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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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DYon Offline
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dealing with a "breakup" - January 10th 2015, 07:43 PM

I'm just having a hard time and looking for some encouragement. I've been having problems getting back into my old life because I told about a month and a half ago the first person I ever loved, my best friend, I loved him and he told me he couldn't return the sentiment and doesn't feel the same love for me. That's a little beyond what I am wanting help on...

My problem is I am having problems getting back into music. I am a musician and composer - music is my life - but the love of my life, who I still deeply care for, keeps "showing himself' in my music; I mean music reminds me of him and I often cry and get down on myself when it happens. Music was a major thing in his life and it meant a lot to him, but he gave it up about 5 years ago and it wasn't until this week that I encouraged him to try and start playing again. Maybe the problem is we are still friends? Music is my passion; it's my life; I am in school to become a music educator; but I am starting to HATE music because of the sad memories.

I just need help coping with this. I have no idea what to do. I have felt like I have lost my purpose in life because I cannot even focus on it anymore without thing of C...my best friend, my first true love. I just need some advice or encouragement I think. I don't know what to do I'm a wreck.
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Re: dealing with a "breakup" - January 11th 2015, 07:05 PM

I'm sorry what you're going for. I can't 100% understand what you're going through, as I've never been through something like this, but my own boyfriend is a musician and I understand that it would be incredibly disorienting for him to feel unable to play for these types of reasons.

I don't think your distaste for music is permanent. You can use music to cope with these feelings. Sometimes, you need to embrace the feeling you are feeling. In our culture, we drug people up or tell people to repress to such an extent. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to mourn what could have been with this man. Music can give you an outlet to feel sad, angry, or any other emotion that you may be feeling and to channel it into healing in order to fully get over it.

Also, reconsider whether or not you want him in your life. Although you are friends, is this relationship hurting you more than helping you? Sometimes, you need to do what's best for you. If your friendship is opening more wounds, than you may want to maturely push him away and instead surround yourself with friends who care.

Stay strong.


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
DYon Offline
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Re: dealing with a "breakup" - January 11th 2015, 09:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coffee. View Post
I'm sorry what you're going for. I can't 100% understand what you're going through, as I've never been through something like this, but my own boyfriend is a musician and I understand that it would be incredibly disorienting for him to feel unable to play for these types of reasons.

I don't think your distaste for music is permanent. You can use music to cope with these feelings. Sometimes, you need to embrace the feeling you are feeling. In our culture, we drug people up or tell people to repress to such an extent. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to mourn what could have been with this man. Music can give you an outlet to feel sad, angry, or any other emotion that you may be feeling and to channel it into healing in order to fully get over it.

Also, reconsider whether or not you want him in your life. Although you are friends, is this relationship hurting you more than helping you? Sometimes, you need to do what's best for you. If your friendship is opening more wounds, than you may want to maturely push him away and instead surround yourself with friends who care.

Stay strong.
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.

I just am so confused and not sure what to do. I've never really had a friendship before so it's difficult for me to realize if it is hurting more than it is helping. Part of me doesn't want to drop the friendship even if I know it is hurting me. And everything else is great, we aren't mean or distasteful to each other, it's just when I am around him, all I think about are these negative thoughts and I think it's negatively affecting my music and concentration when I am away from him.

It totally SUCKS that I am having problems playing now because of him. I almost feel like i would trade ANYTHING to not be feeling like this. Recently, whenever I attempt to play, it only takes about 5 minutes before I have to stop because I am in tears and cannot handle playing any longer. I don't how I can even get past this. I *use* to LOVE music but now I can barely do anything before I am flooded in very sad, dark, emotions. =(
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