Is online dating stupid?

I was on another website and I sort of had a mini rant over my experience with online dating and the responses I got were "You shouldn't actively seek out romance you should let it find you." Now, I am a firm believer in this but at the same time I don't really get out there in the world. I am super shy and the volunteering I do doesn't enable me to meet a lot of people. I am around people but the way it is set up doesn't really allow me to make friends or hasn't yet. Maybe I could take some initiative and ask for phone numbers but I don't get comfortable enough with the people I work with over the 6 week period, once a week, to do so.

My dad is the one who suggested online dating. He said it would be a good way for me to put myself out there. I didn't take him too seriously at first but then I asked my best friend about it and he said with how shy I am and the barrier I put up with people it might be a good way to meet people. So, I gave it a shot and I haven't been having the best experience. One guy turned out to be weird, one guy completely ditched me and this last guy...IDK what happened. Everything seemed fine and then he went AWOL.

But, my point is, is it wrong to be seeking it out? Should I just let it come to me? Or, is it good that I am putting myself out there? My dad says it is a good thing and with time I will find what I am looking for. I am doubting that but that is a whole other post. I just wonder if I am going about this the wrong way. I don't really know. I've met people who have done online dating and it worked for them. My best friend found his boyfriend on an online site. My dad found his partner on an online site. It does work for people but by looking for it am I seeking out trouble? Is it better to just let whatever happens happen?

I don't really know. I don't feel 100% comfortable having myself online. I will totally admit that but I don't know how else to try and meet people. I am not social. The only social event I go to is karaoke on thursdays and occasional saturdays and there isn't much to pick from there. This seems like the only way to get myself out there but after those comments made on that other website I feel like maybe I am seeming desperate or something?

Idk what I am looking for in posting this. I just needed a place to vent about this.

[Celyn]

I have no idea about the whole let love find you vs actively seeking it out debate; I’m on the fence about that. But at the same time, I’m in exactly the same position as you. One day, I would like to fall in love, get married, have children etc, but I have no social life whatsoever. Also, since I want to be a primary school teacher, there is a lack of male teachers, so no chance there I guess for me the only way would be meeting guys through facebook, through mutual friends or if me and my friends deliberately decided to go out looking (since I wouldn’t go on my own haha).

Surprisingly, many people our age are trying online dating. I used to think it was for older people So I don’t think you will be desperate, if you do go for it. I’m also on the fence about online dating in general. It’s probably my insecurities but it’s so easy to lie on dating sites. Me and my friend set up a fake profile on a dating site. Everything was realistic, even the profile picture we chose. We ended up with a lot of older men trying to contact us, and I don’t think they wanted a relationship. However, if things don’t work out for me, I do see online dating sites as an option, it’s just an easier way of finding someone.

I say just do whatever you feel comfortable doing. I don’t think you would be searching for trouble, but it would be a good idea to be wary of anyone you talk to and look out for yourself

[Ennui.]

I don't find it stupid at all. I mean, my sister found her husband on an online dating site, and I am sure that if nobody ever had a successful time on one of these sites, they'd go out of business. So, I don't think it's desperate. I find it more of a way to broaden your options when you may have a harder time meeting people in your day-to-day life.

I'm sure you've heard the saying "you have to go through a few frogs to get to your prince," right? Sorry if it was you who had said it, I know I saw it from a THer but I don't remember who! But regardless, I am a believer in that. Most people don't find "the one" the first time or two around. But as long as they keep trying, they'll find someone.

So personally, online dating isn't stupid. It expands your options a bit and allows you to get to know other people. While Holly is right that people CAN lie, I think that there are just as many people out there that are truly trying to find the one for them.

[Rivière]

I don't think it's stupid. It's just another method of trying to find a connection with someone. I've never tried it but my best in-person friend has and that was how he met his boyfriend.

There's all kinds of people on online dating sites. I think a good place to start is to see profiles of people who share similar interests to you, or sign up to more than one. You don't have to stick to one and trying out multiple ones can widen your 'search'.

Not everyone meets someone instantly. Some perfect matches take time.

[luckiicloverxx]

Online dating definitely isn't something stupid. I don't really believe that love will find you, because it's like saying that everything that is meant to happen will happen (i.e. we don't need to work hard or do anything to get what we want) but that's just my opinion.

I think it's great for you to put yourself out there like that. Eventually, I think that you might also learn some tricks like what topics are safe and good to talk about when you first meet someone and stuff like that. In addition to that, the people you meet in real life might not be looking for a relationship at all, but the people on the online dating site definitely are.

As long as you're safe about the amount of information you give out, I think online dating would be great for you!

[Coffee.]

I don't think so either. I often discourage my friends from using it, especially since I feel it gives them an outlet to stay insecure and "give up" on the local dating scene too soon. But if somebody is naturally shy, it can be a great place to meet people. Considering I met a lot of my friends online, I can only imagine that it's just as possible to meet a great partner as well.

[Maverick.]

It depends. There are many catfishes online dating sites and apps. Like I mean like 70% of good looking profiles are catfishes.

I mean I would rather let love happen naturally. Of if you are gonna use an online dating service, that you give it time and maybe someone who you least suspect you be involved with either online or offline, you might connect with.

[Astrophile.]

I meet most of my friends online and it caused me to meet my best friend and love of my life. It's possible to create great connections online. I don't think it's stupid, and it's great for people who are shy.

[Hiraeth]

Just going to add to that and say that yes, you will meet jerks online, but this way, at least you find out sooner that they're not respectful of your time. The internet does bring out the best and the worst in people. But, if the intention is to develop an intimate connection with someone, you'll eventually be seeing all of that anyway. Better sooner than later.

If people ditch you without notice and waste your time without apologizing, or speak to you disrespectfully, you're welcome to return their favour by hitting the block button. It can be quite empowering to do. Respect is a two way street after all.