Sick of Waiting, Scared of Waiting PLEASE HELP! URGENT!!

[Hey, Steven]

Hey, I'm new. I was attracted here when I read a few threads that were SO close to what's happening to me that it's scary.

Background:
Awhile ago, my friend, Friend A, told me that a guy in my English class liked me. I was kinda flattered, but I really hadn't a clue who he was. I guess I had kinda play-flirted with him at a b-ball tournament (don't ask, I suck at that sport) before, back when I liked another guy too much to care. But after that crush kinda faded (didn't really know the guy, just thought he was kinda cute and within my league), I saw him. I kinda started crushing on him, too, after I got to know him a bit, and was really surprised. I had never felt like this about a guy this early. I fall for people really easily, but that had happened over and over and over and over to me. This was really different. He was everything I ever looked for in a guy. Cute, uber-funny, sweet, awesome family... everything. I can't even name everything. And when he looked at me, I smiled, every blasted time. It was the first time I felt that... feeling. Glowing almost. Like he glowed, and I glowed back. It's hard to explain to anyone whose never felt it. It's more than merely a "crush" now. It's been about a month now, and neither of us have made a move. He seems pretty shy, but only around me. He looks flustered whenever I catch him looking. And I feel like I can trust him. I've never had a good relationship, you know. My last two (the only ones I count), the guys came at me full-on, and I agreed to date them without even getting the chance to crush on them, at all! They both ended bad, because the guys were looking for something I wasn't giving, so they both cheated on me. English Guy is different. He seems to really, genuinely, like me. But I don't know... neither of us has made a move, and I'm beginning to get a bit impatient. I've been over at his house almost every day the past week, working on a project (we have a big group, 5 people plus Friend A, English Guy, and me), and when the project is due, I feel time is up, I won't get another chance. I really think that I should make a move. Friend A has expressed interest, but she's got a boyfriend. The only challenge there is that her BF may be moving to another province, and she's not keen on long-distance (frequently expresses that she doesn't approve of my brother's) relationships.

Well, Friend A is going to the basketball practice tomorrow that I happen to be skipping, and I think that this would be a good chance to ask him out, not that I think I'm brave enough for that. But I don't know... How would I ask him out? What would I say? I don't know about a date-date, but I want to lay some sort of real claim on him, I want him to be my boyfriend. I'm really scared to ask, because I'm so unsure what to say, even though this may be my only chance. I'm lost. PLEASE HELP!!

[CompassionateSoul]

I suggest you express your interest in him, to him. Tell him you have noticed him and you like him, and you'd like to at least get to know him better. It will certainly start a conversation and once he knows he likes you, he will start thinking about a relationship as well.
I think there are two ways you can go about this:

1. Arrange a casual meet up, just you and him, go and see a movie "As friends" whilst it's the two of you, it would be a good time to bring up that you enjoy his company and you're getting to like him, see what he says (he may well say he likes you as well, and you can take it from there by asking him on a date if he says that - I doubt he'd refuse in that situation), he seems to like you as well.
2. Tell him you are getting to like him - wherever is convenient and see what he says, if he says he likes you as well, ask if he wants to hang out.

Personally, if I was in your shoes, I'd go with #1, it will have more of an impact, and you will be able get to know each other better. Ask him if he wants to go and see Sherlock Holmes, Avatar, Nine, etc, with you. There are a lot of decent movies out and even is he says no (which I think is somewhat unlikely) you will have still had a good afternoon/evening out together.
As he is shy, he is probably waiting for you to make the first move, and being shy myself, I love it when a girl asks me out without waiting for me to do it. Make it clear you want to get to know him and take it slowly (without saying "I want to take this slowly), if you go on dates where you can't be alone with the person you're dating, you may avoid the pressure previous boyfriends have put on you.
I hope this helps, let us know how things go!
And remember, your friend has a boyfriend, so it's better to do something now, and she can't get mad at you because she's currently in a relationship. If she does get mad, then it's rather childish.


Welcome to TeenHelp by the way!!

