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Unhappy I'm heartbroken... again. (sorry this has a long backstory) - June 12th 2020, 08:09 AM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I'm very confused and sad and embarrassed, and relieved? I am having a massive mix of feelings right now, and it's really weird to me. Last year I was in the seventh grade. I figured out I was lesbian, and I just happened to have a massive crush on a girl, who just happened to be one of my best friend's little sister. Remember I was in the seventh grade. His little sister was in the fricking FOURTH GRADE. I had NO idea what to do. So, I vented to one of my other best friend's little sister, who was my crush's best friend. She told my crush. Yeah that sucked. So my crush decided she would lie and text me that she had to tell me something. She told me she had a crush on me. I was ecstatic and probably the happiest I had been in a long time (not that I wasn't happy before that). She continued that charade for a whole two months to make me happy before she realized she had to tell me the truth. When she told me she had lied, I went home alone that day balling my eyes out just thinking, "WHY?!". But I forgave her. She told me she started having a lot of the panic attacks because of the stress and she didn't want to break my heart. After a couple months, we slowly got to normal again, actually closer. But we didn't speak of that again. Until yesterday. I'm going into 9th and she is going into 6th. We were getting closer and wanted to get deep. I asked if anyone in our friend group had any questions to make a deep icebreaker for conversation. My crush said, "Maybe." We all knew she had a question, but didn't want to ask it. After 30 minutes of convincing, we both asked each other, "Do you like me?" We both answered I don't know. Then I asked what she was leaning towards, yes or no. She said she didn't know and I said yes. That was embarrassing. Today she said she wanted to tell me something. This is when it started to really suck. She told me, I didn't want to hurt your feelings yesterday. But, I'm sorry I don't have any of those feelings for you. I acted like I didn't care at the time, but in my head I was falling to the floor and crying. I expected to get home and let it out, but I still haven't gotten the chance. In quarantine, my family is always around. Now tonight is where it really sucks the worst. Now that I have been thinking about it more often, I realized how much I fantasize about her. I realized that I have a big crush on her and I am officially heart-broken. The worst part is that I have to pretend that I'm not, because she is already defeated inside about the last time she did that to me. I'm confused: I don't know what to do. I'm sad: because I'm heart-broken. I'm embarrassed about confronting her. But I am the slightest bit relieved that I told her a bit of my feelings. But now I feel fricking heart-broken. I don't think I love her, but I'm falling for her. I hate that and love how it feels <3. But now I have no fricking idea where my emotions are going and what the frick to do????[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]
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Re: I'm heartbroken... again. (sorry this has a long backstory) - June 14th 2020, 04:19 AM

Hi there!

Thank you so much for sharing your story here on TeenHelp. I'll try my best to help.

Firstly, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this emotional roller-coster. I know how much it sucks to go through a rejection, having been through an awful one myself. But I want to assure you that this happens to all of us at some point or the other. Also, both you and your crush are very young. Especially your crush, she's in 6th grade, so she might be really confused about everything - from liking someone, to being in a relationship, to even her sexual identity. Give her some time, and don't take what she said to heart, though I know it's easier said than done.

From her previous behaviour, it unfortunately appears that she doesn't feel the same way about you, at least at the moment. She might change her mind as she grows up, or at least she might warm up to you again in the future. It might be better to not approach her or confront her for a while - it'll do both of you good. In the meantime, let me give you some advice on how to deal with rejection. In the spur of the moment, you'll feel like constantly texting her or approaching her again, but that might have its own repercussions - she might end up just distancing herself more. I've learnt this the hard way.

Rejection occurs in stages - first you'll be in denial of whatever happened. Then you'll be upset with the person. Then you'll feel really embarrassed and sorry for yourself. And finally, you'll feel like moving on. It's a very painful process, but the last stage is incredibly liberating, trust me. Ironically, you will be able to cope with rejection better when you accept that you have been rejected. So cry an ocean, scream if you prefer, go for a long run, anything to vent it all out. You can even PM me if you want to vent! Tell yourself that you'll cry an ocean today, but you'll start smiling tomorrow. Try channelling your focus on something that you enjoy or could rather spend your energy on - your studies, a summer job, or a hobby.

I was rejected twice by my crush of 2.5 years - the first time he clearly told me he doesn't feel the same way. I was in denial and didn't let that stop me. After a year I sent him a letter saying my feelings for him haven't changed. I haven't heard from him since. It took me a long time to accept it, but I've finally realised that I'm just another girl in his eyes though he means the world to me. So I know how awful it feels to be rejected, but accepting the truth is truly refreshing. Love is always about putting that person first. So, if we really love them, we need to appreciate that they too have their opinions which need to be respected. If we really love them, we have to let them go sometimes.

What matters is that you've told her how you feel. And that will stay with her

Take care!
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