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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Bubs76 Offline
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Unhappy Best Friend and Boyfriend problems - May 4th 2016, 09:30 PM

Wellll....

1st I'm going to give you a little back story..
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and I really feel like I love him. In late October, early November, I saw him texting his best friend that he liked on of my friends (we will call her Kelly for the sake of privacy), more than me but he couldn't break up with me because his mom would get mad. I was devastated I had already had self-worth problems and depression and that just set me off. I didn't talk to him after I saw it until her went home, then i texted his best friend is one of my closest friends as well, and asked him why he didn't tell me, I could tell my boyfriend was acting weird because he wouldnt wait for me after school to say good bye, he wouldn't ever text me, and he always just tried to avoid me. I knew something was up.. After about a week of arguing about it, I finally just told him I would forget about it and we decided to move on together and not break up.

Now, My best friend (who we will call Mary for the sake of privacy) spends so much time with my boyfriend, which normally wouldn't bother me until I found out that my boyfriend had a thing for my other friend Kelly. Today we had the day off of school, and my best friend, boyfriend, and I all hung out. Personally i would have rather just hung out alone with my Boyffirned but what ever.. Anyway i spent most of the day 3rd wheeling and my boyfriend knows i am upset but he just got angry with me and was defensive saying that he doesn't like her, I want to believe him, I really do, but the thing is, he has a past for liking my friends and I just don't know how to handle this anymore. I have put so much into our relationship and i don't want to just give up but.. I don't know what to do, please help...
   
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Re: Best Friend and Boyfriend problems - May 4th 2016, 10:32 PM

Hey,

I'm sorry things aren't working out too well with him right now. I get that you don't want to break it off since you guys have been together for so long, but at this point it seems like it's causing you a lot of stress. If you have to spend your time together worrying about whether or not he likes you and not trusting him, it might be time to rethink your relationship. You should definitely at least have an honest, up-front conversation about his feelings and your feelings to try and clear it up.

I guess my main piece of advice would be to not stay with him just because you feel like you have to since you've been together for so long. I know this would probably be a really hard thing to do, but it's better to break this off now and go on as friends than it is to spend more time stressing about whether he really likes you and being an awkward third wheel in your own friend group.

Hope that helped! My inbox is always open if you need anything or just want to chat

~Estelle



The opposite of war isn't peace - it's creation
~Jonathan Larson

   
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Re: Best Friend and Boyfriend problems - May 10th 2016, 01:12 PM

Hi!

I'm sorry for all of these problems. it seems like you're going through some pretty rough stuff right now. Hopefully it all works out in the end.

My advice is that you talk to him about it, tell him you want to have a conversation about it because it's been bothering you. If he gets mad at you and gets all defensive again, maybe he's hiding something? I'm only saying this because of my past experiences. Usually when people get defensive when you bring something like that up, it sometimes means that what you're saying is bothering you is exactly what their doing. He shouldn't be getting mad about you being open with what's bothering you.

You said he's had a past of liking your friends, so I'm going to assume you mean during your relationship. If that's the case, I would break up with him. You shouldn't feel obligated to stay with someone just because you've been with them for a long time. If he isn't being a good boyfriend and is making you become paranoid about things that you shouldn't even be worrying about, he isn't being a good partner. Also, if he's thinking about other girls while you're together I would break up with him immediately, and now I'm stressing this since you said he's had a past of liking your friends.

I would also ask your friend if he flirted with her in any way. If your friend says he did, break up with him. Don't bring your friend into the problem though, if your boyfriend starts to attack your friend when you bring up the fact that he was flirting with her, tell him to stop. Your friend didn't do anything wrong to my knowledge.

I know breaking up with a boyfriend of two years will seem hard at first, and once it happens you'll probably be very sad about it, but it'd be for the best.
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