[Hey, Steven]

Originally Posted by CompassionateSoul

I suggest you express your interest in him, to him. Tell him you have noticed him and you like him, and you'd like to at least get to know him better. It will certainly start a conversation and once he knows he likes you, he will start thinking about a relationship as well.
I think there are two ways you can go about this:

1. Arrange a casual meet up, just you and him, go and see a movie "As friends" whilst it's the two of you, it would be a good time to bring up that you enjoy his company and you're getting to like him, see what he says (he may well say he likes you as well, and you can take it from there by asking him on a date if he says that - I doubt he'd refuse in that situation), he seems to like you as well.
2. Tell him you are getting to like him - wherever is convenient and see what he says, if he says he likes you as well, ask if he wants to hang out.

Personally, if I was in your shoes, I'd go with #1, it will have more of an impact, and you will be able get to know each other better. Ask him if he wants to go and see Sherlock Holmes, Avatar, Nine, etc, with you. There are a lot of decent movies out and even is he says no (which I think is somewhat unlikely) you will have still had a good afternoon/evening out together.
As he is shy, he is probably waiting for you to make the first move, and being shy myself, I love it when a girl asks me out without waiting for me to do it. Make it clear you want to get to know him and take it slowly (without saying "I want to take this slowly), if you go on dates where you can't be alone with the person you're dating, you may avoid the pressure previous boyfriends have put on you.
I hope this helps, let us know how things go!
And remember, your friend has a boyfriend, so it's better to do something now, and she can't get mad at you because she's currently in a relationship. If she does get mad, then it's rather childish.


Welcome to TeenHelp by the way!!

Whoa, you have no idea how much that helped! Hmm, I'm kinda tongue-tied around him, so maybe I'd make it a group thing and go see a movie. The only issue is that Friend A is one of our best common friends... unless she brings her BF! Hmm, coming together already The closest place with a theater is still about an hour out of town, but I'm pretty new in town so I've never been there. I good excuse to go, too! Thanks sosososo much!!

[CompassionateSoul]

Originally Posted by Hey, Steven

The only issue is that Friend A is one of our best common friends... unless she brings her BF! Hmm, coming together already

Brilliant! You have two choices then: Go with him and nobody else OR Go with your friend AND her bf. Make sure her boyfriend is coming though. Although, if you don't tell her who you're bringing, she won't try to make excuses as to why her boyfriend mysteriously couldn't come last minute. Personally, I'd go alone, you and him will be able to 'bond' much better without anyone else there. I know it's a bit of a big step and you're both shy, but, it's the best way to do it, just make conversation and enjoy your time together.
Really, Friend A came along, she may make it difficult for the two of you to get to know one another, either intentionally or not. I've seen people do it to their friends all the time though, threads on here about it. It's best to keep her out of it until you get a little closer to him, I can promise you that.

[Hey, Steven]

Originally Posted by CompassionateSoul

Brilliant! You have two choices then: Go with him and nobody else OR Go with your friend AND her bf. Make sure her boyfriend is coming though. Although, if you don't tell her who you're bringing, she won't try to make excuses as to why her boyfriend mysteriously couldn't come last minute. Personally, I'd go alone, you and him will be able to 'bond' much better without anyone else there. I know it's a bit of a big step and you're both shy, but, it's the best way to do it, just make conversation and enjoy your time together.
Really, Friend A came along, she may make it difficult for the two of you to get to know one another, either intentionally or not. I've seen people do it to their friends all the time though, threads on here about it. It's best to keep her out of it until you get a little closer to him, I can promise you that.

The ride to the city, whether it's Yorkton or S'toon, is pretty scary if there's only the two of you... Minimum? 1 hour. Max? 2 and a half. Not ready for that yet, I don't think my nerves could handle it!

[Hey, Steven]

*Update*
We're done the project! Ah! But I think I can find a chance tomorrow to slip the movie idea in. Okay, and another good source tells me English Guy (his name is in my username, so calling him English Guy is pretty much a moot point) for sure likes me. But now everyone knows (I can't lie) that I like him. Not how much yet, but they know. And I'm positive Friend A is trying to keep me from starting something with him... I just don't know why. Looking for a safety guy? Maybe...

