he promised...

[jasminexarianna]

Please just take the time to read through this whole mess && help me out.

My name is jasmine && my boyfriends name is nathan. we've been dating for 11 months && we are in love...no doubt about it. so please dont say im too young && i dont know what love is and stuff like that. nathan && i have always been really close. we tell each other everything.

but we come from different worlds. we are in a long distance relationship ( well thats what we call it. he lives like 63 miles away and we cant drive yet. both of our parents arent too happy about driving 2 and a half hours.) i met him at theatre camp, but thats not important. anyways...he lives in conyers...in a kinda bad area of town. everyday he's exposed to terrible language, filthy/pervy jokes and people, and worst of all...drugs. weed to be exact. some of his friends smoke it. he swears its not addictive, although he'd never tried it.

ive lost family members because of weed. ive seen lives completely ruined because of it. when we started going out i made him promise me he would never try drugs. especially weed. we talk on the phone every night, and one night he told me that one of his buddies offered weed to him but sweet nathan said no, because he remembered the promise he made to me.

one day, he told me he'd met this guy named Paul. and paul was awesome. paul did what he wanted and didnt take crap from anybody. he knew what he wanted in life and he went for it. after a little more conversation i found that paul was a pothead. nathan told me that he didnt like that paul smoked pot. he just liked his go-get-em attitude. but i was still a little worried about nathan hanging with this guy. pauls a strong guy. tall, built, intimidating.

anyways, remember how ii told yall that i met nathan at drama camp? well a few weeks ago he camp up to roswell for that drama camp :) it was gonna be a great week! but the whole week he seemed a little off. when i asked him about it, he said it was because he was sad he was gonna have to go home at the end of the week and he would miss me.

after that week had passed i asked him if he had any secrets, because i knew he didnt. but he said he did have a secret. only one. i was curious. was it a bad habit? did he secretly keep a diary? and then i started thinking the worst. oh god. he had cheated on me. but no. i was totally wrong.

last night i finally got him to tell me his secret. the conversation started and i said "you're not doing drugs are you?" and he said no. i said you didnt try anything did you? and there was silencce...i kept asking him to tell me what happened...the whole story and here it is ( im gonna typpe what he said ):::

nathan said,
"i got a call from my friend ryan. he told me to come over. so i did. i went over to his house and he said 'in a few minutes a guy is gonna come up and ask you if you want to go for a walk. you will say yes. man, dont f*** with this guy' and so i sat there for a few minutes and this guy walks up. he introduced himself as paul. and ryan and i followed him into the woods. and we sat down. paul taught me everything. he taught me how to smoke it and hold it and what to do if the cops show up and how to not get caught...etc...and so we took of our shirts so the smell wouldnt get on them and we smoked it. ~i said smoked what?~ marajuana. ~he then went on to describe each hit and i was sobbing my eyes out~ afterwads we went back to ryans house to get some pizza, ~laughing a little~ i had the munchies. i had a bad stomachache but i was still hungry. we played frisbee. i remember every time i missed it i laughed. i thought it was so funny. then i started feeling like i was gonna be sick. really sick. it was guilt. i felt so terrible for breaking that promise. because i love you. i swear i do jasmine. i love you. and im so so sorry. paul noticed i was feeling sick and said 'do u want me to call ur dad?' and i said no he wouldnt care. but you know, he really wouldnt! and normally i wouldnt give a f***! but man, pot puts your priorities straight. i almost started crying, because i really do want my dad to care. i love him."

he continued this story and we talked it over a little more. i dont know what to do....i need help and i need it fast...

if you have any more questions about what happened...just (idk how this thing works i just need help) do what u have to do.

thank you thank you thank you

~~jasmine && nathan

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I'm not entirely sure what you are asking for help with. But I'll try anyway .

People make mistakes. And that's what sounds like happened here. Nathan made a mistake. He sounds genuinely sorry. If I were you, I would ask him a) why he did it, and b) would he ever do it again. If you are satisfied with the answers to both of those questions, then your relationship can still work out. Assuming that he doesn't break your trust again.

