Two Teens With Different Religious Views

[Blazer]

This just hits me harder then a brick with anything, but I have a problem with my relationship. I love my girlfriend to death, I feel so happy when I am with her, but the one thing that gets me is that she is high up with being religious [catholic] (or at least helping out with her church a lot) while I don't even have a belief in god.

I haven't told her that yet, though she was around when I told somebody who tried to turn me to the christian faith that I don't want to be apart of a religion. She may not have heard that though so I am worried. I truly want to tell her, but I don't want her to think that I am bad person or want her to think that I am telling her that so she will change for me because I am not asking for either of us to change any of our views just to be with each other.

This is killing me. I need someone to tell me something that will assure me that things can work out even with this problem because I am starting to freak out about this more then when I thought about it. I really care about her, but if it can't work out because of this then I have to know so I can end this and a break up won't hurt her as bad as it will hurt me.

I need an answer that can go either way and some advise with it would be really helpful too. Thanks.

[Magicalisland]

I can't assure you that everything will work out, but the chances are you will. If you love your girlfriend half as much as you say you do and she feels the same way, then something as small as religion wont matter. If she does have a problem, offer to help out at church with her or celebrate religious festivals. If she does have a real problem with it then I'm afraid it's really up to you.

[Boobies]

You're probably better off telling her that they don't believe in god, and not keeping it to yourself. She'll probably not mind, if she does then she'll have to accept it. As long as you'd don't start talking about how much of a flawed religion it may be, or how it's wrong I doubt she'll mind. I mean, most young Christians these days so she probably wouldn't care.

[TheLittleNinja]

Yea, I agree with whats been said - you should tell her.
She probably has non-religious best friends and maybe even family? So why should it bother her if her boyfriend isn't religous? As long as you both have respect for each others beliefs you should both be fine

[Lizzie]

Hmm, well what is it that freaks you out about this? Is it just weird because it is new and different? Or does it bother you some other way? Have you never had a friend that was catholic before? I am just trying to understand what part of this you are having a hard time with.

Because when I think of religion causing issues between a couple, its because they are worried about how they are going to raise future children together and how they are going to raise a family with two different belief systems.

So in this situation, what is causing you so much discomfort by the fact that she is catholic and you are not?

[Double X]

My girlfriend and I make it work, she is very strongly orthodox and I am an atheist. She hid it very well before we went out we both agreed to respect each others beliefs. The only thing that drives me crazy is that she sometimes doesn't know the arguments to back up her beliefs, she says "I believe what I believe" ...the most horrifying answer to someone like me, who needs logical proof. But we are awesome otherwise

[Blazer]

Originally Posted by 3.1415926535897

You're probably better off telling her that they don't believe in god, and not keeping it to yourself. She'll probably not mind, if she does then she'll have to accept it. As long as you'd don't start talking about how much of a flawed religion it may be, or how it's wrong I doubt she'll mind. I mean, most young Christians these days so she probably wouldn't care.

Note: She is Catholic

Don't worry, I know how to not to talk about how much I don't like religion. Even around my friends. Half the time when I make a joke or something that goes with religion it spreads far enough to were it can't offend anyone.

Originally Posted by Double X

My girlfriend and I make it work, she is very strongly orthodox and I am an atheist. She hid it very well before we went out we both agreed to respect each others beliefs. The only thing that drives me crazy is that she sometimes doesn't know the arguments to back up her beliefs, she says "I believe what I believe" ...the most horrifying answer to someone like me, who needs logical proof. But we are awesome otherwise

That's something that really helps me out, an example of two people with different beliefs (especially an atheist) being able to be in a relationship without having to change. You were somebody that I was looking for. Thanks for posting.

Originally Posted by Lizzie

Hmm, well what is it that freaks you out about this? Is it just weird because it is new and different? Or does it bother you some other way? Have you never had a friend that was catholic before? I am just trying to understand what part of this you are having a hard time with.

Because when I think of religion causing issues between a couple, its because they are worried about how they are going to raise future children together and how they are going to raise a family with two different belief systems.

So in this situation, what is causing you so much discomfort by the fact that she is catholic and you are not?

Trust me, I have friends who are Jewish, catholic, christian, Mormon, agnostic, atheist, and deist. It's not that it's something different that is driving me with discomfort.

It's the fear that she won't like me, not for not being catholic, but for being an atheist. There I few times I have feared people not liking me for it. Even when I told my parents, I knew they wouldn't make to much of a big deal out of it and if they did then I wouldn't give a damn, but she is different. I actually care about her and I don't want to lose her over something so petty.

[Lizzie]

Thanks for explaining. You know what? People with different beliefs are together all the time. Take for example my boyfriend is Christian and I am Wiccan. Very different beliefs, but we are open and honest with each other and that is key. I know it can be a little scary telling someone how you feel, but these are your beliefs and these are hers, they are not going to change. So you need to find out now, earlier in the relationship before someone finds out another way, and then they get hurt. You don’t want to make it seem like you are hiding it from her on purpose. Because then you get into the whole trust issue. So, if you are looking for an answer, you have to be honest and open with her. And if she is ok with it, great! And if not, and this relationship doesn’t last, you don’t want to be with someone who does not respect your beliefs. They don’t have to agree, but they need to respect you as a person with your own thoughts and ideas.
I hope everything goes well. Let us know.

