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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
JakeTheDog Offline
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Long Distant Relationship. - December 8th 2013, 09:42 PM

around early February i started speaking to who i thought was the most beautiful girl ever, we got really close and one thing lead to another, i eventually asked her out, but i really want to meet her, i know she isnt some wierdo because we always skype each other, message each other and have phone calls, she lives 164 miles away from me, which sucks, we really like each other as well.....

I am 15, so money is sort of a problem.
Also we have spoke about it and spoke about where i would stay (i wouldn't travel that far to come back the same day) and if i cant stay at hers where would i stay..

I am really in a dilemma, i cant speak to any of my mates about it because they will all judge me, i cant speak to my parents about it because they will judge me...

i keep telling myself we will meet, but i cant see it happening soo ,any advice would be great.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Long Distant Relationship. - December 9th 2013, 12:29 PM

I've been in your shoes. It was a very difficult road to go down. Since your 15 and would struggle on your own with the finances, transport and accommodation I would strongly advise to get yours and her parents in the know. Having their blessing and help would make things a lot easier in your relationship.

I know it's probably not the advice you want to hear because you fear that your parents wouldn't approve, but at the age that you are it's better to have them on your side than not. Speaking from experience that is.

You may want to prepare yourself for not being able to meet up with her any time soon. If finances are an issue and you don't get your parents in the know then you're pretty much stuck for meeting up with her any time soon. If you're serious about her and the relationship then you need to work hard to be able to afford to go and see her.

I can only assume that her parents will be very protective over her, so they wouldn't be to happy with a strange boy (no offence) talking with their daughter and wanting to spend the night there. That's why it's so important that they know about you before you try anything. You don't want to get in their bad books before you start.

I have a fair bit of experience in this area so please feel free to PM me if you have any more questions.
   
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Re: Long Distant Relationship. - December 9th 2013, 12:53 PM

I agree with Tayla that you need to tell your parents or I doubt it's going to go anywhere. At your age, you're not going to have the money and if you did find it, how are you going to explain to your parents that you're going away over night and explain to her parents who you are and why you're staying there? As I doubt any hotel in her area is going to allow a 15 year old to stay there alone. If both of you explain the situation to your parents, it could help, they might not be as understanding as you want them to be but it's a start and they could eventually come round to the idea and help with you two meeting.
   
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Re: Long Distant Relationship. - December 10th 2013, 06:31 PM

Is it even worth staying in the relationship...?
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Re: Long Distant Relationship. - December 10th 2013, 09:39 PM

That's for you to decide. At your age, girls will definitely come and go. Is it worth spending your time hoping to one day meet this girl? Is it worth spending the next few years 'alone'? You could be out meeting new people in your town and could spark up a relationship where you live. You need to ask yourself these questions.

Only you can decide if it's worth it. But you need to think of the pros and cons.
   
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Re: Long Distant Relationship. - December 10th 2013, 10:35 PM

Also how would i go about telling my parents.

Thank you so much taylalatbh, you have been so helpful
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Re: Long Distant Relationship. - December 10th 2013, 11:47 PM

You've just got to be truthful. If you can't tell them face to face, maybe write them a letter explaining the situation. It's going to be difficult, and might lead to some more difficulties but if it's worth it, then you need to go for it.

Good luck.
   
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Re: Long Distant Relationship. - December 11th 2013, 06:00 AM

In your case, telling the parents, both yours and hers seems like a really good first step. You'll need to make a really good first impression with her parents, in fact, it might be a good idea to meet them over skype and have a chat with them. If they like you, they might let you stay, although they may make you sleep on the floor/couch, etc. Money is more difficult as even if her parents do like you, I doubt they'll be willing to pay for your visit but I guess you never know. Save save save, if you get an allowance or work a job this'll especially help. If you do tell your parents, they might be willing to help.

Just remember, if it's real, it doesn't really matter how soon you'll be able to meet. I know how painful long distance can be, I've been in a long distance relationship for almost six months with no date for seeing her in sight, but I wouldn't give it up for the world. It's painful, but the alternative, of not having that relationship, would be infinitely more so. Just something to think about.

I should add that I don't really know anything about the intricacies of your relationship, so I can only advise off the information supplied here. I urge you to trust your own judgement when it comes to this as well as taking people's advice.


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Re: Long Distant Relationship. - December 11th 2013, 06:03 AM

Speaking from experience, it's exceedingly difficult to be in a long distance relationship without meeting or seeing each other often - if at all. In regards to it being worth staying in the relationship, it is all up to you. Do you really like/love this girl? Are you willing to wait years (potentially) to see her? Is Skype enough? Is she even the right girl for you? It might take some soul-searching to figure out the right answer for you. Again, speaking from experience, advice from people that don't know you, her, or the situation can be detrimental and ultimately cause you to feel, for lack of a better word, bad about everything.
As said above, meeting the parents of this girl and having her meet yours is a great idea. If possible, set up a date and time to have her parents meet you (with her there) and vice versa. Dress in some good clothes, be polite, and also be yourself. It would be a great idea to get the parents communicating among themselves. Email, Skype, phone calls, whatever works.
If you haven't already, get a job or source of income. Save Christmas and birthday money, check to see how much it would cost to drive/fly/take a train up to where she lives. Maybe see if your parents would consider doing it for a birthday or Christmas/holiday gift.
Hang in there. If you ever need to talk about anything long distance, you can always PM/VM me or my lovely girlfriend above. I know it's hard, but if you're with the right person, it's so incredibly worth it.


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Re: Long Distant Relationship. - December 11th 2013, 06:40 AM

I was in your shoes a short time ago and while you have already received a lot of great advice I will put in my own little nuggets of information. A long distance relationship, especially in the teen years is hard and hiding it from your parents might seem like the best idea but without their blessing and support how do you plan see each other in real life? I hi mine from my parents and they became overly over protective after, practically ended my relationship by restricting everything. Also, they might get even more angry at the fact you kept something from them. I know they might not understand but they are just worried for you. Might I suggest you and your parents Skype her ad her parents in one call?? Get things ironed out in one meeting and have no misunderstandings take place tht might hinder your relationship. I believe tht if your heart says this is the girl for you then fight with all you've got to keep her best of luck and feel free to ask me if you care for me to elaborate


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