[WillO'Wisp]

Just ask him before you miss your chance.
Friend A who has been showing interest, she already has a Boyfriend, so she's pretty much got her hands full, but you shouldn't wait around for someone else to ask him, or for something to happen. You may not get another chance if you don't act now, so just go for it! Don't sound too desperate though, just ask him casually, "Hey do you want to hang out sometime, get to know each other better?" Something casual like that.
Hope it works out for you!

[Hey, Steven]

Originally Posted by Dragon.Kingdom

Just ask him before you miss your chance.
Friend A who has been showing interest, she already has a Boyfriend, so she's pretty much got her hands full, but you shouldn't wait around for someone else to ask him, or for something to happen. You may not get another chance if you don't act now, so just go for it! Don't sound too desperate though, just ask him casually, "Hey do you want to hang out sometime, get to know each other better?" Something casual like that.
Hope it works out for you!

Thanks so much!! I just can't imagine myself plucking up the balls (metaphor, I'm a chick) to ask something like that... I'm much too caught up when I'm around him, you know? I hope you do know what I mean. It's not a bad feeling

[CompassionateSoul]

Originally Posted by Hey, Steven

And I'm positive Friend A is trying to keep me from starting something with him... I just don't know why. Looking for a safety guy? Maybe...

She wants him for herself, I know that sounds blunt, but it seems she likes him and doesn't want anyone else to be with him. From what you've said she has a crush on him, but she can't do anything about it as she has a boyfriend, but, without being rude, she sounds like the type of girl who would split with her boyfriend then start flirting with Steven trying to win him over.
Try to keep her away from what you're trying to do...it sounds as though she will only try to make things more difficult. I agree with the above as well, it's better to do something now rather than later.
Try and talk to him, soon.

[Hey, Steven]

Originally Posted by CompassionateSoul

She wants him for herself, I know that sounds blunt, but it seems she likes him and doesn't want anyone else to be with him. From what you've said she has a crush on him, but she can't do anything about it as she has a boyfriend, but, without being rude, she sounds like the type of girl who would split with her boyfriend then start flirting with Steven trying to win him over.

Ah, that makes sense, and is what I was a little worried about. She was the one who first said that he liked me, but then later she began trying to come between us, sometimes literally (she wouldn't let me sit next to him in the car, she made me move over so she could sit between us). She's one of my best friends at this new school, so I don't think I could take this step without her, but she's also an obstacle, so I'm a little stuck.

[Hey, Steven]

*Update*
I was finally able to pluck up the courage to make a move, and even though it's really small, it was big to me. I found him in the hall and asked for a ride to Friend A's house tonight (she had offered me a ride from her boyfriend, but I declined). I don't know how talking to him is so easy, but when I have to say something like that I freeze up. Probably fear of rejection or something... But I just hope to god my dad let's me go! We're going at ten (when Friend A gets back from a basketball game my coach said I wasn't aloud to go to), so he was firm on not letting me go. He's melted and said we'll talk to my mom about it when she gets home. CROSS YOUR FINGERS!!!

[Hey, Steven]

*UPDATE!!*
Okay, the project sucked, and we'll probably fail, but the night went great. After the vid was done, we drove around a bit, and he dropped everyone off first so it was just me and him. No kiss or anything (partly my fault, even though I did make a point of sitting middle-front, beside him), but we did talk, and he found not-so-subtle-although-he-probably-thought-they-were ways of finding out a little more about me. When I brought up (again, oh-so-subtly) that there was nothing to do in "this town" in the winter, he mentioned skating. I said I haven't skated much since moving out to Saskatchewan, and he said "We'll have to teach you, then." Good place to start, do you guys think? Ask if we can go skating sometime? And, if so, with or without our group? (We both agreed our English group HAS to hang out more together.)