[Blazer]

Originally Posted by Lizzie

Thanks for explaining. You know what? People with different beliefs are together all the time. Take for example my boyfriend is Christian and I am Wiccan. Very different beliefs, but we are open and honest with each other and that is key. I know it can be a little scary telling someone how you feel, but these are your beliefs and these are hers, they are not going to change. So you need to find out now, earlier in the relationship before someone finds out another way, and then they get hurt. You don’t want to make it seem like you are hiding it from her on purpose. Because then you get into the whole trust issue. So, if you are looking for an answer, you have to be honest and open with her. And if she is ok with it, great! And if not, and this relationship doesn’t last, you don’t want to be with someone who does not respect your beliefs. They don’t have to agree, but they need to respect you as a person with your own thoughts and ideas.
I hope everything goes well. Let us know.

Alright I will tell her, thanks a lot. You are a big help man. Dealing with this was hard, but I see now that I got to face it. Thanks.

[Boobies]

Originally Posted by Blazer

Note: She is Catholic

Catholics are still Christians...

[TheNumber42]

Originally Posted by 3.1415926535897

Catholics are still Christians...

Generally they are stricter and, stereotypically, less open minded though. So in some cases it could be an important distinction.

[Algernon]

... And what about if/when you have kids?

[Double X]

Originally Posted by Algernon

... And what about if/when you have kids?

meh, he's 15, if they're still together in by the time they think about having kids then they are completely perfect for each other and will compromise

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Double X

meh, he's 15, if they're still together in by the time they think about having kids then they are completely perfect for each other and will compromise

Just offering a situation

[EightEleven91]

Originally Posted by Double X

meh, he's 15, if they're still together in by the time they think about having kids then they are completely perfect for each other and will compromise

Never know in this day and age, it could be next week

[Blazer]

Originally Posted by Algernon

... And what about if/when you have kids?

I have come by this scenario and it does seem hard to come up with a solution. My thoughts on it was it should be the kid's choose on what they want to be. Of course there is more to it one things like going to church and what, but going to far into things will we are both, "kids" seems to weird for me to go any further.

Originally Posted by EightEleven91

Never know in this day and age, it could be next week

I couldn't agree more for most people, but, for me, even if she was willing to have sex with me I would be to shy to do anything lol.

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Blazer

I have come by this scenario and it does seem hard to come up with a solution. My thoughts on it was it should be the kid's choose on what they want to be. Of course there is more to it one things like going to church and what, but going to far into things will we are both, "kids" seems to weird for me to go any further.



I couldn't agree more for most people, but, for me, even if she was willing to have sex with me I would be to shy to do anything lol.

Well good. I'm Christian too and I'm going to let my kids decide. The only thing I'm going to make them do is go to church on Easter and Christmas. I think that's fair.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

The Catholic religion is traditionally a lot stricter than other branches of Christianity, but that isn't necessarily the case for all Catholics.

I would say that the biggest issue would not be that she believes in God, but more her beliefs on other issues. How does her religion affect the way that she thinks about say, homosexuality? Or contraception? (I know you said sex isn't an issue now, but it might be down the line, and one of the stricter Catholic beliefs is you can't use contraception).

I used to go to a youth Bible study group. I wasn't very religious, I didn't go to church usually, but it was my friend's church and I was mostly there for the support we gave to various charities. I stopped going, however, after some of my friends said in no uncertain terms that they thought anyone who was a non-Christian would go to hell. I thought it didn't make sense that you could accept different sexualities, different races, different genders, but you couldn't accept someone who was a good person, but just didn't believe the same things as you.

So as long as your fundamental beliefs don't interfere with each other, then I think you could really work out. Maybe she helps out a church because she enjoys helping people and that's something everyone can agree on .

[Rainbow Dash]

Me and my ex made a pact, I'd shut up about my religious views around him if he shut up about his around me. I'm an athiest/agnostic and he was a Christian. We just knew we'd get on eachothers nerves if we talked about it a lot. It worked pretty well imo I suggest telling her about you being an athiest though, best not to keep things secret in a relationship.

[MadPoet]

I can understand why you are worried, because many Catholic's are against dating people who are nonreligious. I used to go to Catholic school, and it's definitely safe to say that some Catholics have negative views on Atheists.

But seeing as your girlfriend hasn't even brought up the topic of your religion or asked you if you are a Christian, I would assume that it obviously isn't something she's too concerned about. If it were a huge factor in her relationships, then chances are she would have questioned you about it already.

So keep that in mind, and try to be open with her. Being open in a relationship is more important than your religious beliefs, at least in my opinion. As long as you respect her beliefs then I am sure she will respect yours.

[WillO'Wisp]

Well, if it were me I'm not at all christian, I am rather against christianity but I won't judge people for their beliefs cause that's just rude and disrespectful. But yeah I don't think I could date someone who is religious, but if you really love her and she really loves you, just be honest with her. Honesty is always the best policy and it's very important and efficient in a relationship. If she doesn't care about you anymore just because you are not religious, then she doesn't even deserve you. If she were to be turned off by you not being religious that is shallow.