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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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J1234 Offline
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Post I know im young but i would like a girlfriend - September 15th 2013, 08:18 PM

So as the title sais im quite young (15 years old) and i do want a girlfriend so ive come on here to see if anybody has any advice.

in my life ive only really been out with one girl but she broke up with me then asked me back out again after a couple of months, then she broke up with me again. I really felt terrible. I have tried to get with a few girls since then by using the advice of 'be yourself' and by not seeming desperate, but i always either get friend zoned or the girl sais that i have a wonderful personality and that im a really nice person and that she hopes i find 'the one' someday... So yeah i never have much luck with girls. Ive also been called picky because i want a 'natural' girl who isnt a 'slut'(one who doesnt put on loads of makeupe, one that doesnt pretend to be someone shes not and one who doesnt act like they want to have sex with everyone) it might sound stupid i know, but i know alot of girls like that. If im being completly honest im not even looking for a sexual relationship i just want a girl who loves me for who i am and wont cheat on me or toy with me. It probably doesnt help that i overthink everything and find it hard to talk to them face to face, i can talk to them fine over the phone or through social networking sites e.g facebook, but once i meet them i become shy and cant think of anything to say to them and it really does annoy me because no matter how much i try i just cant change that about me, and im not very confident anyway so that probably doesnt help.
People keep saying that i need to wait and that if i wait i will find 'the one' but if im being honest im tried of waiting, i meen ive been single for all of my life (if you dont count the 4 weeks i was with my ex) and it annoys me, seeing everyone with their girlfriends, even most of my friends have got them now and i just find it really awkward and it also makes me feel slightly upset seeing them being happy with their girlfriends and i just end up being the kid sat in the corner just watching and hoping that one day it will happen to me. I find it easy to become friends with girl, in fact i feel like i get on with them better than i do with guys (not because of having the same iterests, just because i do.) but after i become friends with them i dont really know how to take it any further without becomeing worried about ruining the friendship or getting bullied/ made fun of for liking them (cause thats what people are like at my school).

Im sorry that its quite long (and for any spelling mistakes i may have made), i just didnt want to miss out the main details, also this is my first time doing anything like this so im sorry if its kindof confusing.
Please if anyone has any advice i would love to hear it and give it a try.

P.S. if anymore information is needed i will be happy to give it (as long as its not too personal) also could i only have nice replies, nothing that might make me feel worse as im going through something quite personal atm and i dont exactly feel happy anyway. thanks in advance.
                   
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Re: I know im young but i would like a girlfriend - September 15th 2013, 10:43 PM

I don't find 15 that young for dating, especially in this generation of time haha. I think that it is great that you want a girl that truly respects herself and doesn't need make up to be beautiful! Being your self is always the way to go with girls, but there are many girls out there that look for the fake boys. Don't let them take you down! I do the same thing, and have been for such a long time and believe me, you will find the right girl and forget about all of the other ones that had rejected you, because at that moment you will see how those girls were never right for you. I hope you keep trying because it does take time to find the right girl!
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Re: I know im young but i would like a girlfriend - September 15th 2013, 11:27 PM

Hi,

I'm collecting key phrases for you:

Quote:
I have tried to get with a few girls since then by using the advice of 'be yourself'
Quote:
get friend zoned
Being yourself is generally a good advice, but only if you 'yourself' are attractive. If you are not attractive, you will not be attractive 'being yourself'. I had to tweak my personality a lot, faking, faking. Then becoming it. I became attractive, and since then I'm myself again. And that helps me find the right partners - no lies, no agenda, no small prints. I can be genuinely honest and direct and be myself. I couldn't do that if I hadn't learned how to be attractive and faking that until I became it.
Since women friend zone you, I assume you just are not really attractive to them which is why "being yourself" won't help. I'm not telling you to play a completely different person though. Just find out what attractive traits are in men, consciously try to be that attractive man, and eventually you'll do it without trying. Then you can be yourself. Makes sense?

Quote:
Ive also been called picky
Good. Pickiness and having high standards is an attractive trait. But: the higher your standard, the more you have to bring to the table yourself and the harder to find she will be.

