i think i need help

[jiggi]

Ive posted so many threads in the past about this guy i like. most of them were before TH was changed, so theyll be lost. But generally, problems with him are the only reason i post here. I don't talk to many people on here, but i dont want to post another thread about the same person, but as ive had quite a bit to drink, i'm gonna go for it :P

simply:

• I loved him almost instantly.
• he was a womanizer, always cheating on his partner.
• he destroyed me by breaking up with his gf for me then getting with someone else.
• he still kept sleeping with me.
• now, im fairly over him, enough to hold back and not get hurt, but i know theres still something there.
• Weve always had something between us, our friends have seen it too, but no one can explain what it is.
• i used to think we were soulmates.

nowadays, i'd call him my best friend. trouble is, im dating his best friend, and im not happy with it anymore (i dont do well in relationships that last longer than 6 months), and hes dating a girl who's really like me (shes the girl he got with before instead of me, but its the second time hes been out with her) and hes not happy anymore, and yet hes still in love with the ex he broke up with me for.

we had something good. and theres still something between us, but i know it would never work. i could never trust him, and we'd both get bored.

How do i get over him? i can't keep wishing. He's never gonna feel the same about me, and even if it turned out we would be perfect together, it would hurt too many people to even consider.

He's the reason for most of my scars. And he's the reason I'm still hurting myself now.
He gives me just enough so I know we're close and I know theres still something between us, and I know he still wants me sexually. I want to be able to be just best friends with him and nothing more. why do i still want him? why do i still want him to feel about me how i feell about him?

It's been 3 years of this.I cant carry on. I have to shut up that voice in the back of my head thats always thinking and hoping we could be amazing.


advice would be helpful, as long as its not to stop seeing him and get him out of my life, because thats not possible. hes in my group of friends, and i cant avoid him without abandoning them all, and i cant do that.

[primal moo]

Three years of this, eh? Wow... I can imagine this was a hell of a ride for you. It must be strange to know down to your core that being with him could never work... but that the second you let down your guard, you feel yourself drifting back towards him, "hoping it could be amazing", like you said.

And I can see why just dropping him is probably even more complicated than what it would mess up in your circle of friends... you sound awfully close to each other, and from the way you say you want to be best friends, I'm guessing there are good things about your friendship too.

Well, what about that?... What are those things? Are they positives that would help motivate you to make your friendship work?

And was there something particularly complicated about who you two are dating now, considering what you want is to not date him? Do you feel like the people you're dating are confusing how you relate to each other?

[jiggi]

I think the thing about the people were dating now, is theyre too like us. His girlfriend and me have so much in common, and him and my bf are best friends, so they are very alike, yet theyre both so good! theyre such lovely people, theyre almost too good and too loving. its too much for me and my mate. we find the same things annoying or too much about our partners.

[primal moo]

Heh, I love that... they're both so good, it's too much. Soooo... I'm wondering which you mean: that they're so caring and it's a lot closer than you want to be?... or that you're not used to it?... or that you don't think you deserve it?

[amandajustine]

if he is hurting u and causeing u pain i wouldnt go with him but if he and u work things out ur relationship has been a long time

[jiggi]

I think its that it's closer than I want to be. I'm young, I want to have fun. My bf says he would love to end up with me, and I've never felt that about him. And yeah I feel like I don't deserve it, simply cos of how I keep thinking about his friend, it makes me feel guilty that he's so nice.
Also, have you ever been with someone who apologises for everything when they think theyve upset you? I'd love it if he stood up for his opinions, and disagreed with me. I'm almost dying for an arguement :P

[primal moo]

Ha, yeah, I can totally understand the need for a little more excitement than someone who apologizes all the time. Maybe that's what makes his friend so much more appealing?... more fire, more spontaneity, more... drama, for lack of a better word?

Well, there's definitely a middle ground, if you can pick out the things you like about each of them. And like you said... we're young, there's plenty of time to find that. You don't necessarily have to hold out for the perfect guy, but it's nice to know what you like, right?

We didn't really find much of a solution for your problem, did we?

[jiggi]

lol, yeah, like i said, its been 3 years and i've been trying to come up with a solution for 2 of those. maybe i'll just always have trouble for as long as we're friends. as for me and my boyfriend, we're now being 'just friends' for a while, and gunna 'see how it goes'. I've been having such trouble with college and with my depression, it's for the best i guess. It's one less thing to stress so much about, but it doesn't really help this situation at all. :/

[primal moo]

Yeaaaaaaah... I'd be impatient for an answer after two years.

It's certainly sounds complicated, what with you two being kinda tied up in each other. Come back and vent any time you need to!