Best friend & boyfriend

[Rainie]

So basically, I’m a girl with a boyfriend, and we’ve been going out for about two weeks now. I know he really cares about me, and I care about him too but I’m starting to have second thoughts. I used to have a crush on one of my (probably straight) female friends, but it wore off when I started dating this boy. But recently I’ve started to regain my feelings for said girl, and I’m thinking about whether I really want this relationship with this boy. We speak on twitter through DM’s, but I accidently-on-purpose blocked him because of the stress I was going though (this whole dilemma plus some stuff at home and my social anxiety). We met up the other day, and I spent half an hour pacing around the local park due to the aforementioned social anxiety, before I decided I was going to go back home and bumped into him on the way, thus spending time together that day. I want to be able to talk about it on twitter, hence why I’ve blocked him, so I created a different account to talk to him on, but before I could get him to follow me back so I could DM him, I got suspended for excessive following.


I’m scared for our relationship that I don’t even know if I want, and of course this massive crush on my female friend who may or may not even be bi. We’ve never spoken about it properly, but she knows I’m pansexual.


So help please? Thanks in advance >.<

I don't use Twitter and so don't entirely understand all of the lingo you're using, but I get the basic gist of what you are saying. I think that it's important to be honest with your boyfriend and, furthermore, to talk in person, or at least over the phone. Technology often obscures our meaning about things; by hearing a person's voice and, even better, by seeing their facial cues, we can better understand one another.

Part of honesty is owning your thoughts, feelings and actions. I'm not sure how you "accidentally-on-purpose" block someone. You clicked the block button and you did it because you let your anxiety get the best of you without talking to your boyfriend about it. It sounds like this caused some hurt feelings. It's important to own your decision to do that, just like it's important to own your anxiety. Having mental health issues can make relationships hard, but it's important to trust our partners to help us, rather than acting out on feelings. Feelings are not facts, and they definitely aren't always our friends. Trusting other people can help us slog through those tough times where things are overwhelming.

Ultimately, it sounds to me like you aren't sure about this relationship. If your feelings for your friend (even knowing she may not reciprocate them) are strong enough to make you question your current relationship then you may not be ready to be in that relationship. It's not fair to your partner. I would suggest thinking about whether or not this relationship is really the right choice for you.