My girlfriend's parents won't let her have contact with me anymore.

[Shayjaggers]

I'm a recently-turned 18 year old female. My girlfriend (yes, we're lesbians) is almost 15. I realise the age gap, but I truly believe age is just a number and has no effect on your feelings for a person. My grandmother and grandfather, for example, are 10 years apart. It happens all the time.
Anyways, my age is not the reason her mother won't let us see or talk to each other. It's because I'm a girl. She found my girlfriend's diary and read it, finding sexual implications. Yes, we have had sex. But we are in love. I don't think that's wrong. And it's not as if that's all we did when we saw each other. We would cuddle and watch movies. We would talk for hours aobut anything and everything. We encouraged each other to do well in life. Apparently her mother doesn't think thats a good reason to be together. She took away her phone and computer, and has forbid her from having contact with me. Neither of us want our relationship to end, but we really don't know what to do. That's why I'm here.

I'm not looking for criticism or comments about how sex with our age gap is wrong. I realise that some people feel that way. I also realise that her mom is just trying to protect her. She is afriad of my girl becoming a drug addict and messing up her life. But I would never do anything to hurt her. I don't drink or do drugs. I'm working on getting a job and going to college to make something of myself. Her parents know this. I believe we're made for each other, and I love her with all my heart. I can't change the fact that we're both girls and attracted to each other.
What should I do?

(On a side note, it's only her mother that is freaking out. Her father doesn't care that she likes girls or that we're together, but he won't stand up to her mom.)

[PSY]

How long have you two been forbidden to see one another? A few days, weeks, or months? If it's been less than a month, then I'd say to give it more time. Maybe her mom just needs to cool off for a bit... finding out that your daughter is having a sexual relationship with another woman (and one who is an "adult" as well) can come as quite a shock, if you were completely in the dark up until that point.

Have you tried talking to the mother in person? If not, perhaps you could write down a list of things you'd like to bring up, and plan a sit-down with the mother (or both parents). Your girlfriend probably should NOT be present at that meeting... this is an "adult" conversation, your chance to prove that you have the maturity and means to be a good partner to your girlfriend. Try to say what needs to be said, without accusing the mother of being narrow-minded, prejudiced, etc. If the mother wants to talk, then let her talk, and really listen to what she has to say as well. Hopefully, the two (or three, if her father joins the conversation) of you can come to a compromise, regarding this relationship.

[Nicolette]

Her mom had most likely been thrown totally off that 1) her little girl is acting sexually towards another female and 2) that the other girl is deffinately older. This would concern most parents and the easiest way to deal with an issue like this is to break it off and condone your girlfriend from seeing you.

Give it time, and see if there's any break in this... if a month goes by and you're still not allowed to see her then there's a few choices you can make on your part, you can either forget about the relationship for now until everything blows over and she's old enough to make her own choices without having her parents hovering over her. Or... you can approach her mother respectively and explain yourself and the situation.

[Shayjaggers]

Her parents knew that she was attracted to girls beforehand, but never took it seriously until now. Also, they have met me before, thought I was a very nice kid until they found out she and I were together. After that they still let us see each other, just not stay the night together. It was only after finding out we had sex that she forbid her from seeing me. It has only been about a week, so I will give it time I suppose. I've considered writing her mother a letter.
Thank you for you're advice, I appreciate it.

[beautiful.tragedy]

I'm really sorry about this. Like the previous posters, her mother was probably shocked but it's still wrong to keep you from having contact with her. I can see that you're genuine about her and wouldn't do anything to hurt her in any way.

I say give it more time. It's only been a week, even though it probably feels much longer than that. You should write her mother a letter, telling her that you don't do drugs or drink, you're looking for a job and going to college. Explain that you really do love her and wouldn't do anything to hurt her. It's worth trying.

Good luck and if you need to talk, feel free to send me a PM.
x

[Shayjaggers]

I did write her mother a letter. I'm having a friend give it to my (ex)girlfriend tomorrow to give to her. I don't know if she'll do it though, she might think it will just make it worse.
She broke up with me today, telling me she loves me and is always thinking about me, but it's whats best for me. That I need to move on and focus on my life.
I don't want to move on. Not when things are left like this. How can I find someone else when I know that the one I love still loves me too?

[beautiful.tragedy]

*hugs* I don't really know how she can say that not being together anymore is what's best when she's still in love with you. Maybe she's upset about her mother's attitude towards you. All I can say right now is that you should give it some time and see how things develop. I know you don't want to move on. I didn't want to when my ex boyfriend broke up with me. It's never easy to be single again, especially when you were in love with the person you're not with anymore.

[Shayjaggers]

She got her computer back yesterday. But she still doesn't want to date. I'm confused, and hurting. I don't know what to do.

[LetGodArise]

I'm sorry to hear that. Consider that there's been problems and to her this could be an easy way out, and might seem to her that it could be for you, too. Talk to her as much as you can, tell her how you feel and ask her if there's any other reason.. you'll just have to play this out and see what happens.

[WillO'Wisp]

I would like to tell you, good for you, that you don't drink or do drugs. It sounds like you are a good influence and you have a good head on your shoulders.
Secondly, maybe you could try and talk to her mom, try and get her to understand? If that doesn't work then you guys may have to try and find ways to sneak out and meet each other. Once she turns 18 then she'll legally be an adult and her mother won't have so much control over her anymore.

[Shayjaggers]

She got her phone back too. She said that her parents main problem is my age, not my gender. Is 4 years really such a big gap? I don't look nor act 18, and I love her so much. I just want to be with her now, even if it's not forever...

[XbeyondthisworldX]

I'm really sorry. That's not fair... 4 years really isn't that big of a deal, but my sister and her boyfriend is 8 years, and it was really hard for my parents to accpet at first. It got really bad, it was hard for both of them, not to mention it put a huge strain on our family, but once my parents accepted it, it got a lot better. Now, their biggest concern is he hasn't done much with his life and they don't want that to influence her... I would understand if you weren't tryng to improve your future or anything... So, yeah her mom is over reacting... but there's hope that she might cool off and accept it. I'm really sorry. I hope all works out!

[Shayjaggers]

Thank you all for your support and advice.
I hope this works out for the best...

[mikixD]

Originally Posted by Shayjaggers

Thank you all for your support and advice.
I hope this works out for the best...

so shes actually 22 ? in this case would be difficult for their parents understand that i mean most of the cases moms do the first word

[Shayjaggers]

No, she's 14 not 22...and I'm 18.
Things are just getting worse. She won't tell me she loves me anymore and hasn't been letting me call her at night like she used to.
Should I just give up? She won't let me try to talk to her mom, just thinks it will make things worse. She said that if I have any respect for her, then I won't try...

[FallenxFromxGrace]

Never give up on love.
Never.

You need to have a serious talk with this girl. Obviously something happened to make her not want this relationship anymore.

Sit her down, or even call her, and tell her you need a last serious talk, and confront her on this. Tell her she's really hurt you, and that you want to know what it is that is making her act like this. If she doesn't give you a reason, or avoids answering, tell her you're done, you won't be treated this way. It's not right. If she gives you an answer, talk it out with her, and if she really doesn't want this, it's not just a phase, then maybe it is time to call it quits for a little while.

I know, either way it sounds like it's ending. But it's not. Time passes, things change. She might come back if you two end up separating. You'll be okay either way, I promise.

Good luck, hope I helped. =)
Nicky xx.