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Name: Anne
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Question Beginning again - March 25th 2017, 07:02 PM

Recently I have begun a new relationship with a great guy. He is smart and funny and can always put a smile on my face, but there are so many problems that I need to work out, but just dont know how. First of all, I'm really scared. My previous relationship (and also my first) ended badly, the guy I was with did not actually like me at all and cheated on me. About two months later he started dating one of my friends. It hurt at first, but I'm okay now because I know that he hurt me on purpose and he's a jerk. But I'm finding it hard to trust people now. I feel like every ones trying to hurt me, but I know thats not true. Second of all my friend used to date my new boyfriend. She was really mad at first and then she said it didn't matter i could date him, but I think shes still really mad. I really like this guy and I dont want to lose him, but I dont want to lose her either. What do I do?


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Re: Beginning again - March 27th 2017, 12:15 AM

Hey Anne,

I am glad you have found a guy who puts a smile on your face. I know how hard it is to move on from a relationship where you were cheated on and even though you move on from the person, it is hard to regain the ability to trust. I was cheated on in my first relationship too and for a long time, I thought I was never going to trust anyone. But the truth is, not everyone is like your ex. There are people who care for you and want to be with you because they like you. Personally, I find it easier, to be honest from the start and tell the person I am with that I have a few trust issues because of what happened in the past. Communicating our fears and talking this out with our partner are the best way to make a relationship work.

Have you told your friend that you really like the guy and that you don't want to loose him? Maybe you could hang out with her, just the two of you and bring it up. Tell her you feel bad that she is getting distant or is still mad at you and that you don't want to lose her as a friend. Yes, maybe she is still mad at you but it is definitely something that you can work out with her because she said you could date him. It is best if you talk to her as soon as possible and put all ill feelings at ease.

There isn't much more advice that I can give you because I honestly feel that the best solution to both your concerns is to communicate with them. I hope things work out for you.

Good luck. <3
Kav.


"Being happy isn't about having everything in your life perfect. Maybe it is about stringing together all the little things."

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Re: Beginning again - March 28th 2017, 05:24 AM

Hey, Anne!

I'm sorry to hear about your previous relationship. I can understand how that would cause you to develop issues trusting people, mainly a romantic partner. An important factor in a relationship is trust, and it's important for a relationship to be built upon a foundation of love and trust. And when someone you deeply trusted shatters that foundation, it can understandably make you wary of forming that trust with someone else. But as Kav said, not everyone will go the same path as your ex-boyfriend. .

He sounds wonderful how he is smart, funny and always makes you smile. Someone who can make you smile a lot is always wonderful to have in your life and you deserve that! I understand needing to work out issues from your previous relationship. I'm wondering if you have talked to your boyfriend about this? Communication can resolve a lot of issues and ease worries, and help the other person understand what you're feeling/thinking. I think it may be beneficial to explain that you care about him a lot, and let him know he's a great guy but you're still struggling with a lot of trust issues due to your past experiences and aren't sure how to resolve those issues yet.

As for your friend, that sounds upsetting to be between two people you care a great deal about, and feeling like you have to pick one of them or the other one will be upset with you. I'm sorry you are in this situation. In a way, I understand why your friend is upset because it must be hard to see her ex-boyfriend with someone else, that is hard for many people understandably. Have you spoken with her in-depth about this? If she's holding back feelings about this, it could build up for sure. Give her a chance to let out her feelings regarding this situation, and let her know you care a lot about both of them and don't want to lose either of them. Be sure to reassure her you aren't wanting to hurt her, and didn't get into a relationship with her ex for the purpose of hurting her. Spending time with her and having a girl's day/night out could strengthen your bond a bit, and show her you really appreciate her.

Your previous boyfriend obviously didn't appreciate you or respect you the way you deserve to be appreciated and respected. You deserve a great guy and I'm hoping this guy you're in a relationship with now treats you the way you deserve; the opposite of how your previous boyfriend treated you. No matter what happens remember you've got support here, okay? Let us know how everything goes for you, Anne. Take care!
   
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