Crying for him. - May 16th 2013, 06:56 PM

If that's how you truly feel, that's how you feel. You've said enough what's said is said. Of course, he'll want to try and make it work, but that's how we all are when there is a break up. We want that closure. It's even hard for me saying this, but I think you should stop communicating with him. If you truly believe this is how you want it to be, then just don't talk anymore. Break ups always suck. I hope the best for you. Good luck!




   
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Re: Crying for him. - May 17th 2013, 11:21 PM

I had a similar experience with an ex-boyfriend. We dated for over four years - I was his girlfriend throughout his entire time in college, and he was my boyfriend for most of my time in college. I broke up with him after he finished his last round of final exams because I knew it wasn't going to work out in the long run. He had been able to meet my needs when we first started dating... but as I grew older, I realized more and more that he couldn't possibly change enough to meet my needs. I needed to find someone who was compatible with the more mature version of myself, the Robin who had developed her personality/interests/beliefs over her college years. He begged and bargained, and it was really hard to say "no" over and over again. I truly did care about him, and I wanted to give him a chance... but I knew he could never be that person I needed him to be. It would have been cruel to lead him on by giving him a "trial run." You probably should cease contact for a little while - give him time to be apart from you and get used to being single (it might feel too routine if he gets to keep talking to you on a regular basis... too much like a relationship, even though you broke up with him). Good luck, and remember that you won't regret this in the long run. You might regret it during the lonely summer months, but when you find Mr. Right further down the road, you'll be glad you didn't stay with your ex-boyfriend for longer than you did.





   
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Re: Crying for him. - May 20th 2013, 06:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
I had a similar experience with an ex-boyfriend. We dated for over four years - I was his girlfriend throughout his entire time in college, and he was my boyfriend for most of my time in college. I broke up with him after he finished his last round of final exams because I knew it wasn't going to work out in the long run. He had been able to meet my needs when we first started dating... but as I grew older, I realized more and more that he couldn't possibly change enough to meet my needs. I needed to find someone who was compatible with the more mature version of myself, the Robin who had developed her personality/interests/beliefs over her college years. He begged and bargained, and it was really hard to say "no" over and over again. I truly did care about him, and I wanted to give him a chance... but I knew he could never be that person I needed him to be. It would have been cruel to lead him on by giving him a "trial run." You probably should cease contact for a little while - give him time to be apart from you and get used to being single (it might feel too routine if he gets to keep talking to you on a regular basis... too much like a relationship, even though you broke up with him). Good luck, and remember that you won't regret this in the long run. You might regret it during the lonely summer months, but when you find Mr. Right further down the road, you'll be glad you didn't stay with your ex-boyfriend for longer than you did.
That was quite deep and I feel like my advice was terrible. I guess you really have to experience something like that to understand. That really broke my heart, that story. I suppose we really need to recognize our future more often because it's important to be with someone who can carry you the last of your days.




   
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