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Worried - January 12th 2018, 06:52 PM

My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot. She's stressed and I wish I had a way to help but she won't allow me to help. She won't talk about what's wrong. Any advice on how to make her feel more comfortable talking to me?


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Re: Worried - January 13th 2018, 02:23 AM

Hey there,

It can be difficult when your partner doesn't want to talk about the things that are bothering them. I know, my boyfriend, struggles with opening up when he is struggling and it has led to a lot of confusion and hurt within our relationship. One thing I can say is that it might help to talk to your girlfriend and let her know that you care and want her to talk to you. I think, sometimes, it can help people to know that someone is there even if it's hard for them to open up.

There could be a number of reasons as to why your girlfriend is having difficulty with opening up. It might help if the two of you worked on figuring out why she struggles with this. I know that figuring out the reasons behind my boyfriend's difficulty with communication has helped a bit.

One other thing you might be able to do is let your girlfriend know that if she doesn't want to talk to you than maybe she could look into talking to a therapist or someone like that. I know that a lot of people struggle with confiding in their partners because they don't want to burden them. If your girlfriend is struggling with that, it might help her to consider going to a counselor.

Best regards.


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Re: Worried - January 14th 2018, 01:11 AM

Yeah she refuses to talk to therapists or anything like that. I've tried talking to her about why she won't talk to me, she just says she can't. Gets defensive when I ask why she can't. I'm the one person who she trusts to talk to. And it's stressful


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Re: Worried - January 16th 2018, 10:34 PM

Unfortunately there's really nothing you can do in this situation. Your girlfriend had made her position clear that she doesn't want to talk to you, and you obviously can't make her talk. I would suggest simply saying to your girlfriend that you care for and want to understand her and hope she will let you in, but, if she doesn't want to, you respect her decision and you're here for her when she's ready to talk. However, ONLY do that if you are actually willing to let go and let her have her space, instead of secretly running in your mind what must be going on. It's important to be truthful both with her and yourself on that point.

Ultimately she'll either come to you or she won't. Perhaps the lack of pressure to talk might make her eventually more open to talking, perhaps not. At that point you get to decide what you want to do. Can you stay in a relationship where there's a communication block, or is it necessary for you to talk openly and honestly about everything? The choice is up to you.

If it's not something you can handle, it's important that you don't make ultimatums, i.e. "talk to me or else I will leave you." Speak from a standpoint that reflects your thoughts and feelings and doesn't make it about what she is or isn't doing. "I" statements are important and lead to less communication breakdown.

Good luck and PM me if you need anything else.


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