Quote:
overthink everything and find it hard to talk to them face to face
One leads to the other. Directly. Thoughts like "what will she think of me if I say that?" "will she laugh about this joke" will create a blockade in your brain. The void will come - and then, yes, you won't know what to say, plus the woman will get the feeling you aren't really listening to her (cause you aren't, you're in your head). So what you want to do is get rid of them. Up for trying daily meditation? It solved that problem for me once and for all.

Quote:
once i meet them i become shy and cant think of anything to say to them and it really does annoy me because no matter how much i try i just cant change that about me, and im not very confident anyway
Shyness is a state of mind, not a personality trait. Meaning you can in fact change it. Exposure therapy helps you get over shyness and anxiety. With good reference points/experience comes confidence. Confidence is situational competence, it's not universal. You simply lack experience so you're unconfident in this area, normal. Keep going.
There's also momentum you can use to overcome shyness. If you force yourself to become really social for some time, you will become that social person and will feel comfortable being it as long as the momentum lasts (until the next day for example).

Quote:
People keep saying that i need to wait
Hold on for a sec. You have probably gotten that advice from women. Women's and men's dating lives are fundamentally different. They don't consider that while many women have trouble finding the "right one", most guys have problems finding anyone at all, lol. Women (most, not all) expect everything to fall into their lap when it comes to dating. Advising a man to remain passive shows that the person doesn't really have an idea of male's dating lives or role. Most men who remain passive stay lonely. Be active, put yourself out there.

Quote:
after i become friends with them i dont really know how to take it any further
This is an important lesson: if you become "just friends" with a woman, there's almost no way out. There have to be attractive sparks all the time in the process, otherwise you'll get friend zoned (=rejected as a lover).

Quote:
getting bullied/ made fun of for liking them (cause thats what people are like at my school).
They will laugh at you all the while wishing to be you. Wishing to have your balls. Acts of superiority come from a feeling of inferiority.


Quote:
"In summary, men experience systematic discrimination in parenting, domestic violence policies, education, criminal sentencing, paternity, forced labor, military conscription, public health policies, genital integrity, false accusations, reproductive rights, portrayal by the media and in the coverage of their issues by the news media."
http://www.avoiceformen.com/

Last edited by PureStorm; September 16th 2013 at 12:25 AM.
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Re: I know im young but i would like a girlfriend - September 16th 2013, 01:52 PM

Let me ask you this, and you should ask yourself this as well: are you really wanting a girlfriend because you feel like you're ready for it, or you just want it so badly because pretty much everyone, including your friends, has one already? From the looks of it, don't take this the wrong way, but you're coming off a bit desperate on this. It's okay though because I've felt the same way many times before. I know it can be very hard trying to find that special someone, but you can't lose hope and faith on that one. Personally I've never dated any girl yet, but I've learned from experience that I shouldn't be stressing over this, and you shouldn't either. There's a lot of girls at your school that you can actually approach. True, not all of them will be pleased to talk to you, but if you just keep on trying to talk to and meet as many girls as you can, you will come across the one that you've been seeking. I don't believe that you're not confident; I think that your mind is just playing a trick on you and really, you can be. You just got to believe that you are. As for how to carry on conversations with girls, you need to be an active listener and actually listen to what they're saying. Then, you can actually use what they say to you and formulate that into the next thing that you say to them. Also, don't be afraid of taking it any further with a girl that interests you and shows interest back. You don't need to tell her directly that you have feelings for her, and instead, just indirectly show that you like her with the use of body language such as having good posture and putting your hands in your back pockets. If it doesn't end up working out, don't give a darn if you get made fun of or bullied for that because if you do, that just gives people all the more reason to step on you, and you don't want that. Don't be pushing yourself too hard with trying to find a girlfriend. You have a long way ahead of you. It's better to be patient and eventually come across the right one than to have several relationships that don't end up working out. Believe it or not, this is what I believe to be true.




“The main thing is realizing that even if you feel terrible for a while, that’s not how you’re going to feel the whole time. . . . Things change if you just keep moving.” - Gary Vaynerchuk
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