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Frustrated - February 8th 2016, 06:26 PM

Okay. This should be something minor, but it really hurt.

My husband is normally incredibly supportive and wonderful. For whatever reason, today, he was kind of mean and it hurt. Now I don't want to say anything to him because I'll explode if I do.

What happened:

We have a timid dog. I've been reading another dog could help. I've always wanted a pit but we don't have the room and can't have one in our apartment.
So I said to my husband. "In 3-5 years, if we have a large house, finances are okay, my depression is better, and we feel ready - we should get another dog".

He proceeded to freak out on me. "What!? We can't handle another dog! We can hardly take care of the one we have! No way! A baby and two dogs plus the house and the computer stuff and work? No!"
Then I said, "Well I was hoping my meds would help me so I could help more"

This is the part that hurt, "Yeah, well, we've been hoping that for years".
I've made SO much progress! He has NO right to say that to me! Where the heck did that come from? Heck, I've made like 70% progress in the last 3 months. So idk.
   
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Re: Frustrated - February 8th 2016, 07:05 PM

Oh, wow, I'm sorry your husband made that comment, Kelly. That's not right, you should face up to him and tell him what you've told us. I know you've been struggling with different things for years, and as your husband he should have been more understanding.
   
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Re: Frustrated - February 8th 2016, 08:38 PM

People say things they don't mean when they are upset. It doesn't hurt any less when they say it, and it doesn't excuse them from saying it though. Just talk to him about it and everything should be okay. Everyone has their bad moments.
   
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Re: Frustrated - February 8th 2016, 09:02 PM

I know what he said hurt you, but he probably didn't mean it in a malicious way. He's been by your side for years, and you have grown regardless of whether or not the meds worked at first. With that said, you have to think about how it's been for him too. I know it's been hell for you, but it frustrates him as well. Sometimes, the supporter needs support too. I hope that makes sense. It's all about communication. You should talk to him about it and see if this is the case with him. It'll help you understand where that comment came from and if he's needing some support too.


There is no beauty without some strangeness.
-EAP-

   
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Re: Frustrated - February 8th 2016, 09:38 PM

We talked and I told him how it made me feel. He said he didn't mean to hurt me, but he didn't think another dog was a good idea. I know he's been very stressed the last few months about money (especially with me going to the hospital for several weeks). So I guess bringing up something that requires more time, energy, and money wasn't a good idea on my part anyway.

It still hurts - what he said. But I understand why he reacted the way he did. So we're able to move on from it now.

Thank you all for the replies.
   
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Re: Frustrated - February 8th 2016, 09:40 PM

I'm glad you spoke about it. I think, for now, it's best to focus on short term goals and ideas rather than thinking about five or ten years down the road. That could have been another factor to the stress, but you had no idea. I love planning that far ahead, but it's best to step back and look at the present.
   
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