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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Unhappy I broke up because I had to, not because I wanted to - August 30th 2014, 05:54 AM

So, for the past year I've had a secret long distance relationship. I didn't have a lot of friends at school and he was the one I could bring my worries to and he made me happy. He was 24 when i met him and i was 17. My parents were against it so we secretly still kept in contact. (From South Korea to the US!) Now, a year later, I am legally allowed to date him but my father is convinced he was some sort of creep. He was a genuinely nice guy and way better person than i could be.
I'm going to college soon and I am feeling the need to leave high school behind and start fresh, not just with myself but my parents as well.

To be honest I have never been the one to do the breaking up. It was one of the hardest things i've done. The reason being I still like him, but i knew it wasn't going to work at this time in my life. He said he understood that our situation was bad, but he said to come back when I truly love him. That cut deep. I feel guilty and sad. I wanted to keep talking as friends but, he doesn't want to.

Is there any advice on how to move on or calm the situation between us? I feel like i ripped my own heart out and am trying to put it back inside my chest.
   
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Re: I broke up because I had to, not because I wanted to - September 1st 2014, 06:09 AM

Hey there,

The end of a relationship is a tough thing to go through, even when you're the one doing the breaking up. It's completely normal to feel how you're feeling right now.

For right now, take some time and focus on yourself. Keep yourself busy and occupied so you don't spend an excessive amount of time thinking about the breakup. Find some healthy hobbies or activities to pass the time, and do things that you enjoy doing. Going away to college is an exciting time in one's life! Use this time to prepare yourself for that and try to get out and meet some new people. Make the most of this opportunity!

After break ups, it's normal for some people to not want to be friends right away (or ever). I know you may want to keep him as a friend and in your life, but try to respect his wishes for now. It's always a wise idea to give it some time so both of you can heal and move on from each other. If you're both not on the same page it won't end well.

Although it's super cliche, give it time. Time is what helps you move on from the end of a relationship and the passing of time can also help calm a situation. Give him the space that he needs right now, and give yourself the attention you need to get through this. Unfortunately there's no set time limit of how long it takes to get over someone, but eventually, with time it does get easier.

In addition to the advice/suggestions I provided, I would also recommend checking out this article from TeenHelp about Breaking Up.

Hope this helped a bit.
Take care. :]


A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
   
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Re: I broke up because I had to, not because I wanted to - September 3rd 2014, 10:07 PM

Well, I have a handful of questions about the circumstances.

First, have you talked to him in person? I find it hard for people to truly fall in love if they do not have firsthand experience with someone. I know people who are great communicators through paper but once they meet in person, it doesn't click. Also, it is a lot easier to be a "good" person online or through phone conversations than in real life.

Are you two still in different countries? If you are, you may want to reconsider. It could work out but it also may not.

The last comment is kind of cold and cruel. I'd give it a cooling off period and instead focus on your own life. Start picking up a new hobby or a new job. Something to keep yourself busy.
   
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