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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Cool The Dragon Lady, An Epic Tale of Evil. Part 1 - April 29th 2009, 03:19 AM

Alright, My Girlfriends mother is a real cold hearted and bitter person. She got pregnant with my Girlfriend when she was eighteen at her high school prom and never married the dad, he never paid child support, etc. she has driven away nearly every one of her friends and is seriously narcissistic, selfish, self-centered, irresponsible, a terrible parent, and in serious denial about her age. she still goes out and parties and gets drunk and stoned with 20-yr olds. people my age that I want nothing to do with.
My girlfriend is 18 and for all her life her mother has emotionally abused her. she has asthma and is allergic to animals, yet her mother forces her to keep a cat in her bedroom (which is the size of my closet) and has 2 dogs and yet another cat, all of which she is allergic to.
She can barely sleep at night because of her allergic reactions and has asthma attacks nearly every night. Her mother grounds her for no particular reason fairly frequently, she will send her text messages while we are out or if she is out with her friends saying things like "Come home now. You should stay home for a few days, don't plan on going out. Stay in your room." What kind of parent does this?
She also never gives clear instructions as to what her expectations are for nearly anything. If my girlfriend does not do what her mother wants or selfishly expects (without telling her) she is punished drastically and over-reactions are common.

Her mother has not taken her for a doctors checkup in 10 years.
Her Mother finally took her to a dentist last month for the first time in 9 years.
She has gotten sick many times with stomach flu's, viruses, and etc. Yet her mother always refuses to take her to a doctor and tells her to "Suck it up" or just punishes her for asking to go to the doctor, Or says she will make an appointment but never does and everytime she is asked, simply says she will make the appt. later. Yet, When She gets sick... she is at the doctors office that day, and comes home with a prescription for the meds to make her well within hours.
My Girlfriend has been sexually active for just over 2 years and her mother has known this yet never has taken her to a Gyno, for the past two months she has been telling her "Next week, Next week, Next week... etc.".
So Finally, I got fed up with her not taking care of her daughter and I took her to a planned parenthood clinic today for a full exam, birth control consultation, and mammogram. thank god she is healthy all around, the STI/D test results will be in, in three weeks. Now, she told her mother she dident need to worry about making her an appointment anymore because I took her. Well guess what her mother has to say to that?
A bunch of mean stuff that I don't want to repeat, but in general it was: "The only reason he did that was because he wants to fuck you." now she no longer likes me.
We have been having sex for the past two months. Why on earth would I go through all that trouble and help her pay the eighty dollar fee for what I was already getting? wtf?

I seriously don't know what to do, I want to get her out of that environment and she wants us to move in together with one of my best friends, but the house prices in NJ are... wow.
No one seems to be renting either...
geeze, I just need to bounce this off some people and see what their takes on the situation.
Honestly, she and I have a wonderful, healthy, loving relationship.
I can see this leading to marriage and so can she, but her mother is a serious dragon in need of slaying.


HELP?


You know you are on the precipice of greatness when you feel joy, fear, and the butterflies of change all at the same time.



Last edited by Smitten; April 29th 2009 at 03:27 AM.
   
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Re: The Dragon Lady, An Epic Tale of Evil. Part 1 - April 29th 2009, 03:57 AM

Gosh, that does sound like a very terrible situation to be in. It sounds like both your girlfriend and her mother have been through a very tough time.

When it comes to her mother and what to think about her, I really won't make any comments. My reason for this is because I have absolutely no idea why she is how she is. There could be so many factors leading to her being so unhappy.. It's not my place to judge.

As for the situation your girlfriend is in, I think that getting away from the situation may be best for her. You said that there's a friend you guys would be able to move in with. When would you be able to do that, if so? If there are no places to rent, splitting rent with your friend may be the best option for now.



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April 29th 2009, 06:39 PM

That is what I have been looking to do. He wants to get a place with me and split costs, but there is no where to rent. -sigh-

no one else has ANY opinions?


You know you are on the precipice of greatness when you feel joy, fear, and the butterflies of change all at the same time.



Last edited by Gaia; April 29th 2009 at 07:44 PM. Reason: double post.
   
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Re: The Dragon Lady, An Epic Tale of Evil. Part 1 - April 29th 2009, 07:50 PM

I honestly think you should stay out of their relationship. Yes, she may not be the best mother, but really, its not your place to judge. Finding a flat can take time, but for now, its the only option you have.
There isn't much you can do, as its your girlfriend who has the issues with her mother, not you. Yes it effects you, but more indirectly. Look after your girlfriend to the best of your abilities, this is the best you can do for now, until you can get her out the house.
I hope things go well for you.


"Life is pain, anybody that says different is selling something" ~ Fezzik's Mother, The Princess Bride. ♥

"To die, would be an awfully big adventure."~ Peter Pan

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumoured by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

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Re: The Dragon Lady, An Epic Tale of Evil. Part 1 - April 30th 2009, 02:54 AM

Thanks, But If her mother tries to pull her away from me, I am going to pull back. Hard.
So, Any other comments?


You know you are on the precipice of greatness when you feel joy, fear, and the butterflies of change all at the same time.


   
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Re: The Dragon Lady, An Epic Tale of Evil. Part 1 - April 30th 2009, 03:07 AM

Pretty soon beach houses are going to be opening up in OC NJ and I know early in the season renting prices are dirt cheap like 600 for a 4 bedroom and if your spliting the cost with your friend if they came along that like 300 for a week. Check it out.

I know this probably wasn't what you were looking for but at least it might get her out of her mothers house for a week or 2.

Good Luck
   
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Re: The Dragon Lady, An Epic Tale of Evil. Part 1 - April 30th 2009, 03:40 AM

thanks, I was looking at monthly rates though. IDK, maybe I will try convincing my parents to let me move into the basement with her xD


You know you are on the precipice of greatness when you feel joy, fear, and the butterflies of change all at the same time.


   
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