i wish he would understand people do have ex's

[ally34]

Hey I am 19 and my bf is almost as well, we have been together for a year and 3 months and I love him so much. My bf lets call him jon know all about my ex paul lets say. Jon only had 1 gf before me and really short time period and kissed but it was a peck and didn’t do anything else it was a I want a gf cause everyone did at that young age or w.e. nothing big though. Me on the other hand I only had 1 bf as well but there was a lot more involved. When my bf and I were friends just after paul and I broke up I told him all about it and he listened. This is what he had known: that he lied, cheated, pushed me, wasn’t respectful, got a new gf cause I didn’t do things, swore at me, he said, “I could have waited to fuk u then broke up with you” which killed me. Jon knows all this he did a year ago but he doesn’t know what we did do.

My best friend told me not to tell him the most I did, which is that he rubbed me with my pants down. I didn’t intitate it and it was kinda pushed a lot on me but its not like I never said no or didn’t like it. So I never told jon that paul did that or that he tried to finger me before he broke up or that he put my hand on his crotch for me to give him a hang job (didn’t do that or the fingering thing) Now my bf is extremely respectful and after a year and he 3 months he justtt started seeing my in a bra with my tank off but nottthing to do with pants always on and no nothing down there. I love how respectful he is. Now he was over last week and then I had my tank top and moved it down a little and showed my bra a tinyy bit and pushed my boobs like a push up bra and he got all turned on and went on me and started kissing really hot and feeling me up and hands all over me(excluding down there) after I said, oohohh I didn’t know you could do that I meant it in a joking way

About 10 mins late he brings up my ex and is like the way u said that I took it like everything we’ve done you already did with you ex before and its all nothing new and was asking me what I did do. I was trying to explain to him noo I meant it jokingly/flirty I duno why u related it to him. My bf seemed pretty upset, I duno why he took it like that and I know how he must feel to think I did everything (which isn’t too much) before with another guy) so I told him which is true that I didn’t let paul see my bra, yes he clearly tried but I didn’t trust him like I trust you to! He was asking if I was ever close hugging him or kinda on him and I couldn’t say no!!:S paul was my bf .so I told jon yeah I did. But I said that I didndt trust him like I trust you and he was a little boy and it was short and not a real relationship. My bf did seem upset though that I was close to him like we have done or w.e but honestly paul was my bf. So I didn’t want to say to this day that he saw me in my underwear and rubbed me cause I don’t think my bf can handle that. Is it bad keeping that a secret and making it like just hugging and ontop or w.e, no seeing bra and that its, is it bad leaving the main thing out? And him thinking those other little things is all we did?i feel guilty, but I don’t think he can handle the trust to be honest

[PSY]

There's no right or wrong answer to your question. It honestly depends on the nature of the relationship. Normally, I would tell you that it's bad to lie to your partner... but what good will come out of telling "Jon" the truth? I can only see pain, bitterness, jealousy, etc. The relationship may suffer... and I don't see any reason why it would become STRONGER, as a result of telling him the truth. Which is ultimately what you want to strive for: a stronger relationship, stronger than what you had with "Paul".

Give it time. As you and "Jon" become closer (physically as well as emotionally), previous relationships won't matter as much as your current relationship. Perhaps, then, he would be able to handle the truth without taking it so personally.

[justadream89]

This is what I think. I was in a similar situation as you, except in my relationship, I'm more of a Jon I guess you could say. lol My boyfriend is 2 years older than me and we have been together for almost 2 years. He isn't a virgin. I asked him, and he told me that he only had sex with 2 girls, and one he was in a serious relationship with, the other one, the one who took his virginity he wasn't that serious with and that he was drunk when it happened. I am a virgin. It's kinda hard to hear it and think that one day I could give him everything that I've never given anyone else before, physically, and he can't do the same. However, when it comes to other relationships, I've never asked what he did with them. I only care about the sex part, because to me, that is the most important. Ultimately, its up to you if you want to tell him or not. If you want my opinion, I wouldn't. I know that beyond knowing he had sex with so-and-so, I do not want to know any other details about what my boyfriend did with ex-girlfriends because I know myself well enough to know that I would get jealous of the past (even though I know that it's stupid to get jealous of the past and solves nothing) and would just drive myself insane. Not to mention, physical stuff isn't everything. You can give him emotional things, such as trust, that you never ever gave your ex boyfriend, and he can give you emotional things that you're ex boyfriend never gave you. I think in some instances, that the emotional stuff is way more important than the physical stuff. I hope it all works and you decide if you're gonna tell him or not. I hope I helped.