Female Advice Preferred: HELP please, I don't know how to say no...

[peaceloveparty18]

When I was 13 I got into a very well close relationship with this 15 yr old guy. I 'loved' him and I trusted him with my life. My friends never did like him much, but I always ignored them and didn't understand there reasoning. As time went on he started to make me feel a little uncomfortable, but I trusted him so I let it go. He made me talk about stuff I didn't want to talk about and when he started asking me how far I'd let him go like how much action I'd take from him. I pretty much said no to everything past a kiss. He would get upset with me though so, I would just say maybe instead. It was coming close to when we were about to hang out and I started to get panicked. He once told me that if he started to do anything to me he wouldn't be able to stop. That right there scared me, a lot. I started getting really intense, vivid dreams of him raping me. One of my friends sat me down and pretty much told me the truth straight out and for the first time ever I broke and actually started to understand it. He manipulated me, controlled me and changed me without me even knowing. I was so blind folded to what he did.
Just recently I hung out with one of my guy friends. I'm a freshman and he's a senior. Everything was going fine, we're pretty close but the next thing you know he was on top of me and was kissing me etc. It was my first time being kissed and touched like that. I was so afraid, I couldn't get the word no out. I finally just started squirming and he finally got off of me. He was so mad at me, he wouldn't talk to me.
My ex and I hung out yesterday and well- he's changed a lot. He swore at me the whole time for stupid things and then at the end he decided to hold my hand and then later started to feel me up. I once again kept quite, and just silently wished he would stop..
Please help me, I don't know how to say no...how do I learn to stand up for myself? I've been used over and over, and I've lost so much trust in guys. Now I find myself getting quite or shutting down whenever I see a guy who reminds me of someone from my past. I was once at the grocery store and I saw a guy who looked just like the guy who I was in a big realtionship with. I burst into tears as soon as I saw him. I'm scared of upsetting them? What happens if he doesn't stop when I say no? I need help, idk how to stop being so pushed by guys....

[StabMyHeartLover]

It'll be allirght. Thoughs guys are jerks. I'm not really sure thouhg. You need to take pride in somthing & work your way up from their.

Have you ever thought about not haning out with thoughs guys alone. If you go to parties don't get wasted & don't be alone without one of yoru girl friends.

Talk to your friends about this, on building up your self esteam. You need to know that you don't need to be pushed around by thoughs guys. Its really great that you realize that you where getting used.

I hope this helped some.

[BrokenHeart315]

Sweetie, there are guys who don't act like this in the world, and you don't need the jerks that do.
It'll take some digging. But you'll find a guy that respects you for you, not your body.

[Pelios]

Originally Posted by peaceloveparty18

I'm scared of upsetting them? What happens if he doesn't stop when I say no? I need help, idk how to stop being so pushed by guys....

Hi
Sorry to hear that you had to go though guys pushing you around. Next time he tries to push you around and do something against your will be firm say no if they ask for an explanation remember that you really don’t own anyone one, no is no and period. You really shouldn't be scared of upsetting them, they are the once acting immaturely, if you say no and they don't stop tell them you are going to report them to the school principle.

[Tess*]

Stop hanging out with them alone. Personally, I would stop hanging out with them all together. They're not worth your time.
Just say no. Even if it feels weird. Step out of your comfort zone, gently push them away. Say "no thanks" if it makes you feel better. Then the next time you say it, it won't be as hard.
Trust me on this one, I've said things I knew I had to but as the words were coming out of my mouth I was thinking "I can't believe I'm doing this" but oh man was I glad I did.

[brokenmercy]

If you are having problems saying no, the best thing to do is don't put yourself in a position where you have to make a decision like that. Like don't put yourself alone with a guy. No matter how much you think he is a good guy. Guys are always hard to trust because you never actually know what they are thinking. If you can't say no, guys can't exactly read your mind. Just like we can't read theirs.

Hope this helps!
Please don't put youreslf in bad positions..... Bad things can happen.
Any questions, feel free to ask me.

[PSY]

Ideally, I'd tell you to stop hanging out with them altogether. If you aren't willing to do that, however, then I strongly suggest you NEVER allow yourself to be alone with them in a private setting.

As for saying "no"... practice in front of a mirror. I kid you not. Look into the reflection of your eyes, and say "no" in a firm tone. Say it over and over again, with the same emphasis. Say it loud, say it like you mean it, and don't be afraid to keep saying it more than once. Perhaps it would be a good idea to look into self-defense classes as well (I took kickboxing... it's not quite the same thing, but it really did give me more confidence in the event that a boy ever forced himself on me!).

My friend was afraid of hurting peoples' feelings. She never wanted to say "no", so her response to an awkward situation was to remain silent. Well, guess what? She was raped at 16 years old... and she became pregnant afterward. I'm not saying this to scare you, or to make you feel bad for not standing up for yourself. I'm saying this so that you'll realize just how severe the consequences CAN be, if you're not willing to do what's necessary to protect yourself (physically and emotionally) in awkward situations like the ones you described above. If it helps, weigh the pros and cons. Do the cons of ticking someone off REALLY outweigh the potential cons of being raped, catching an STD, getting pregnant, or being physically/emotionally harmed?