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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Skyline Offline
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Name: Skye
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Unhappy not sure if this is the right thing for me, but I'm stuck in it - February 18th 2016, 08:46 PM

I hate the situation that I'm in and I just need to vent and get someone from the outside to tell me what they think of this situation.

Basically I and my boyfriend have been dating for over two months now, and if should be going well, we don't fight, we both like each other, but it's just so hard for me because of several complications.
Basically he's a senior, so he'll be graduating in four months time and will be studying art at a college far away from where I live. Far away as in about seven or eight hours on the train. We've spoken about what it might mean for us, and we both know that it's highly unlikely we would give long distance a try, for obvious reasons, so almost inevitably this will mean breaking up.
I tell myself that I need to make the most of the time we have together, but it's just so hard because I know that I'll have to let go in the end. I told him this, I said "it's just so hard to build something up when you know that it'll almost certainly be knocked down", and he said that he had thought about it too but that we just had to relax and make the most of these four months and then we'll see.
But what makes this so hard is that I'm the one struggling; he doesn't seem to be disturbed by it at all, he accepts it, and if that's not the case then he's making a really good job of hiding his true feelings.
I told him that it also scared me because I believe that I like him more than he likes me, and he agreed that that does seem to be the case, but that he still likes me.
It's so hard because although he tries, he doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through. I think that predicting an inevitable break-up would be so much more bearable if he were just as tormented about it as I am, because we would be on the same page. But we're not. He seems relaxed about it, he's already accepted that it will happen, whereas I feel so emotional about it and I often cry thinking about it, as I am now.

So I'm stuck here, I know that I really like him and I even think I'm falling in love with him, but I know that it will almost certainly end in four months time and I know that it will be much easier for him to leave me, because 1- we already have both noticed that he cares about me less than I do for him, plus 2- he'll be moving on to a new and exciting stage of his life...
I'm just scared for my future self in four months time who will have to go through a break up, and I'll still be in high school (which I hate), and I know that it will be extremely hard for me.

I've wondered about breaking up with him now, but I think that that would probably make things worse; I couldn't go around school every day seeing him and thinking of what we could have and feeling so alone and unhappy. I hate it, but in all honesty it seems to be the case that at the place that I am in my life, most of my happiness comes from spending time with him.
I feel like a better solution is, as he said, to try to just relax and make the most out of this situation by enjoying the four months and accepting whatever happens afterwards. But I know that it will be hard, because in this situation I'm the vulnerable one, and I can't help but thinking of how I'll inevitably end up getting hurt in the end.

So yeah, this is where I'm at...


"You shall love your crooked neighbour / with your crooked heart."
   
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Re: not sure if this is the right thing for me, but I'm stuck in it - February 19th 2016, 06:50 AM

I'm sorry that this is the situation you're in. However, I think you should try and make the most of the time. Tell your boyfriend that although you are unsure if long distance will work, that you want to extend your time together past those 4 months you think you have left. I don't think that this guy isn't worried about it at all. I know when something like this happens where they see it as an inevitable ending, they just accept it and do nothing. That doesn't mean they don't care or worry. That's just how they are. If you guys truly are supposed to be together, then everything will work out. Enjoy your time and maybe at the end of the four months you guys decide it's worth it to try long distance. I know a lot of people who went to separate colleges and kept long distance, and stayed together a long time. It's not impossible. It just takes a lot of work. Just like any relationship does really. Best of luck and I hope everything works out.
   
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