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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Doglover2 Offline
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Exclamation What does an abusive relationship look like? - September 2nd 2018, 06:54 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I wasn't sure weither to put it in abuse or relationships, since it follows both...

An Abusive Relationship isn't always hitting and can be hard to see when you are in a relationship. One of my favorite youtubers is posting a video on her abusive boyfriend and I thought, maybe I should list some signs of an Abuse relationship.

!. When he/she is disconnecting you from your friends. I've seen this a lot and it's extremly glorified when girls do it. Let's say you're a boy with a girlfriend. Your Girlfriend sees you texting a girl you've been friends with since forever and you two have no interest in a relationship ever. Maybe she's even a lesbian. But you're girlfriend, tells you to end the friendship with the girl, just in case she wants to suddenly make out with you. This is not okay. Not okay for girls to do this to their SO or for boys to do it for their SO.

2. When he/she threatens to kill themself after you
A. argue/disagree/fight (which disagreement is common for ALL relationships and often couples agrueing. Just remember it's not you vs. them. it Both of you vs. the problem)
B. said something you didn't mean
c. No other reasons need to be given. Threating suicide is a sign of abuse and manulation.
D. its also common if you say you're leaving the relationship

3.They speak for you OR you need to have them grant you permission on something. Let's say you want to go with a circle of friends to the movies. Your SO isn't invited because Girls Night Out or something? But they tell you not to go for a stupid reason even though this was planned for months and is the first time in forever you can see them but your SO wants you home to watch a movie with them instead because "I need you" or "I can't live without you"

4. They make jokes that put you down. An ex did this once. He patted my belly and asked me since when was I pregenet? I was pretty self conscience about my weight at the time.

5. They buy you expensive things and then use it against you if you mention taking a break from the relationship.

6. Overprotective of you and often hover over everything you did. When I was 14, I dated an 18 year old (Don't ever do that. If you're under 18 and an 18 year old tries to date you RUN) who hovered over every little thing I did. Like I would be watching SMOSH and he'd sit behind me and stare. He wasn't watching the video, because I had my earbuds in and everytime I laughed, he laughed. If I was drawing he'd watch me draw. If his friend talked to me, the guy would make sure I was "protected."

7. They push into things you aren't comfrontable with. The 18 year old did this too. I was filled with anxiety and didn't want to be touched because I barely knew him at the time, and he was demanding that I should hold his hand and I didn't want to. Even if it's a little thing like that, it's not okay.

8. They guilt trip you. There's no story for this one, but look out for this.

9. Constant texting or calling when they know you can't reply and get upset.

10. Telling you what you should do. This youtuber had a boyfriend who did this, telling her she should cut her hair because he'd like it better. No one should have control over you expect you.

11. Constantly asking to start over once you notice they're hurting you. Yet, they keep the bahavior up.

12. Always talking about exes. This one needs a bit of an example. My ex would talk about his exes. For example "This ex was one of the best girlfriends" "this ex still loves me" "this ex was a great kisser". If an ex is his friend, you may not need to worry. But if they refer to them as ex boy/girlfriend instead of friend, then worry!

Okay so there's more, I'll paste a few links for you guys.

https://www.yourtango.com/experts/we...-abuser-expert

https://www.buzzfeed.com/florapaul/s...PNM#.vg7wpzDPA

http://www.newhopeforwomen.org/abuser-tricks

Boys, girls, nonbinary, all of you PLEASE KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THESE SIGNS!!!!



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Re: What does an abusive relationship look like? - September 2nd 2018, 10:02 PM

Sometimes abuse doesn't look like abuse.

Examples:

1) If your partner does something wrong / that upsets you, they some how turn it around on you so that you did something wrong / feel guilty about it. So let's say you see a message on their phone that is bad, like a girl is flirting with them and they were flirting back, and you are hurt by it, then your the "bad guy" for having looked at the phone

2) Being sketchy about phones - if (s)he insists on being allowed to look through your phone, or if they are unreasonably guarded about their phone. For example, my partner and I do not snoop through each others phones, but it isn't a big deal, if my phone dies and I need to use his to Google something.

3) Lying. Need I say more?

4) Trying to control who you spend time with

5) Being possessive; examples include if he's getting mad cause you didn't text him back quick enough and spamming your phone, if he's demanding to know who you're with at all times, if he expects to know who you're texting (see the phone thing), etc.

6) Coercive sex; you can say no to sex in a relationship, no means no at all times, and if he makes you feel bad about that and pressures you to change your mind, then he's a dick!

The list runs on.
   
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Re: What does an abusive relationship look like? - September 3rd 2018, 07:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte View Post
Sometimes abuse doesn't look like abuse.

Examples:

1) If your partner does something wrong / that upsets you, they some how turn it around on you so that you did something wrong / feel guilty about it. So let's say you see a message on their phone that is bad, like a girl is flirting with them and they were flirting back, and you are hurt by it, then your the "bad guy" for having looked at the phone

2) Being sketchy about phones - if (s)he insists on being allowed to look through your phone, or if they are unreasonably guarded about their phone. For example, my partner and I do not snoop through each others phones, but it isn't a big deal, if my phone dies and I need to use his to Google something.

3) Lying. Need I say more?

4) Trying to control who you spend time with

5) Being possessive; examples include if he's getting mad cause you didn't text him back quick enough and spamming your phone, if he's demanding to know who you're with at all times, if he expects to know who you're texting (see the phone thing), etc.

6) Coercive sex; you can say no to sex in a relationship, no means no at all times, and if he makes you feel bad about that and pressures you to change your mind, then he's a dick!

The list runs on.
Pretty much. Abuse is hard to spot and the victums are convinced thats how things work, especially in first relationships. But no matter the number youve been in, abuse is hidden and you need to be aware.



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Latte Offline
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Re: What does an abusive relationship look like? - September 4th 2018, 12:24 AM

Totally agree, so many people don't understand the subtle signs of abuse; kind of makes me feel sa that so many people think that "low level" abusive behaviours are normal or acceptable.
   
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