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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Exclamation Should i let my boyfriend have a girl best friend? - August 26th 2020, 01:11 AM

Should i let him have one because i don lay an eye or talk to another dude unless they are asking me about school work, He said he chills with her a lot. should i be worried, should i just forget it im so confused! please help
                   
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Re: Should i let my boyfriend have a girl best friend? - August 26th 2020, 10:54 AM

Hello Maddie,

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon.

When we are dating someone, we like them and they like us back and that is something great to have. If we are girls and we are dating a guy, it is totally fine for them to be friends with another girl. The same thing goes for the other way around. I know that when we are dating someone and we see them with another girl or boy sometimes we can get very jealous, because we are thinking of so many things and that will make us upset too. As long as your boyfriend is not rubbing her back or arms or all over her or flirting with her, then it is alright. Also it is okay for friends to give each other a fast hug. When you do see that, you can get upset. But a lot of guy and girls who are friends do that when they haven't see each other in a long time, it is just a friendly hug. I know that it is hard to look at, just be yourself because your boyfriend likes you for you. You are a lovely girl inside and out.

When you see your boyfriend with the other girl you can ask if you all can hang out and do something together. This way you can get to know her and see what kind of person she is. Also you do not need to change yourself when you see her, you are already great. If you want to try, when it is just you and your boyfriend then you can ask him how does he think it is going with you both dating and see what he says back and if he asks you about it, you can say that it is going well or you like how you spend your time together. I wish you the best with this and hope that you will be okay soon. Hugs to help.


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Re: Should i let my boyfriend have a girl best friend? - August 26th 2020, 12:37 PM

It depnds on their relationships in my opinion. There was a time when I had a company from boys and girls, but then the only person wished me something good and was always there for me is my best friend. It's really difficult to understand that you only one real friend. And when he started dating with girlfriend, we were chatting for some time. I made her understand that I don't feel nothing to him, only the support. If you have similar situation you have nothing to worry about really.
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Re: Should i let my boyfriend have a girl best friend? - August 26th 2020, 09:50 PM

Honestly, you can't "let" your boyfriend have anything, when all is said and done. The notion of needing permission for something from your partner denotes a sense of possession and control and that is not healthy in relationships of any kind. Your boyfriend is his own person. He can choose who he spends time with. In the end, people make their own choices, and we decide whether those choices are acceptable to us and adjust our responses accordingly.

I understand why you'd be hesitant, especially because you are so reticent around guys. But did your boyfriend ask you to do that, or is this just something you've done yourself? If your boyfriend asked you to do that that's really controlling and unhealthy behavior. But if it's just something you started doing on your own it's unfair to expect your boyfriend to do the same unless you've talked about it.

In the end, it's okay to have friends of the opposite sex. Media makes it a myth that your partner will automatically cheat on you. I would give him the benefit of the doubt, and maybe talk to him about your concerns.
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Re: Should i let my boyfriend have a girl best friend? - August 27th 2020, 05:53 AM

Hi Maddie,

Thanks for reaching out.

I completely agree with the above users that when we're in a relationship, it's unhealthy to expect certain things of our partners. Who your boyfriend interacts with is in his own hands. I understand that at your age, it would be normal to feel possessive, but do remember that being in a relationship doesn't mean that one needs to cut off interaction with their regular circle of friends (including friends of the opposite gender).

At the base of everything, relationships are to be built on trust. If you're having this concern about what will happen if your boyfriend is chilling with his female best friend, it seems to me that you don't fully trust his commitment for you. While I don't negate the fact that boys could cheat and that blind trust is also dangerous, we do need to have some degree of trust in our relationships, so that they'll be healthy relationships rather than obsessions. Also, think of it this way - I think it's nice that he openly shared with you that he chills with his female friend. If he was indeed cheating on you, his conscience wouldn't have allowed him to share that openly. The fact that he's being honest about his interactions probably means that he has nothing to hide, as far as cheating on you is concerned.

It's nice that you keep up a standard for yourself whereby you don't talk to other boys unnecessarily now that you're dating a guy. But it wouldn't be right to expect the same from another person. We as social creatures rely on healthy interactions from all kinds of people - from parents, teachers, friends (both girls & boys), romantic partners, etc. - so that our social circle is wholesome.

