Bi, dating, and preferences

[Eternal]

So I'm bisexual and my boyfriend has known this. Well recently I told him I think I prefer girls, and he got pretty upset by it. He said it wasn't a nice thing to say. I don't really understand why it was such a big deal though, I still like men too? It's just like if I said I prefer black hair when his is brown. To that he said "yeah but it seems like you're wanting them to change instead of accepting who they are in that scenario." Now I'm upset because I feel invalidated and like I'm not allowed to have my gender preference. I obviously like him, and I've never asked him to change.
He asked his best friend (who is also a male) what he thought, and he agreed if he was dating a girl who is bi and she said she prefers women, he would feel uncomfortable. On one hand, I can see where he is coming from (although I don't think I would be upset if I was dating someone who is bi and prefered the opposite gender), but on the other it doesn't mean I only like women, and like I said I feel almost like I'm not allowed to like what I like.

I'm wondering what other people's opinions are on this.

[del677]

Maybe reassure him you DO like him and want to stay with him (for now).

Saying you prefer women could be interpreted as your interest in men is waning, which in turn could imply your interest in him is waning (which to a guy might sound like he isn't going to get any more booty from you. [he might go even further and conclude he will be single forever, because every woman he's ever dated became a lesbian or a nun.]) People tend to catastrophise any news they hear.

But you can easily fix that by reassuring him he'll still get booty from you (which is probably the most important thing to him right now, because he's a man and all men are cursed by evolution to be that way.)


Best wishes and congratulations on being bi. Your dating pool is double the size! You're also a unique and wonderful individual. Communication issues plague us all.

[Eternal]

Sex definitely isn't the most important thing to him right now. We have a healthy sex life, but we're also 100 miles apart until I graduate in March. I'm actually the first girl he's ever dated (or had feelings for, really), and he's 23. We've been together almost a year and we're extremely close so I should have emphasized this in my first post I suppose, but he knows I love him. I suppose that's why I found it odd that he got upset when I said I prefer women, because I figured it didn't affect anything. He said he's gotten over it now and is fine with who I am, but I'm still curious if anyone else has run into this conflict.

[.Brittany.]

Hi Nicole

The only thing that really comes to my mind for the reason that he might be acting this way is that he might be nervous that you will find a girl that you like and end up leaving him because you prefer girls. However, if you explain that to him maybe he would understand more? We can't really control who we like. I'm always here if you need to talk <3

Brittany

[TheAtomicBlade]

Hi Nicole,
Well, as a guy who has not had a relationship, I can say its probably a case of him feeling insecure. He probably is worried that you will find a girl and leave him because you prefer girls.
Maybe you can sit him down after you graduate and have this conversation face to face? I'm assuming this happened over skype or something, and its possible he just felt insecure, so talking to him face to face will probably help.
I'm here if you want to talk
Tort