Male Advice Preferred: Please, give me something?

[anarchy_07]

All right, so a while back a posted a thread: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-re...8194-break-up/

This is long, I know, but please, I need advice. This is killing me...

Basically, we broke up, and I offered my friendship to him. Well, heres the problem. We hung out once after the break up and right before I left he gave me a long hug and said, "I hope you still like me". That caught me off guard. Anyways, a week later, he asks me to come to a movie with him, but my phone broke and we were unable to. I called him a week later and asked if he was up for roaming around a park (and I meant as friends). He said he was definitely up for it and he would call me when he got out of work the next day. The next day, I get a phone call from him, but its not what i'm expecting. The first time, he hung up when I answered. Then he called back and said, "I kind of lied to you. I got out of work at ten and we're on a greyhound bus. I'm leaving. I'm going west. I'm sick of women. Goodbye." I was in shock, but before I could even question, he hung up. I called back, but he didn't answer. This upset me a lot. It didn't make any sense. Everyone agreed that you plan these trips in advance. So, I went to his apartment and before knocking I put my ear to the door. I heard guitar strings and knew he was home. I knocked, no answer...and being the persistant person I am, I shouted, "I heard you in there, open the door". Nothing. I wanted answers so, like i've done twice before, I sat outside of his apartment knowing he had to work later that night and would have to come out. An hour later, he sends a text saying, "you're a f***ing freak". I texted him back for a bit, telling him he had a problem and that I did nothing to him. My last response was, "Oh and i'm not the problem, I'm the solution. So stop treating me like i've done something wrong. If you want me to go, give me what i came for". Which I told him was an explanation, a reason for his behavior. That's when he came out, and handed me a note saying this:

You told her that you would go to the park with her and hold her hand, but you lied despite of command. You just keep wasting time. Collect your money and i assure you you'll be fine. In maybe a year or two. Oh how nice it would be just to see you. We don't have to talk for a real long time. Just give me a few moments of your time. Why are you so nice to me? I've done nothing to deserve thee, and now i've finally realized why God play's hide & seek with me. I've got to crawl out of my window to be free. Someone is knocking on my door in search of me. Why can't I just be left alone. I told her I was headed West, where I've been told is the place to go. And now you see I need you so, but baby please you must understand when I tell you I need to be left alone. Don't'chu know that's the way I'd rather it be. Just keep knocking on my door for me. I'll be there in just a little while, my sweet little child. How dumb it is to be, lost and free, with no direction home. Bombs fall, cancer kills, women lie, and to this day there is still no place I call my home. Oh how sweet it is to be me. All lost and free, I NEED TO LEAVE. I miss my home, way up there in the darkness where it's okay to be a rolling stone. No knocks heard. So please can't'chu see that i'm struggling to be reborn....

After reading it, I walked with him to his place of work and we talked. He said things like, "I don't want your friendship. You're wasting your time. Just forget and move on. I don't give a f*** abut you or anything". But then said, "I really do care about you. I really don't want you to go, but there will only be more hurt and pain. There is no reason for us, okay there is, but there is something in the way of that." He also said "I fear relationships and I fear love. I'm leaving this place. You can come if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you. Im not good with relationships. They always end the same. I don't even want to try. The only love I knew died a long time ago with my mother" He said I was beautiful. He said he doesn't know what he wants. It just went on and on. He originally said he would only talk to me for two minutes, but that turned into thirty minutes. He said he really had to go, but just stood there and looked at me for a few seconds.

I've never dealt with anything like this in my life. It's confusing, and complicated. I don't want to lose him. I just need someone to explain this to me. Try and make sense of it. I'm trying to put the pieces together. It just...it doesn't make any sense. Unfortunately, I'm not a guy, and i can;t read guy's minds, so..male advice would be great, but female's thoughts would be good too.

[emoticon]

he sounds confused out of his mind!

[anarchy_07]

Yeah, and its making me go out of my mind because i really don't have an answer. I don't have an explanation. Nothing is clear.

