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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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SamMarie Offline
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Boyfriend think family first? - July 12th 2015, 09:43 AM

I'm not sure if I'm feeling just selfish or if I should be really upset. My boyfriend has been working 3 and a half hour away for the last 3 weeks at this job site. He will come home on the weekends of course to see his family and I which is obviously normal. But, family seems to always go first with him. He seems to care more about seeing his family more than me after him not seeing me at least this past weekend. I try to talk to him and have fun but he's just always too tired to do anything anymore. So yes I did the obvious and communicated with him and all he did to try and mend how I feel was oral sex with me when I was angry with him. I say to him "you get to see your family for 2 days and I only get to see you a half a day". He responds that he hasn't seen his family all week and I have to see my younger brother who's 14 and doesn't have any friends". The reason I only saw him half a day is because I work 12 hour night shifts this whole weekend and I need my sleep, but still. Really? I just feel like every excuse is family this family that. I gotta mow the lawn for my dad etc. he's 23 and I'm almost 21. I just get sick of this shit now and I'm gonna start not answering his calls or texts. I'm not saying don't care about your family but I just don't feel as important. I mean we've been together nearly 4 years. Ugh I know it's childish but what the hell do I do?




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Re: Boyfriend think family first? - July 12th 2015, 06:41 PM

Hey,

I get that this is frustrating, but flat-out ignoring his calls and texts isn't going to solve anything. It's good that you talked to him, but since it doesn't seem like that did much, you might want to talk to him again. Just say that you feel you don't see him enough and you'd like to spend a little more time together. Maybe invite him to do something with you for a day so you at least get some time together. I'm not sure how realistic this is, but could you possibly do something with him and his family? You and your boyfriend could go with his family on a picnic or a day trip or something. It's not a perfect solution, but at least he would get to see you and his family.

It sucks that you don't get to see him much, but it also sucks that he doesn't get to see his family a whole lot. His priority might be his family, but that doesn't necessarily mean he thinks they're more important than you, he might just have more things he needs to do and have more responsibilities at home. Try to keep his interests and priorities in mind even though it might be annoying.

I hope you guys work this out!
~Estelle



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Re: Boyfriend think family first? - July 13th 2015, 06:28 PM

It totally sucks that you don't really get to spend a lot of time with him, but shutting him out isn't going to fix that. He probably isn't intentionally spending less time with you. Like Estelle mentioned, he might have more responsibilities at home that make the demands on his time even heavier when he is home for a limited amount of time and he might not be able to do anything about that.

Have you considered going to spend time at his families house when he is home and offering to go out for lunch with him and his brother or helping out with his household chores? I know that is probably kind of lame, but then at least you're going to get to spend time with him, and if his family really does present more of a demand on his time, you won't create a conflict in his family by "taking him away when they need him" - it might cause a conflict for him and cause his family to resent you, even if that seems totally unfair to you.




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Re: Boyfriend think family first? - July 14th 2015, 03:57 PM

As the others said, shutting him out will only make the matters worse, but I really think the ideas of doing something all together with you, him and his family could really work, and i hope it does. PM me if you need anything.
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Re: Boyfriend think family first? - July 14th 2015, 07:27 PM

I hope all is working out for you.
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Re: Boyfriend think family first? - July 14th 2015, 07:35 PM

Thanks guys. Sorry for the childish post... wrote that all out of anger on my phone. We're okay now. I actually yelled at him as the final step, but he then realized he was sorry and didn't want me to be mad at him. We're okay now.. thank you.




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Re: Boyfriend think family first? - July 14th 2015, 09:53 PM

It's not childish to feel upset by a situation you don't like. I am happy you worked things out.




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Re: Boyfriend think family first? - July 15th 2015, 12:59 AM

Maybe taking a vacation somewhere would help you two relax and get time away with just the two of you. If that is, you job permits you to take breaks.
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