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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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canadaguy232 Offline
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Question I need some advice... - March 14th 2016, 06:29 AM

Okay, so I have kind of a complicated situation here... My girlfriend and I broke up about a week ago. We had been dating for 4 years. I broke up with her because she confessed that she liked another guy and she had kissed him the weekend earlier. I have been an absolute wreck ever since and I find it very hard to focus on anything. But anyways... Last night she texted me to see how I was doing (which was really strange and out of the blue) and we started talking and she admitted that she still loved me but she also still likes this other guy (who is the complete opposite to me). I am what most people would call a "nice" guy, I treated her very well. This guy that she likes is the kind of person I don't get along with, he's a "guys guy" who doesn't treat women with much respect. She didn't say that she wanted to get back together but she did say that there was something missing in her life and our relationship and she needs to find out what that is before making any decisions. My question is, if she finds whatever it is she is looking for and discovers that she wants to be with me, should I take her back? I can't imagine a life without her so at this point, I would probably give her another chance but I don't know if it is the right thing to do. I just don't know if I could ever trust her fully again. Especially considering that a couple of years ago she admitted that she had feeling for another guy (who also is the complete opposite of me) but they "passed". After a short break we got back together. I just feel like this is a pattern with her and she will never be satisfied with me fully. But I am also worried what will happen if she ends up with this other guy. He is into hard core drugs and I'm afraid that she will go down the same path. I am also afraid that he will treat her badly. I will still care about her no matter what she does to me because I still consider her my best friend... So... If the situation arises where she wants to get back together or if she decides she wants to be with him what should I do?
   
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Re: I need some advice... - March 14th 2016, 08:32 AM

Heya, first of all I'm sorry you're having a hard time dealing with the break up, I can imagine it must be devastating
Now to your question, I don't think you should get back with her, no matter what she says; it's unfair to you that she's able to go between another guy and you because it suits her. It's fine that she likes other guys -- after all, you can't stop yourself from having feelings for someone -- however it's not fine that she's taking advantage of your forgiveness and kindness. That being said, I think that if I were in your situation and I really loved my partner I would give in and get back with them, but that's not the example to follow.
If you're worried about her well-being with this other guy who does hard drugs, make sure to be there for her as a friend.

I hope this works out!


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Garyl Offline
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Re: I need some advice... - March 16th 2016, 09:21 PM

It sounds like this is a pattern with her. She's happy with you, but then someone new, exciting, and shiny comes along and she's attracted to them, so she asks to be apart from you. She finds out they aren't as great as they seem and wants to get back together with you because you treat her well and you're stable. It seems like she needs a periodic "break" to be reminded of how good your relationship is. However, that's not how healthy relationships should work. You're with the person because you know you want to be with them. You don't need to "try someone else out" to reinforce the idea that what you have is right with you.

We can't tell you what you should do; the choice is yours. But it sounds like you're unhappy with how things went and if you do decide to give her another chance you need to be very clear with her about what you want and need from her going forward for this to work. You need to let her know how you would like to be treated and, in turn, share with her how you plan to treat her. That way everyone is on the same page.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need anything else.


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