[Brandon]

What I make of it is that he's not ready for a relationship. If you keep trying to get back in a relationship with him, the same thing will probably happen and you'll be heartbroken again. What he's doing doesn't make much sense, but I think the general idea is that he wants you to leave him alone. Give him some personal space. Don't be knockin' on apartment doors and waiting outside to come out. If he calls, don't even answer your phone. My guess is that you're gonna have to find another guy.

[anarchy_07]

Okay, but what if I don't want to move on? He started this. He wanted a relationship. Now he's suddenly changing things up? He told me he really does care about me and that he's never had anyone like me and doesn't want to ruin it. Even if he's not ready for a relationship now, why should I go find someone else? Why shouldn't I answer if he calls?

I havn't been trying to get back into one. I told him I was there as a friend and he kept trying to make it something more.

Believe me, I've given him more space than a normal girl would and I've been more patient and understanding than a normal girl would. I don't think that's the issue. I think it's something else, but I can't figure out what. Thanks for your sharing your opinion though.

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by anarchy_07

Okay, but what if I don't want to move on? He started this. He wanted a relationship. Now he's suddenly changing things up? He told me he really does care about me and that he's never had anyone like me and doesn't want to ruin it. Even if he's not ready for a relationship now, why should I go find someone else? Why shouldn't I answer if he calls?

I havn't been trying to get back into one. I told him I was there as a friend and he kept trying to make it something more.

Believe me, I've given him more space than a normal girl would and I've been more patient and understanding than a normal girl would. I don't think that's the issue. I think it's something else, but I can't figure out what. Thanks for your sharing your opinion though.

People change their minds. Males/Females can be weird sometimes and do things that no one can really explain except themselves. If you don't want to move on, then talk to him one-on-one if you haven't already. If shit doesn't make sense, figure out what does make sense. Otherwise, you'll continue waiting for him to change his mind and you'll be disappointed.

Just tell him that you want to have a real conversation about you and him and you'll leave him alone if it comes to that afterwords. If you show up at his apartment, he'll actually think you're "freaky" and you won't get a word out of him.

[EightEleven91]

In my opinion, and dont take this the wrong way..
You dont help, first you break up with him, want to remain friends fair enough..

He needs a little bit of space to get over the fact you arent together anymore, he must feel confused that you ended up sitting outside his door... If he says hes fed up of women, act like a friend and not a girlfriend and just text him back, give the guy space though. Dont turn up at his door when he clearly wants the space. It makes it worse!

[anarchy_07]

Dan- You've got it all wrong. I didn't end it with him, he ended it with me. I didn't want to break up in the first place, but he was depressed and said some things, so I offered my friendship instead and he accepted. Then, he started trying to take it back to being more than friends and I was confused because I thought he wanted his space, but he kept wanting to hang out.

I showed up at his door because I needed answers and he wouldn't give them to me otherwise. He was simply going to stop talking to me without giving me a reason. So, I went to his apartment and you know after I did that he laughed and said, "Do you think I'm showing you where I live next after you did what you did"? At one point a few months back, he had actually mentioned moving in together so...believe me, I'm not the one with the problem here. This isn't the first time he's done this.

He contradicts himself. Everything he says. As I said earlier, I give him A LOT of space. I text/call once, maybe twice a week. Sometimes every other week to check up on him. He said I'm the one girl who doesn't bother him. All of the males responding seem to be turning this around on me when I'm just trying to be a good friend...or girlfriend...I don't know what I am. When we talked last, i thought we were just friends but he said, "I'm cheating on you with six other women!" Which was a lie by the way. I don't even know what we are anymore...

Brandon- Thanks. I plan on talking to him in a week or so, if he responds to my text or call. If not, I feel that the only possible way for me to get answers is to go to his apartment. He's stubborn. The only way to get anything out of him is to put him in the position where he has no choice but to talk. I'm not even kidding. He hates showing his emotions. He puts on a tough front.

I guess what I was asking for here was a reason for him trying so hard to push me away when he obviously doesn't want to. He does, but he doesn't type of thing.