Putting a "Title" on Things

[ripfire12901]

I have been very close to a particular individual lately. Things have been going smoothly; not a problem in sight. But (there always seems to be one), I am having one difficulty. She doesn't want to put a label on us. We kiss and fool around, things that a couple would do but she continues to deny me the ability to call her my girlfriend (and me her boyfriend). =/ Friends and family around myself and her consider us as couple. Her response when I ask her why we're not "a couple" is the same every time. "It's just a title." She wont go beyond that explanation.

I feel like its more than simply a title. It makes things more understandable, more real. Any ideas on how to change her mind and I'd certainly like to hear an opinion on the matter. Thanks. =)

[Speechless]

Hey, Collin

It might be possible that your friend is afraid of commitment? There is a chance that she might want the benefits and closeness of a relationship without the 'title' so she doesn't feel 'weighed down' as such? I'm sorry if this isn't much of a help but I know (through the experience of others) that there are many people who fear commitment and so they stick to 'open' relationships. In some cases, people stay away from commitment to protect themselves from future hurt. Maybe she just doesn't want to lose you if things don't work out?

If she's happy being this way, I would give her some time and space for now and wait to see how things work out.

Good luck!

[losing touch.]

i agree with Jasper, she sounds like a bit of a commitment phobe. it's pretty normal for people to act like this for a little while - perhaps she's one of those people who doesn't like to make things official until she's completely sure of what she wants. a lot of girls are like this. i used to be like this a lot and it annoyed my ex boyfriend so much. idk.. it just makes things awkward sometimes when you've got the whole bf/gf thing going on. on the flip side.. it's also possible that you're more into this relationship than she is. a lot of girls won't label a relationship because it's not exclusive, so perhaps she's playing the field a bit and she's got this kinda thing going on with other guys to?. talk to her about it so you don't get hurt.

[ripfire12901]

Its quite uncomfortable to think that one could play games and "play-the-field" while being so close to you. But I certainly hope for the afraid of commitment aspects of both of your responses.

Unfortunately, I am pessimistic in the relationship field. So this news is more discerning than I'd of hoped for. But. My next step is to ask her, as you said. I would much rather be told now then hurt later.

Thanks Jasper and Elle. =D

[ripfire12901]

Alrighty, so, I confronted her about it. She is still quite set in her ways on this one. Her excuse is that she wants to keep her privacy private. =/ she doesn't seem to be a commitment phobe or like she is playing the field. This whole privacy "issue" of hers stops us from holding hands in public places. Or even in a movie theater [which baffles and confuses me deeply]. This issue is getting larger in scale. She doesn't want people in school knowing about her private business.

I can respect that belief but I cant comprehend why she cares so much. If she cares about me she can hold my hand. She can accept the title. I find it all quite saddening. It's like she is embarrassed by me.

[losing touch.]

Originally Posted by ripfire12901

Alrighty, so, I confronted her about it. She is still quite set in her ways on this one. Her excuse is that she wants to keep her privacy private. =/ she doesn't seem to be a commitment phobe or like she is playing the field. This whole privacy "issue" of hers stops us from holding hands in public places. Or even in a movie theater [which baffles and confuses me deeply]. This issue is getting larger in scale. She doesn't want people in school knowing about her private business.

I can respect that belief but I cant comprehend why she cares so much. If she cares about me she can hold my hand. She can accept the title. I find it all quite saddening. It's like she is embarrassed by me.

i don't want to sound harsh here, so i hope it doesn't across that way.

but it sounds like it is one of a few reasons why she i acting like this..
1) she is seeing another guy and therefore obviously doesn't want anyone to know that she's also getting with you.
2) she is embarrassed by you and doesn't want her friends to know she is with you.
3) she is genuinely just a very 'private' person and doesn't want anyone knowing anything about her and her life.. [i find this one difficult to comprehend though, to be honest.]

i don't see why you would date someone and not want anyone to know about it. surely you like the person you are dating a lot and should be happy for others to know that you are dating them? - i'm not saying shout it from the rooftops, but she seems a little sneaky about this whole situation, not wanting anyone to know.

[ripfire12901]

I'm happy to see that you feel the same way I feel about her reasoning. It's simply too outlandish.

You're first and second reasoning are possible but equally frightening. I'd rather not fathom the idea that she would do such a thing but I need to find out. In no way am looking to brag or tell everyone about "us", I'm just want us to be close at all times. (holding my hand in public, etc.)

I suppose it is time to once again confront her. =/

And don't worry about coming across harsh, you're merely trying to help me. Thank you Elle. =)

[ripfire12901]

I feel like she may understand what I am saying now. Thank you Elle and Jasper. You've been great support. =)

[losing touch.]

Originally Posted by ripfire12901

I feel like she may understand what I am saying now. Thank you Elle and Jasper. You've been great support. =)

good, i hope it works out for you!. :]