Loneliness

[Dream]

I am often depressed, and sometimes, I feel that if only I had a good relationship I would be happy. But I have never had a good relationship, only two short and terrible ones, which is seriously depressing now that I see so many other people here in good relationships.

I know that it is not my fault. It does not change the fact that I suffer so much from this.

[Phin]

Being single isn't that bad. Just think of all the great things about it. One being you're always available for a hookup. But if you're not into that sort of thing, there's still plenty more. A lot less stress, definitely. And if it really bothers you to not have a good relationship currently, just think... You are just merely remaining available for your soulmate to come sweep you off your feet when the time comes. There's always someone out there for everyone. And why not enjoy yourself, if you hate being lonely, while your single? Go have some fun!

[freelancertex78]

Having a good relationship will not make you completely happy. It might provide some comfort for a short amount of time, but after that things start to go badly.

Here's a bit of advice: good relationships start with a happy you. If you can't take care of yourself and keep yourself happy then chances are it's a bad idea to enter a relationship. Relying on someone else to be the source of your happiness is destructive. It's like investing in a bad stock market. You're hopeful that if things go well that you'll be rich and set for life. However, the market is unreliable, and you find that you've lost more money than you originally invested - you're worse off than you were before. Whoever you depend on for your happiness won't be around forever.

Relationships do not define a person. As a person who was in your position, the best thing you can do is find out the cause of your unhappiness. Once you've figured out why you're not happy, find out ways to confront it. Work on dealing with your problems instead of wallowing in self pity. The latter does nothing but make you feel worse. Keep your chin up. Remember, confidence is a virtue.

[Union Of V]

I had one terrible relationship too - in the middle of depression. I don't think you can have a good relationship with someone when you're depressed, it just brings you down. Get better on your own, then you'll fully enjoy being with someone else.

EDIT: What she said

[MacGuffin]

Ah, the great myth- that being in a good relationship will make one happy again. Loneliness and depression will fall away and the sun will shine again. Unfortunately, it really is only a myth.

It is unfortunate you have only had negative experiences so far in the world of dating and relationships. And yes, there are good relationships out there. It is possible for you to have a good relationship experience, but know this: it will not be the cure all end all to your sufferings.

Here is what happens all to often: you will meet a great girl/guy. You will fall for said person. You two will be very happy with one another. Now, things can go a number of ways: your depression might come back in little bits while in the relationship, or the relationship might end, or something else might trigger it. Either way, you will be back where you started. The person you are in a relationship with is not perfect, like you. They can't make everything better; simply because A) they really can't and B) that's not really supposed to be their job in a fair relationship. So like in so many situations where people succumb to the myth, they inevitably end up staving off the dark feelings for a while, but they come back.

The reason is because the only one who can fully conquer loneliness and depression is you, not a significant other or soul mate or girlfriend/boyfriend. That is why, though right now it probably seems to suck and the source of all your problems, being single is a good thing. It gives you the time to become confident on your own so that you can function independently and successfully in a relationship with another. We have to be okay with ourselves to make it work with someone else.

The people in good relationships? Those are the ones who know that the myth is false and don't depend on their partner or the concept of love itself to get them out of a slump. They are okay with being on their own, and therefore can enjoy the full benefits of a relationship knowing they don't have to cling to it as their source of happiness. That is what ruins relationships because it puts pressure on them.

My hope is that you take this time to become happy on your own. Singleness can be a gift or a curse. It all depends on how you use it.

~Jordan

[Dream]

Steph and Jordan, I guess I should have written this differently, of course your responses are appropriate given what I wrote. I'm fully aware that another person will not make me happy and that only I can do that (so to speak). My problems go much deeper than simply being in a relationship or not being in a relationship. I just feel this way sometimes.

The fact that you are giving me this advice drives at the heart of the issue; you are much more realized than I am. I am either unfortunate, a fool, or some degree of both. I do appreciate the advice, don't get me wrong. Its good.

I need to go and I would appreciate it if a mod would close the thread.