TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts


Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr Hotlines

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!



Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TMI D: Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
TMI D:'s Avatar
 
Name: Jerica
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: Arizona

Posts: 4
Join Date: April 14th 2010

Troubles Talking To My BF - June 5th 2010, 09:19 AM

Well, I'm having troubles telling my boyfriend how I really feel. I feel as if he's not listening to me. For example: I say I'm sad and upset, he says, "I'm sorry," and "It's okay." When I really want him to say "Whats wrong?" and carry on the convo until I feel better about it. I talked to him a little bit about it, and hinted around so many times, but I didn't exactly say all this directly. But I've been feeling this way for months, and I've been going to other people about my problems, but in all reality, I just want to talk to him. I don't want to seem, you know, desperate for attention..but I just really need some support. Other than "Its okay." I've been supporting him through things...and saying more than "Its okay." You see, I have anxiety, and when I hold things in like this, it just makes things worse in the end. But I'm afraid to say something..afraid I'm going to make him feel down on himself, and afraid that it won't make any progress. I may feel worse in the end because what I told him didn't make a difference. I love him, yet I just want his support..and I asked him why he does this, and he said, "I don't want to make you more stressed if you talk about it." I told him.."That may be how you handle things, but I'd prefer to talk about whats bothering me..and get it over with." Then, the next day, I told him about one of the things that was bothering me..he said, "I'm sorry..I really am." Instead of trying to help me through it. Then later on..he changed the subject. =/ I don't know why he's like this. I know I should talk to him, but I'm scared for stupid reasons, and a few reasons I'm totally unsure of. I guess I just need someone to help motivate me to talk to him. =/
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
xxpaigiexx Offline
Up In The Clouds...

I've been here a while
********
 
xxpaigiexx's Avatar
 
Name: Paige
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: London

Posts: 1,260
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Troubles Talking To My BF - June 5th 2010, 04:36 PM

Hey Jerica,
I think you should try speaking to your boyfriend again and hopefully this time you'll manage to get through to him.
I can understand that he doesn't want to stress you out, but he needs to realise that speaking about things is better than bottling them up and holding them in. I would definitely speak to him again.
Just explain to him that you'd like a little bit more support from him when you're feeling down about things because you want to have the sort of relationship where you can both tell each other your troubles and help each other through as a couple rather than both of you handling things alone.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Lizzie Offline
Optimistic Witch :)

Outside, huh?
**********
 
Lizzie's Avatar
 
Name: Lizzie
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 3,668
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Troubles Talking To My BF - June 5th 2010, 06:12 PM

Hey Jerica,

I think a lot of couples have this issue. They think their partner can read their mind. And the truth really is, they can’t. He seems like he is really trying to be there for you. But if you want to talk to him, say “I am really having a bad day and I would like to talk to you about it.” You can’t hint at what you want him to say in return. If he is being there for you, then tell him what’s going on right then and there. It’s not really fair to expect him to say the exact right thing, to then allow you to carry on the conversation. He might even figure the fact that you never talk about what’s going on, so he is not going to bug you and make you try to talk about it. You have to just inform him of what’s going on next time, instead of waiting for him to ask.



Interested in becoming a staff member? Feel free to PM me, or apply HERE!
::Teen Help Member Since 2006::
::Staff Member for six years::
~Blessed Be~

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
StabMyHeartLover's Avatar
 
Name: Casey
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: Lost in my head O_o

Posts: 482
Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: Troubles Talking To My BF - June 5th 2010, 08:24 PM

Some people are just not that good at helping people. As he says, he thinks it may just stress you out more, so he's not gonna do that! But just tell him that you want him to ask you more things to lead you into talking about it. & Try to be staright up more, to just start talking about it with him , instead of getting him to lead you on. Best of luck to you both.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 8,862
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: Troubles Talking To My BF - June 5th 2010, 10:23 PM

There are many difference between men and women. I sincerely believe that one of those differences is the way in which men and women prefer to receive instructions. Men like to get to the point and have clear instructions... women tend to beat around the bush and be flexible with instructions in order to satisfy all parties involved.

Like Lizzie said, your boyfriend isn't a mind-reader, and what may seem like a clear *HINT* *HINT* to you will probably not be clear to him. Even if he did pick up on your hint, he may have been waiting for you to say something more direct... he wouldn't want to discuss something in more detail if he thought that it would upset you further.

