TeenHelp - Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Girlfriend with Issues

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Girlfriend with Issues

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I'm currently in a relationship with another girl, and we're both open about being lesbian. However, my girlfriend has one major issue that has been bothering me. She is a big misandrist and completely hates men. She does not openly express it, but when we're alone and private, she does not shut up or talk about how she hates men, and wishes them gone, how world would be better with only women, etc.

I mean, when she's not in the mood and is only with other women, she's great to hang out. Has not done anything wrong to me, and is fairly pleasant to be around if you're a woman. However, I find myself getting a little frustrated and even disturbed by just how much she hates men. I've tried asking her about it, and it had something to do when she was younger, but she refuses to bring it up. I've suggested maybe she talk to a psychologist or expert, but she gets all defensive about it, and goes on how all her anger and hatred is justified, and that there is no need for her to see one.

As I mentioned, I do like her and she isn't abusive to me at all. However, it can be mentally stressing and disturbing to hear her talk about this. What do I do?[/size][/color][/font]

Re: Girlfriend with Issues

Hey,

I’m moving this to relationships and dating where I think you will get better advice.

Honestly this seems like an important issue that can make or break this relationship. This has to do with your values and what you believe in, and whether you’re willing to compromise on those values for the relationship. In this case the values have to do with your own personal feelings towards men and equality. I think the first step is determining whether this is a deal breaker for you or not. You’re right that it can be mentally draining when someone talks about hating men all the time. Even though she’s not abusive towards you and is pleasant when around other women, I think it’s important to determine whether or not you’re comfortable being in a relationship where someone hates the entire opposite sex, which seems to go against your values.

It sounds like you’ve talked to her about this already and she gets defensive. Unfortunately she won’t change her views until she’s ready to. You can talk to her and let her know that you are uncomfortable with her telling you about her hatred of men because you don’t find it to be right (or whatever other reasons) and let her know that you would prefer she didn’t talk about this subject with you. Even if it does have to do with her past, it’s a red flag to me. If you do talk to her, use “I statements” like “I feel ___ because ___” instead of “you statements” because I statements are less likely to make the other person defensive. She may be upset if you ask her not to talk about this, but your comfort is important too. You don’t deserve to be mentally drained all the time.

So my advice is to consider whether or not this relationship is worth continuing when she doesn’t seem willing to change her views at this time. If talking to her doesn’t go as planned, you may have an answer.

Best of luck,
Dez

Re: Girlfriend with Issues

Surely happened something bad to her, involving a man.
For now, I can't suggest you something to do. Nothing will change if she won't accept it. She must see a psychologist for sure. At the end she will only hurt herself and also your psyche will get worse.