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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Khadra Offline
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Guys having trouble getting a girl - this might help - January 17th 2009, 12:04 AM

I didn't write this, but I definately think this is worth reading. It's quite accurate in my opinion.


MISTAKE #1: Being
Too Much Of A "Nice Guy"
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"… but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple…
Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT… but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To
"Convince Her To Like You"
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like… but she's just notinterested?
Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you… YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her
For Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them… EVER.
Don't get me wrong here.
You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her…
MISTAKE #4: Trying To "Buy" Her
Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It's only NATURAL when this happens…
That's right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing
"How You Feel" Too Early In
The Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast… and can't control themselves.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way…
MISTAKE #6: Not "Getting" How
Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men… and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how…
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It
Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started… because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money… or guys who are a certain height… or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet…
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away
All Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea…
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over… Women aren't attracted to Wussies!
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing
EXACTLY What To Do In Each
Type Of Situation With Women
Now I'm going to blow your mind…
A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating…
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical… everything.
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up… and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman… from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women…
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night… right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling… like I don't know how to meet women… and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
I've written a book on the topic, and I've done seminars on both coasts of the United States… and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world.

http://www.datingadvicesecrets.com/men/ten-mistakes-men-make-1/


It's not socialism. It's CIVILIZATION.
- a woman from Denmark (the happiest country on Earth)


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Last edited by Khadra; January 17th 2009 at 02:45 PM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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January 17th 2009, 01:46 AM

And while you're at it, you can make sure to be absolutely perfect as well. After all, you exist to serve her, and it is your responsibility to condition yourself to pursue her in a way that she will like and which will require little to no effort on her part.

Minus my sarcasm, I do not like what this article implies. I have read it before on some website a long time ago. Take mistake #9 for example: it is saying a guy should know what to do in every situation, that a guy should lead and know how to lead no matter what. This is a cultural assumption, and it ignores the fact that men do not need to dominate in relationships all the time.

I find it very sexist when people promote this idea that women can't choose for themselves and need men to choose for them. That is essentially what the article is implying. There is no doubt that dominance works in getting relationships. I'm saying that it is not absolute and that it should not be taken as absolute. Some people would rather have non-traditional relationships, and some women, attractive women, would rather be with men who are interested in them for more than their bodies and who treat them as such.




Last edited by Jack; January 17th 2009 at 01:59 AM. Reason: Posts merged
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Khadra Offline
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 02:55 AM

^ I never claimed it was the be-all and end-all of dating. I just think it makes good points to take into consideration. There seem to be a lot of posts and discussions about "nice guys" and such on here, and I thought this might be able to help some. I agree number 9 is kinda off. I think if a guy just acts like he knows what he's doing that works just as well. Not that I think a guy always needs to dominate. There a good number of guys that don't like it when a woman pursues them though. So what else are women supposed to do?


It's not socialism. It's CIVILIZATION.
- a woman from Denmark (the happiest country on Earth)


Once you choose hope, anything is possible - Christopher Reeves

Drop a pm in my box if you ever need anything. I'll always do my best to help! <3
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 03:10 AM

I really don't think this is completely accurate because different people find different traits attractive.
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 03:34 AM

This is like the 4th or 5th thread within a week about nice guys and how they suck and how to 'fix' them.

Getting a tad repetitive and annoying. Not to mention, nice guys and guys like the ones mentioned above are always going to be different. Trying to fix either one is redundant and useless. They are different, and want different things. Some are asses, some are wimps. They BOTH suck. The end.

I'm a wimp, by the way.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Khadra Offline
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 04:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toast View Post
I really don't think this is completely accurate because different people find different traits attractive.
Of course. It's not meant to be completely accurate. It's just a general guide of common mistakes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NuHalo View Post
This is like the 4th or 5th thread within a week about nice guys and how they suck and how to 'fix' them.

Getting a tad repetitive and annoying. Not to mention, nice guys and guys like the ones mentioned above are always going to be different. Trying to fix either one is redundant and useless. They are different, and want different things. Some are asses, some are wimps. They BOTH suck. The end.

I'm a wimp, by the way.
Aw this isn't meant to say anybody sucks! It's meant to help people see where they are going wrong so they don't have to be single forever.

I didn't mean to be repetitive. I thought perhaps this could help, but since there were multiple threads on the issue I didn't want to post it in every single one so I thought I'd make a new one. Bad idea perhaps. (If a mod wants to close this or trash it I won't object)

What makes you think you're a wimp?