Many couples experience problems with communication. I realize that it's harder to have a serious conversation about your concerns/problems due to your anxiety; unfortunately, if you ever want to have a healthy romantic relationship with someone, you'll have to overcome your anxiety and be more direct. Being "direct" doesn't mean you have to be confrontational... it just means that you speak your mind (no beating around the bush!), and asking that he do the same in return. Sometimes, the truth can hurt... but at least you'll be able to work through your concerns/problems once they're out in the open.

The next time you want to talk, I think it would be best if you said something similar to what Lizzie suggested: "Hey sweetie? I had a horrible day, and I'd really like to get some things off of my chest. I was hoping you could listen to me for a bit." If you want him to offer ideas or advice afterward, then tell him that's what you'd like as well! =)


   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
ROFL COPTER Offline
Banned
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
ROFL COPTER's Avatar
 
Name: James
Gender: Male
Location: England

Posts: 214
Join Date: May 19th 2010

Re: Troubles Talking To My BF - June 6th 2010, 12:06 PM

I'm not surprised how he is acting, the way you post and write here just sounds so over emotional and needy for no reason at all. I would be the same, I don't want to talk to a girl every 10 mins about her problems. I want to have fun with her, miserable people are miserable.

Guess what, every time you are sad it is not your boyfriends job to make you feel happy. That is your job, you can never rely on anyone to make you happy, you have to make yourself happy.

To be honest if you kept doing it all the time, I would dump you. It would annoy me.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
TMI D: Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
TMI D:'s Avatar
 
Name: Jerica
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: Arizona

Posts: 4
Join Date: April 14th 2010

Re: Troubles Talking To My BF - June 7th 2010, 07:15 AM

ROFL COPTER, that kind of makes me upset, about your comment. You know, I know that a good relationship would include a bit of support from both sides. If thats how my bf was, I'd dump him. I am not happy without someone being there for me, I am not completely independent when it comes to that. I need a shoulder to lean on when things get rough, and I am not always depressed and in the "down" mood. This is what gets me. When people judge the situation. And I am not emotional or needy for no reason at all. KThanx.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
DarkSeph Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
DarkSeph's Avatar
 
Name: Liam
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

Posts: 623
Join Date: May 28th 2010

Re: Troubles Talking To My BF - June 7th 2010, 10:25 AM

Completely disagree with ROFL. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting someone there for you and wanting to be able to talk to your bf when you're down. In a relationship your partner should be willing to be there for you whenever you need, your happiness should be the most important thing to them. After all, if your bf was upset and needed you, you'd be there for him, right?

Don't feel you're attention seeking. Chances are your bf is trying his best, but some people tend to believe changing the subject to something more cheerful is the best way to make someone happy. Unfortunately it doesn't always work, most people want to get things off their mind when they're upset. Perhaps the best thing you can do is tell your bf a little more directly. Simply tell him that you'd like to talk more, and when you're depressed you like to get things off your mind. Ask if he wouldn't mind talking about things for a while and if he can listen or even try to help. Telling your partner exactly what's on your mind is often the best solution, good communication is important in a relationship.

Don't feel bad about asking for help. Your bf would probably be happy to help if it makes you happy, and happy himself that you trust him enough to speak your mind.
  Send a message via MSN to DarkSeph  
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
ROFL COPTER Offline
Banned
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
ROFL COPTER's Avatar
 
Name: James
Gender: Male
Location: England

Posts: 214
Join Date: May 19th 2010

Re: Troubles Talking To My BF - June 7th 2010, 01:34 PM

A bit of support is fine, it's when it comes down to what you are saying.

Which is relying on him to talk to you all the time about your problems, if he wanted to be a therapist he would be one.

Keeping things inside and dealing with them yourself is the only true way to ever learn to cope and that is something you need to do, it is obvious everytime you have a problem you cry to someone about it, that's not healthy. Because you should be able to process information yourself, sure you are upset and I've been upset but 99% of the time I will deal with the problem myself. No point bringing my girlfriend down just because I'm feeling crap.

Last edited by Rob; June 7th 2010 at 03:11 PM.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
communication, love, talking, troubles

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off





All material copyright 1998-2014, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.