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Ups and downs: a roller coaster of slip ups and mixed feelings - September 13th 2013, 06:23 PM

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Tomorrow marks the two month anniversary between me and my boyfriend. Before I go on to tell oh my problem lemme give you some context. We met at a mural friend's sweet sixteen. We started talking to each other via Facebook messages for about two weeks, we became good friends at which point our mural friend set us up for a movie date. He asked me out and me still looking for a pick me up after two fast paced and rocky relationships that needed in an abrupt end I said yes because he seemed like a nice guy . On our next date he kissed me and we progressed to French kissing the same night. This has been the first time my boyfriend was not long distance so all this physical stuff is new to me, or rather was new to me…we began making out and exploring each others harmlessly at first and then more in private and taboo regions. We briefly explored second base and I got a little hands on with his "hard wood".… we began not only kissing but licking and sucking each others necks. When I got se hickeys my parents were pissed off. And this experience has made me see that I am not even sure who I really am. I spent 2 years living a double life and my identity has never been true, I was neither girl I pretended to be.
Now I am scared I have jumped into this relationship not knowing what I was getting myself into and am questioning y feelings for him and my personal identity. I don't know who I am anymore. I think I love him and he says he loves me but what do I feel anymore? What does anything mean anymore? Please help


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Re: Ups and downs: a roller coaster of slip ups and mixed feelings - September 13th 2013, 06:38 PM

Hey, Honestly i think its okay, you are exploring and experiencing this stuff because of your curiosity and general hormones, everything you do with your boyfriend is okay, aslong as you both agree to it, you are just Exploring a New part of YOU, a more emotionally curious and eager to experience, type of you, this is in all of us. Thats if i'm on the right subject

I'm confused to what you mean by " I spent 2 years living a double life and my identity has never been true, I was neither girl I pretended to be. "
   
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Re: Ups and downs: a roller coaster of slip ups and mixed feelings - September 14th 2013, 12:26 AM

Just be who you are, and don't be afraid of what others think. I believe that if you feel like it's too fast, talk to him about it. If he's a nice guy like you said, he will understand and it'll make things go slower maybe. Also, it might strengthen your relationship due to the fact that you're opening up to him about how you feel and your relationship. Who knows, maybe he feels like it's too fast also? Communication is one of the biggest items in a successful relationship as well as understanding, love, and loyalty/trust. I hope this helped, good luck!
   
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Re: Ups and downs: a roller coaster of slip ups and mixed feelings - September 14th 2013, 05:49 AM

To clear things up about the "dual personality or double life" I had one version f myself that was perfect and good and I was that to all the people who I knew physically and interacted to face to face. Through the Internet I found a way to explore the sensual more curious and adventurous side of me but no one knew about it because I hid it well. I fear that my urge to leave home is so I can stop pretending to be this goody goody and just be myself

While in my mind I sometimes feel I'm ready, when it comes to actually doing stuff I chicken out… like I felt that hand and skin contact was too much but in my mind I want to go all the way… I am 15 and my boyfriend is 16 btw


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Re: Ups and downs: a roller coaster of slip ups and mixed feelings - September 16th 2013, 02:39 AM

I understand what you're trying to say. There are moments when I feel ready to step up my relationship as well, and other moments where I feel overwhelmed because I don't feel like I'm going as fast as maybe he might want it to be. But I realize that he likes me for who I am, and not for just lust, and reminding myself of that helps me calm down a bit. As you two get more comfortable with each other, your fear will die down a bit and you'll be able to push that little voice in your head saying that you're going to slow or to fast away.
   
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