ex cheated on me, bipolar, long story

[seant88]

Hello, my name is Sean, and I have had something that's been driving me crazy recently.

So, me and my first love were together for 16 months. Her name is Tina. Towards the end of our relationship, she cheated on me for a month or two, and then left me for some guy in Michigan (I live in California).

The thing is, she was my first love, and SHE proposed to me, and I happily accepted 6-7 months prior to our breakup. We were engaged, and she cheated on me. I had no idea she was cheating on me until 2 weeks after she had already left, in which I saw a bunch of logs of her and her now boyfriend talking to each other, telling each other a bunch of sexual things, etc. I was furious, felt stabbed in the heart, and felt really bitter. The absolute hardest thing was to call her the next day, and forgive her; if I didn't forgive her, I'd still be bitter about it until this very day.

A little bit of background...

I moved in with her into my parents home. In the beginning, things were fine, but this home environment really started becoming stressful very fast. It was a bilingual environment, and my parents can be very judgmental and demeaning. All they would do was talk crap about her in their language, and then put on a different face whenever she was around. My mother is extremely mentally and emotionally unstable, and at times just wouldn't care if she hurt Tina, or me. It was a bad place to be in, but the problem is, if we didn't move here then we probably would've ended up being homeless. This environment wasn't good for her mental situation, but we literally had no other choice. When we came here from Missouri to California, I was set to find a job, but first I had to pass some certifications in order to find a better job than minimum wage. I studied for a few months, self-taught myself the things I had to know, then passed the tests. Afterwards, I went job hunting, submit my resume to at least 100 places, and just crossed my fingers. A few weeks later, I started receiving about 2-4 job offers a day. I was thrilled. As I started attending interviews, and finally landed a possible job, my father approached me, and told me that if he didn't start making some money here soon, his savings would run out and my family would lose their home. I said yes, of course, because now my father, mother, and little brothers life was in jeopardy, and she didn't like that I was willing to get a job for the sake of keeping them sheltered when I "should have" (according to her) been getting us out of this home.

Here's the twist...

She's bipolar, manic depressive, and has recently been having suicidal thoughts, or is at least on the verge of doing something regretful. She told me when she was cheating on me, she had no idea what she was doing, and that it wasn't Tina doing it, but instead her bipolar and manic depressive side doing it. She's told me it hurts her for what she did to me, but she couldn't control herself. She told me that it was very confusing what she did; all of her cheating, her lying, her lashing out at me, her paranoia...her chemical imbalance (as she said) was confusing her.

Now, she's living with her 18 year old boyfriend (he has had a suicidal past), is living off of $100 a week (at the most), and has already had the guy blow a lot of his savings on buying her a new computer, new everything, and just plays games a lot of the time. I still love her to death, and I would take her back, but I wanted some of your guys' insight as well. Yes, she was my first love, but I saw myself growing old with her and raising my future children with her. I feel so lost and confused.

[PSY]

I'm so sorry to hear that things didn't work out. =(

In all honesty, I wouldn't even THINK about taking her back until she 1) starts taking medication for her disorder, and 2) starts seeing a therapist on a regular basis for her depression (minimum once per week). The differences between medicated vs. non-medicated, and counseled vs. non-counseled, are like day and night. Believe me, I would know... my dad is currently in the process of divorcing my stepmother, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder over 20 years ago. Not only is your girlfriend likely to continue doing reckless things, but it may be next to impossible to know if what she's doing is because of the chemical imbalance, or because she's simply selfish and wants to do those things.

I don't know... maybe I'm just biased, because my dad is currently dealing with a similar situation (she cheated on him, and also blamed it on her mental disorder), but I think you're better off without her. You need to put your own well-being first (and, from the sound of it, your family's well-being/financial status). Concentrate on living the life YOU want to lead... not the life that your girlfriend wants you to give her.

[seant88]

Fortunately, the decision I made helped my family keep their home, and they are now financially stable. Unfortunately, I sacrificed the love of my life in order to help them out.

I just...miss her. I miss seeing her, being with her, and now that she's 2000 miles away, I don't know anymore.