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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Exodus- Offline
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BDSM Lifestyle - January 10th 2010, 01:03 AM

A BDSM lifestyle is about wholehearted sexually exclusive marriages in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from BDSM couple to BDSM couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a BDSM wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.

I was wondering what other people's opinions on this would be, or if they were into this too. Feel free to add to my explanation of a BDSM Lifestyle, and a resource that would be good to check out would be takeninhand.com for more information if you're really interested.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: BDSM Lifestyle - January 10th 2010, 02:17 AM

Well to be honest I like the idea, I love when a man takes control in alot of ways. However I think (for me) a marrige would be better if each person had equal control. Sometimes women need to be in control of situations and other time men need to be. I'm interested by this idea and would like to see how the others respond.


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Re: BDSM Lifestyle - January 10th 2010, 01:06 PM

Without being sexist.. I don't think this is a hugely appealing idea, simply because of the general order of things. I mean, I suppose this is a little less equal than normal but though I'm sure I'd love control (:P) it's not something I'd want to name differently or whatever..


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Re: BDSM Lifestyle - January 10th 2010, 01:27 PM

I'd also like to mention that it's not always the man with the control. Sometimes the woman will be the dominant one.

However, I do like it when the guy takes control sometimes but only in the bedroom. I wouldn't want a whole relationship to be in the man's control.


   
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Re: BDSM Lifestyle - January 10th 2010, 02:15 PM

I like BDSM as a sexual expression, not as a lifestyle. I am waaay too stubborn and independent to do what someone tells me all the time. Occasionally is fine though.


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Re: BDSM Lifestyle - January 10th 2010, 03:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth Cara View Post
I'd also like to mention that it's not always the man with the control. Sometimes the woman will be the dominant one.
Yes, this is a terrible definition. Firstly it's gender exclusive, not sexually exclusive. You can have both male and female doms, and similarly whether the two tie sex into it or not isn't important - either can happen.

Then there's the issue of consent, dominance doesn't come out of some belief that men or women "should" be in control, the relationship is one that satisfies both one partners enjoyment of dominance and the other's submissive tendencies.

Also it doesn't define the term "BDSM" fully. Spelt out, Bondage-Discipline-Submission-SadoMasochism. A BDSM couple can choose to focus on any of the above parts, so ultimately it's up to the individuals to have their own take on what their relationship consists of. Also as Loki. mentioned people assign varied importance to their BDSM identities, some choosing it as their sole identities while others only occasionally taking part in BDSM activities.

Ultimately it's personal choice.
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Re: BDSM Lifestyle - January 11th 2010, 02:45 AM

Generally, I think BDSM and D/s is a wonderful idea. it works perfectly for me. and it doesn't necessarily compromise my values on equality; I treat all women equally and fairly as I would want to be treated, although I think a definite prerequisite for a relationship with me would have to be that the girl is submissive.
I am too dominant of a personality not to have a submissive girlfriend; I like making decisions, doing things for others, taking care of women, etc. so it's a definite necessity of mine.

I also think it can be very romantic, and it's not nearly as sexual with me as it is all encompassing--I think there is nothing more romantic than having a girl trust you enough that she is willing to submit to your decisions and authority, trusting you completely with her happiness and that she'll look up to you to take care of her and her heart. it makes me feel like a real man.

I'm with my current gf and it works very well; I love her and she loves me, and while she doesn't always do what I say, she is always happy to please me, just as I'm always happy to do whats best for her needs and mine. I tend to err on punishments, as I think my dissapproval and dissappointment should be much more of a deterrent than anything physical (which my gf tends to get turned on by, she is a masochist). so if I DO punish, I'll make her do something that she would find boring, nonsexual, and unappealing (lay on the floor for the night, restrict her access to certain websites, etc.)

yet she is really good to me, so all in all, I think it's wonderful. and I know she wouldn't have it any other way. and neither would I
   
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Re: BDSM Lifestyle - January 11th 2010, 06:37 PM

I honestly find little to no appeal in the idea of being dominant, and not a whole lot more in being submissive. In a relationship I'd much prefer to have things equal, make decisions together, talk about what's best for us, etc. I can't say I've done enough sexually to really know for sure, but the thought of it holds absolutely no appeal, is actually kind of a turn off to me


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Re: BDSM Lifestyle - January 11th 2010, 07:24 PM

If it works for some people that's great, I can see it being enjoyable in sexual roleplay but honestly in my marriage everything is pretty 50/50, I'm very opinionated and enjoy playing a part in the decision making. Even though I totally love being married I need my independance and I need to be able to make choices for myself without my husband hovering over me. I also need to feel that I can take care of my husband as he takes care of me.





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