Hence, I don't think you have to worry too much about him spending time with his female friend. However, if you suspect that he's spending way too much time with her, more than he's spending with you, you have every reason to bring up the matter to him. Otherwise, you can let it be; bringing up the topic without reason might make you seem very possessive and restrictive, which could turn him off.

You can do little things to show that you trust him, for example, when you're on a date, you can say things like "I feel safe when I'm with you," or display small acts of care. These will automatically make him realise that you truly care for him and propel him to remain committed to you.

Take care!
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Re: Should i let my boyfriend have a girl best friend? - August 28th 2020, 12:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Golfing girl View Post
Hello Maddie,

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon.

When we are dating someone, we like them and they like us back and that is something great to have. If we are girls and we are dating a guy, it is totally fine for them to be friends with another girl. The same thing goes for the other way around. I know that when we are dating someone and we see them with another girl or boy sometimes we can get very jealous, because we are thinking of so many things and that will make us upset too. As long as your boyfriend is not rubbing her back or arms or all over her or flirting with her, then it is alright. Also it is okay for friends to give each other a fast hug. When you do see that, you can get upset. But a lot of guy and girls who are friends do that when they haven't see each other in a long time, it is just a friendly hug. I know that it is hard to look at, just be yourself because your boyfriend likes you for you. You are a lovely girl inside and out.

When you see your boyfriend with the other girl you can ask if you all can hang out and do something together. This way you can get to know her and see what kind of person she is. Also you do not need to change yourself when you see her, you are already great. If you want to try, when it is just you and your boyfriend then you can ask him how does he think it is going with you both dating and see what he says back and if he asks you about it, you can say that it is going well or you like how you spend your time together. I wish you the best with this and hope that you will be okay soon. Hugs to help.

no he doesnt often talk about her when hes with me , hes barley on his phone when hes around so i know when hes busy otp with his buddies or his dad. i trust him but you know ive been hurt in the past and im taking my time and im slowly going from the bottom to the top but we are doing fine he makes me so happy and one girl that i knew and he didnt said she was gonna take him. I told him bc i was upset andi was thinking maybe what if that did happen like what if a girl takes him but he took my hand and looked me in the eyes and im never gonna leave you and thats a promise. sorry for bad spalling i sprained my thumb in volleyball haha
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Re: Should i let my boyfriend have a girl best friend? - August 28th 2020, 12:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen View Post
Honestly, you can't "let" your boyfriend have anything, when all is said and done. The notion of needing permission for something from your partner denotes a sense of possession and control and that is not healthy in relationships of any kind. Your boyfriend is his own person. He can choose who he spends time with. In the end, people make their own choices, and we decide whether those choices are acceptable to us and adjust our responses accordingly.

I understand why you'd be hesitant, especially because you are so reticent around guys. But did your boyfriend ask you to do that, or is this just something you've done yourself? If your boyfriend asked you to do that that's really controlling and unhealthy behavior. But if it's just something you started doing on your own it's unfair to expect your boyfriend to do the same unless you've talked about it.

In the end, it's okay to have friends of the opposite sex. Media makes it a myth that your partner will automatically cheat on you. I would give him the benefit of the doubt, and maybe talk to him about your concerns.


I know i know ive been trying to work on myself and i trus him but ive had ex keep me a secret from their bsf but im slowly trying to be better i got a good job going , im playing volleyball and he is basiclly my tutor and hes amazing i completly trust him but i know im prob over reacting/ sorry bad grammer sprained thumb
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Re: Should i let my boyfriend have a girl best friend? - August 28th 2020, 02:28 AM

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Originally Posted by ayyyitsmaddie15 View Post
I know i know ive been trying to work on myself and i trus him but ive had ex keep me a secret from their bsf but im slowly trying to be better i got a good job going , im playing volleyball and he is basiclly my tutor and hes amazing i completly trust him but i know im prob over reacting/ sorry bad grammer sprained thumb
Hey, there's no need to beat yourself up. All you can do is your best. Relationships take a learning curve so try not to be so hard on yourself. Just remember that communication is the key to most everything.
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Re: Should i let my boyfriend have a girl best friend? - August 28th 2020, 02:22 PM

I think that it is amazing how you are both together and you have a lovely relationship. When he is with you and not on his phone a lot, that's great because it means he is with you and that is something wonderful to have. I wish you the best


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