[Rhop101]

Yeah that sounds great that's sounds really fun. Yeah definitely ask . I sort of feel just the two of you should go together simply because then he can focus his attention on you and you on him. I know it may seem scary but you'll probably make more progress getting to know each other and learning how to skate lol. Plus isn't friend A in your group so she will probably distract him or try too.
Oh and don't worry about kissing or anything it will just sort of happen. I didn't kiss my gf until after we had already become bf and gf

Good Luck

[Hey, Steven]

Originally Posted by Rhop101

Yeah that sounds great that's sounds really fun. Yeah definitely ask . I sort of feel just the two of you should go together simply because then he can focus his attention on you and you on him. I know it may seem scary but you'll probably make more progress getting to know each other and learning how to skate lol. Plus isn't friend A in your group so she will probably distract him or try too.
Good Luck

Yeah, you're right. Timing might be hard because of finals next week, but I'll ask him tomorrow. And Friend A is in Saskatoon with her boyfriend, so I should probably ask then... Wow, how do I get over how nervous the thought of asking makes me?

[Hey, Steven]

Okay, I'm sick and tired of not doing anything. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... does anyone have any advice on how to pluck up the courage and TALK to him more?

[CompassionateSoul]

Originally Posted by Hey, Steven

Good place to start, do you guys think? Ask if we can go skating sometime? And, if so, with or without our group?

Fantastic place to start considering HE suggested it! I agree, it would be better to go without anyone else. Try making a joke about it sounding like a date, see what how he responds. I think if you went alone you'd be able to get to know each other better and it may well be more enjoyable.
As for being nervous, it will be a case of spitting it out and making it sound like it does in your head! Try and stay calm, when you are getting ready to ask him your heart will probably be pounding and you'll get a little flustered. When this happens, just take a couple of deep breaths, and ask him. Don't worry if he notices that you're flustered, etc, he will think it's cute. Most guys love it. So, go for it, and try to take a few deep breaths beforehand.

[Hey, Steven]

Okay, thanks SO much! Probably the most helpful post so far! I hope he's in English tomorrow and not skipping out, I think asking him sooner than later will be best

The only thing I'm worried about, though, is that some guys from my homeroom might be there. He's the only guy in my homeroom that I actually have classes with, except Stephen, who's in the drama club with me. Some of his friends really freak me out, since I don't know them, so that's another reason going together is scary. Actually, that's the only thing frightening me right now. And they're not the kinda people I can be calm and cool with, either. By "they" I mean two guys that are absolutely hilarious, but unpredictable. I don't feel in-control around them. And my parents probably wouldn't fly for me going alone with Steven, either

[Hey, Steven]

I've decided to mention it as a group thing. I'd really like to just make it a him-and-me thing, but I don't wanna throw it at him if he's not ready for it. I posted something on his Facebook asking if he would still be able to give me a ride to Ashley's, and it was deleted today. I don't know, he seems different with me when his friends aren't around, which makes me wonder what they say about me? I'm the new girl, they don't know me, they're bound to have some sort of opinions and influence... He's so different when I'm at his house with our mutual friends than he is in the hallways of the school. He doesn't treat me different, really, he just doesn't stick around and talk much with me when his friends are waiting by the door... is this really, really bad or what?

[Hey, Steven]

I just realized something today... When I'm away from him, I miss him. It aches. When we're together (like when he gave me a ride home from school a few minutes ago) I feel happy and full. I don't think about any of the stuff I plan to say, because when I plan it, I'm jittery and nervous, but when I talk to him, it's not like I planned it out as because I'm confidant. Is that normal??

[CompassionateSoul]

This is generally how you feel around someone you have a crush on.
I'm not sure what to think of the fact that he avoids you when with his friends. Maybe he doesn't like his friends to be involved with other personal relationships. It could be that he doesn't want them to know which girls he hangs out with, etc, because, if they did know, they may wind him up etc. Although, it's hard to say as we don't know how old he is, or how old you are.

People are often different around their friends, but be aware that around his friends he's probably not trying to be polite, etc, as he may do around you. He is likely to treat you differently, it could be because he likes you. Try not to think on it too much.

[Hey, Steven]

Yeah, I'll try. And I think one of his friends was giving him a hard time about me. He was kinda making fun of him in homeroom the other day.

And we're both sixteen, seventeen in a few months.