How do I help my girlfriend?

[slowpoke]

Note: I decided to put this in the "Relationships and Dating" forum as opposed to the "Mental Health" or "Anxiety" forum due to the fact that this involves not only her and her life, but our relationship as well.

I love my girlfriend to death, and I'll do anything to help her. The thing is, she has agoraphobia - the extreme or irrational fear of crowded spaces or enclosed public places. In other words, she's afraid to go out to eat, or the mall, or whatever. First of all, she "feels bad" (it doesn't get anymore detailed than that unfortunately). Apparently she has felt bad when going out to restaurants her whole life. However, this anxiety she has for going out in general started "recently" - within the last six months I'd say. I've tried helping her and talking to her about it countless times, but it just gets "too serious" for her to talk about; then I get frustrated. Why am I frustrated? Because I'm trying everything I can to help her out and talk to her about it and be there for her, but it's like she's not willing to make the first step. Her parents think she's being silly, so they obviously won't take her to a psychiatrist or any other doctor. I'm the only one who listens...the only one who's trying. I'd love to take her out to nice romantic dinners, or go hang out at the mall, or go do something fun outside of the house, but I can't because her phobia is keeping me from doing so. I love her so much. How can I help her? Please...

[Eternal]

Sadly, you cannot make her want help. It sounds like her anxiety is really getting to her, and she probably at this point doesn't think that just talking about it will help any. I think it might be best to not press her to talk for now and instead wait and see if she opens up to you about it.
In the meantime, you could try and slowly get her to go outside more. You could suggest going for a walk together, perhaps somewhere quiet first and then move to more public areas.
I'm sure eventually she will realize how much her anxiety is affecting her life and will be ready to reach out for help. Until then, make sure she knows you're there for her, but on her own terms. She needs to feel comfortable before she will be willing to start fixing the problem.

[Cassie999]

Hello slowpoke,

I am so sorry to hear about your partners Agoraphobia. I know it has to be so hard to be in that situation. It sounds like you really care about her but just aren't sure how to help her. The best advice I can give is to be as understanding as possible although I know it is very hard, You need to push your partner to get her to really enjoy the time that she has outside the home and that will empower her. I would start somewhere where there's not a lot of activity. A quiet restaurant or a quiet park somewhere quiet but if she refuses these tips then just be understanding and accept it, don't be angry or push her to do anything if she says no, just be there for her and she will soon want to do that in her own time with you.