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Ikigai Offline
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Problems with understanding what people mean? - July 23rd 2018, 01:12 PM

Dear TeenHelpers,
some time ago I realised I couldn't really tell whether people liked me or not (I had a few situations in which my close friends told me it was obvious someone liked me/didn't like me while I didn't know and it wasn't obvious to me at all). When it comes to romantic feelings it gets even more tangled up, it seems I just can't read signs and I never think someone might be interested in me in this way unless he clearly states that.

Recently I've been taking a stroll in the city and a guy approached me to ask for directions. We were both tourists there but I happened to know the way, so we walked together for some time. In turn yesterday I was on the beach and a (different, of course) guy came up to ask me who it was on my T-shirt.

During both situations no thought about any kind of 'flirt' crossed my mind, but later my aunt who's simultaneously my friend laughed at me warm-heartedly and she acted as if she was absoutely convinced they were trying to chat me up. What confuses me is that from my perspective the first guy was, well, asking for directions and the second was curious whom I had on my T-shirt.

Now I'm even more confused because I don't know if people are just making fun of me joking about some guys flirting with me or if there's something wrong with me. It's similar all the time, though, not only in the situations I've described: I've got lots of male friends with whom I spend time and I'm sometimes later told that I should've done something because they liked me etc. Seems I somehow keep them at a distance unaware and unwillingly... Let alone any physical contact, the sole thought of which is distressing for me.

I have no idea if there's something wrong with me, but apparently there is. Have I got a problem with reading people's body language or expressions or some signs? It's way more upsetting and frustrating because my problem is just not tangible and very difficult to describe.

If you've got any ideas, I'd be grateful. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day.

Nada es verdad, todo está permitido
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Latte Offline
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Re: Problems with understanding what people mean? - July 23rd 2018, 09:36 PM

It's weird that people are telling you that you should've done something with some guy. It literally doesn't matter if he liked you or put efforts into hints that he liked you. You don't have to/shouldn't be expected to give someone a shot if you have no interest in them.

That said, sometimes it's not very obvious if some guys are flirting. It's not like they're all obvious with lines like "did it hurt when you feel from heaven cause you're an angel" (barf!). Tbh, I don't think my fiance and I ever flirted in the really obvious way; we talked, got to know each other, fell in love, the end. If I didn't reciprocate those feelings or if we weren't going on dates, there would've been no way for me to know for sure he was into me. Not to mention that some people are naturally flirtatious and they might compliment a waitress and smile/wink at her, or they might be creepier and blatantly eyeball you, or whatever else, but sometimes it's more subtle, like a "friend" always going out of their way to help you might be them hinting at their romantic feelings... or they might just be a very helpful and giving person.

I also don't think it's super obvious that someone would use asking you for directions as a way to pick you up (maaaaaybe?), and even in that were the case, the onus isn't on you to do anything about it. Maybe that guy was sort of flirting once you got to talking. Maybe the other guy was using your shirt as an excuse to flirt... but it's not up to you to know that they have ulterior motives cause it could go either way, and if they did want something, they needed to ask ("hey, can we meet up later for coffee?" for example)

If you aren't sure how to tell someone is interested in you or flirting, I am sure you could google it, there's probabably looooooads of lists of online.

Also, try not to take it to personally if people tease you about it. I am sure they mean no harm, they might just think it is an endearing/cute-haha that you didn't notice someone was flirting
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DeirdrePower Offline
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Re: Problems with understanding what people mean? - August 13th 2018, 09:06 AM

If you have a problem with communication with other people. You must stop being shy. Therefore, become more relaxed and don't be shy of your emotions.
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