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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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SamMarie Offline
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I feel like I'm dating his mom sometimes - March 4th 2015, 08:04 PM

It's just so weird honestly. I mean, I know my boyfriend and his mom are close. My boyfriend is her first born miracle baby. If she hears us arguing she'll jump into our relationship drama. I mean, it may be a small fight and she'll back him up 100% over me. These are LITTLE fights. I don't want him to go against his own mother. I know I'll never win that way. He's 23 years old for god's sake. Honestly, my relationship with her is good. I mean, we're usually on good terms but she has her moments where she hates the idea of me encouraging him to set him in the right direction in college for instance, too. "Work is more important" she says. It IS, but if you want him to make more money now and feel more comfortable, get a degree. It can only help you in the long run. Encouragement and telling someone what to do are two totally different things. Back off, woman.

Last night, I was on Skyping with my boyfriend on webcam and she thought this one musical artist was good looking and said that he looks like my boyfriend. I just feel really weird about all of of this. It's like I have to please 2 people in the relationship. We've been dating nearly 3 1/2 years. It's time to grow up and let your son be a man. Gosh. She gives me this vibe like we're in High School and she's the girl that likes him and wants all the attention from him. I mean she still tells him what time to come home through text. My parents never do that crap unless it was some kind of emergency. Anybody ever have this?




                   
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Re: I feel like I'm dating his mom sometimes - March 4th 2015, 09:48 PM

Yes, yes and yes! Unfortunately, that is her little miracle boy and some mothers are more attached than others. You may want to express to your boyfriend that you feel like the mother smothers your relationship at times.

Has he ever had any other girlfriends before? If you're the first, or the first serious one, then she might just not want to let him go. Does she have a husband? How is the relationship between them? These things can give you some insight into her personality.

I personally advise against talking to the mother about this, although I am pretty sure other people are going to tell you to. Yes, in a perfect "everything's awesome" world, you can openly communicate your frustrations to her. But in this situation, confronting it directly might backfire on you, and she might become resentful and further strain the relationship.



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Re: I feel like I'm dating his mom sometimes - March 5th 2015, 08:57 AM

Kat's right! I've been in similar situations with my boyfriend's mother and it's very smothering. The different: I can't keep my mouth shut. She raised her son to be the man he is today. Anytime we have a party at our home, she jumps in and starts telling US what to do: who is being invited, what foods will be served, etc. It gets very annoying. Normally, he takes care of it but sometimes, I need to jump in too.

Ultimately, that type of approach doesn't always work with some people. Obviously, he's her first born so she's going to treat him differently than his siblings. Same for me: I'm the youngest, so my mom was more productive with my sister in the way she was raised in comparison to her "low key" way with me.

Communication is key, so I'd address the issues you're having with your boyfriend. Letting him know how you feel will help work the issues out.

I wish you the best of luck!
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Re: I feel like I'm dating his mom sometimes - March 6th 2015, 01:34 AM

Yeah. I just don't know how to exactly talk to my boyfriend about it. I don't want to talk to his mother about any kind of "frustrations" because last time it really did backfire. Last time, I asked her a simple question like, "How come Brandon doesn't talk about the future and marriage with me, but a lot of other couples do?" She went on a rampage thinking that I wanted to marry him right away when it was all just wishful thinking and trying to bring her back to a time when she ever had that. But, she never really believed in marriage. She never saw the point even though she was kind of forced to get married because her husband said they needed to. It was clear who was more traditional. As I was raised the same traditional way as well. But, anyway. I just want to be able to talk about my frustrations without him thinking that I'm going against his mother. Something in me thinks I just have to give it time because I know how most men mature very slowly. I don't know, I guess it is hard to let go of a first born. I wouldn't know. Never had children. But, I have WISHFULLY thought of what my future would look like because I've always been one to think ahead in life more than what's going on now. My boyfriend reminds me when to stop stressing and think about today. lol.




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Re: I feel like I'm dating his mom sometimes - March 10th 2015, 06:50 PM

Yes, yes and yes! I seriously feel your pain right now! It is by far the most aggravating thing in the world. Like you I get on well with my boyfriend's mum mostly. I try to just tune out all of the little dramas and problems she creates, of course there are moments where it is too much and I do get annoyed but I try not to let it show, because as you probably know "mummy knows best" and so on and so forth. I think your attitude is good because you have your boyfriend's best interests at heart, she is his mum and she does too, and it is okay to have differing opinions, if she ever does question yours just say "hey, this isn't both of our decision, it's so and so's". I think you should speak to your boyfriend, he probably doesn't know how you feel about his mum's interfering and maybe she doesn't realise it is interfering. By the sounds of it your boyfriend needs to be the one who puts his foot down on certain issues and tells his mum outright how it is. It's okay for you two to argue, that is part of being in a relationship, but there are three people in this relationship by the sounds of it and his mum needs to let go a little and let her boy go out into the world and make his own mistakes and be happy and choose what he wants to do and what's important to him and not her. Maybe his mum is a little lonely, maybe this is why she gets so involved?

I wish you the best of luck, and I'm here if you need a chat.

Paige


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Re: I feel like I'm dating his mom sometimes - March 11th 2015, 06:02 PM

I guess this tends to happen when he is a mama's boy. I don't entirely see anything wrong with this as everyone in my family has noticed he is as well. I always try to remain on the good side of her mother. I know deep down that if I don't, we would have a strain on our relationship. He is a hard working man though. He may not be the academic type, but he certainly is a hard worker being a dry wall finisher. I noticed a lot of his family members didn't go to college either. A few here and there did, however. He does know how I feel about this and he is quite embarrassed. I know he's trying to be a man, but change scares him. I comforted him by telling him that I'll stay with him not matter what. Acceptance from what I personally learned is the biggest part of any successful relationship. I am his first serious long-term girlfriend. We've been together for 3 whole years together. But, it's hard to move forward with our relationship when I'm told he's not ready. I guess all I can do is wait. I want him to feel ready and that's all I can do.




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