It's not socialism. It's CIVILIZATION.
- a woman from Denmark (the happiest country on Earth)


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Drop a pm in my box if you ever need anything. I'll always do my best to help! <3
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 04:59 AM

it's an interesting article but in my opinion i don't agree with it all.

but some things, i do agree with...
not ALL guys that are good looking are jerks. i once was seeing a guy, he was very attractive but he was way too nice and even told me he loved me in the first week!!! and that really put me off. so yh i agree with some things.

but also, it's not ALWAYS the guys fault. sometimes girls can be too stubborn enough to see how amazing a guy actualy is.guys and girls can't be perfect. or mabye sometimes we look in the wrong places for love.

anyways thats just my opinion.
xx
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 05:40 AM

This isnt a 'general guide' at all. How about telling us how to go about a situation, rather than telling us what we already know

and everybodys different, so infact this 'guide' wont apply to everybody.
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 09:40 AM

To be completely honest, this article was more annoying than anything else. Here's why:

1)It implies that everything regarding relationships is about the guy chasing the girl. I am sure that you girls are aware that girls see guys they like, and try to make a "move" on them all the time.
2)It says girls are not attracted by looks, period, end of story. Have you ever heard girls say to one another, "He's hot, I'm gonna go talk to him"? I have, and I think thats proof that girls are attracted to looks as well. Maybe not to the same extent, girls usually do need more than just looks to like a guy, but they still do. Also, whoever said that guys like girls only based on looks?
3)Have you ever realized that often there are guys that don't like the MOST ATTRACTIVE GIRL IN TOWN? Have you ever heard of the ones that would prefer the shy, cute girl? If not, then HERE I AM.
4)Half the fun in the Dating Game is not knowing what EXACTLY to do next. Actually, it is probably better to be spontaneous at times than to have a detailed plan of the relationship's future. And if you don't know what to do next, SO WHAT? You try something and if that doesn't work you try something else. Most women will excuse the occasional mistake. They may even think that the guy with no idea what to do but just tries anyway is cuter/better than the one that has a specific plan and goes perfectly by the books.


PM me if you ever need anything. I am always around and wanting to help.
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 10:01 AM

hm.. I think I'm a nice guy. I don't just act nice in an attempt to get in bed with girls. This guide seems to be made assuming that the guy is after sex. What if say, the guy is after one girl, a real relationship. Not the bed. Then I should think he should act like whoever he is, rather than putting up a facade. I'm a nice guy. I'm not going to go around trying to balance out being a slight jerk, being overconfident, or any other stuff that isn't me. I'm out for someone that will like me for me, so none of this stuff truly applies to me!

Down with the game and it's players!!!! lol
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 10:11 AM

Hey. For what it's worth, I happen to like a nice guy who makes these "mistakes"... and I don't want him to change!

A guy doesn't have to be perfect!! A nice guy doesn't have to change who he is... if he finds the right girl, or the right girl finds him, they'll accept each other and like each other the way that they are.
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 17th 2009, 02:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khadra View Post
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It
Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started… because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money… or guys who are a certain height… or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet…
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.



Most important piece of advice in the list.

So you don't need money or looks if you've ended up with certain personality traits. The implication, of course, is that you can still be utterly screwed (figuratively, not literally) if you haven't got money, looks, or those personality traits. Given that you can't consciously change your personality, this means that there are many guys who will still have to "settle" for a woman, assuming that there are any women who will settle for them, and they can therefore ignore every other piece of advice in the article. The article by no means applies to all guys having trouble getting the girl, it just broadens the franchise by a small amount (I say a small amount because, at a guess, those personality traits will often be caused by being good-looking or having money).
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 18th 2009, 12:52 AM

I don't agree. I don't consider myself bad looking (not to seem concieded at all because I'm not, but you must admit, you know when you're good looking or not." and I love nice guys. They make you feel good. All a girl really needs is someone to make them feel like they're the greatest. My boyfriend wraps his world around me and is so kind and caring... and I love it.


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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 18th 2009, 01:09 AM

I don't agree with the majority of this article, but the first "mistake" is what bothered me the most. I have yet to meet a girl who is attracted to a guy who is a jerk to her. As far as I'm considered, the nice guy is the only way to go. If the female you're attracted to doesn't like your 'nice guy' personality, she's shallow and you should move on.

My boyfriend currently is the most caring, devoted guy I have yet to meet. He would do anything I'd ask of him, no matter what [though I definitely do not abuse this]. He insists on paying for me whenever we go out, and while I sometimes force paying for him I appreciate the thought of it.

We've shared feelings for each other long before we started dated [though we were friends before], we even went as far as to say 'I love you' before the relationship. Sharing feelings is not a bad thing, if you do it in the right way. Appreciate, don't stalk.


Every time I try to give up, a little voice called hope says "one more try"
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 18th 2009, 09:42 AM

I agree with about one of this mistakes. Haha... but then again maybe I'm not a typical girl?
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 18th 2009, 10:17 AM

Quote:
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?
Implying that women who do like "nice" guys aren't really attractive?

Ouch

The way I see it, the number one effective way to get a girl (or guy) who is right for you is to be yourself. Adjusting or trying to "fix" the way you are will only get you people who are attracted to the "fixed" version of you, not the real one.



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When you whisper, you must be absolutely as sincere as when you scream.
9 out of every 10 problems in relationships can be solved by talking. So why are we so damn quiet?
   
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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 18th 2009, 10:36 AM

#1 is a load of poop. My boyfriend has always been a nice and polite guy and it's what drew me to him in the first place. Also relationships are not one sided. I asked him to prom, he didn't ask me. Girl after guy instead of guy after girl.
#9 is also ridiculous.




#7 is probably the most logical thing on the list. You can woo some girls over with money and looks but not a lot of them.


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Re: All guys having trouble getting a girl READ THIS - January 18th 2009, 03:28 PM

okay, I think that was far too harsh on guys, and treated women as objects rather than people.




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