Of course, all that depends on how much you are willing to forgive. For me, drugs would be a deal breaker. I'm not okay with them and I wouldn't be okay with my boyfriend taking them. But in Nathan's situation, considering the background he comes from etc., you might be willing to forgive this instance. But are you willing to forgive the fact that he kept it from you for however long?

In the end, it's your decision as to what to do now. You need to decide whether you can honestly forgive him and whether you can trust him again. A relationship won't work without trust, so if you can't trust him again, I'd say that your relationship is over.

I hope it all works out for you.

[99 Problems]

Personally I've never seen the issue with people who casually smoke weed. The fact of the matter is if you do anything too much it is bad for you. Everything in moderation, drinking, eating, sleeping etc etc.

As for your problem well as Shimmering said, he does sound genuinely sorry and perhaps if you can talk to him more about this you might be able to forgive him and carry on.

But communication is clearly the key here, and you just need to make it clear exactly how you feel about it and make sure he fully understands you cannot tolerate it.

Anyway good luck with the situation.

[StabMyHeartLover]

I'm not sure what you want advice on. I do think your overyacting on the whole "pot" thing. Thouhg shoudn't you have know that you where smoking it in the first place & not been shocked about it?

I do have to remind you, that it is your boyfriends life. If he would like to smoke pot that's his right. Just be happy he's not doing harder drugs, like coke, herion, or meth or even drinking...

Thouhg I don't think it was right of your boyfreind to get you to smoke it when he knows that you don't want to & don't want him to even do it in the first place.

"dont f*** with this guy' " That should be a warning sign right their. That would scare the hell out of me.

I gusse the best thing to do for you is have a long talk with your boyfriend after things have calmed down.

[I-Love-him]

Hi. I completly 100% understand where you are coming from.

My dad had serious issue's with alcohol, it has completly ruined our family! (drugs suck aye?) i vowed to never have anything to do with alcohol and to never date anyone who drank it because i knew how it can affect people! and to be honest, i don't care if someone drinks a tiny drop or a huge amount. It's my beliefs and values and when i started dating my boyfriend i asked him if he drank, he said no only on special occasions such as xmas. I was over the moon and fine with that! But i said to him that if he ever starts drinking more than on christmas days, i would have to think seriously about us beacause it affects my beliefs and values.

This is your belief and value and you have every right to be upset. he promised you he would never touch it!.Personally i would be concerned because he seems to be hanging with the wrong crowd and he's starting to do drugs!.

i think he and a lot of other people out there won't understand why your upset over this. But i do because i know how important it is to find someone who isn't involved in something you completly hate!

My only advise to you would be, sit down with him and ask him if he is going to do this again. If the answer is yes then you need to think for yourself. You say you are from different backgrounds and drugs have messed up your family? I take it you defiantly want no involvement in them what so ever? understandable, but the problem is if you date someone who is doing drugs then your going to find that it will become increasingly annoying! when they get high they will probly brag about it to you and trust me you aren't going to want to know! when i hear people brag to me about how drunk they got, i just couldn't give a toss! haha i don't want to know!

unfortunatly in your case, he is your boyfriend and you may have to put up with hearing about it else you might feel left out (if that makes sense) like you will want to know what happened BUT when you hear it, it may upset you.

Sorry for blabbing on, i just have a huge understanding of where you are coming from! when something effects us like drugs, drink etc etc we often react and want nothing to do with it. FAIR PLAY! and good for you! stick to your morals and beliefs and do what is right. If you feel like you couldn't date someone who does drugs (even if it's tiny amounts) then don't stay with him.

Hope i helped.

[Just Duckie]

I'm like the rest I'm not sure what advice your asking for exactly but drug use is different for each individual ...
I however can't be with someone if i dont trust them..I've been screwed over way to many times so if i don't trust someone then it's better to get out before your totally heart broken.
However if you are strongly against people who smoke pot i suggest you have a talk with your boyfriend and tell him that...tell him thank you for your honesty but you need time to think things threw ..spend some time apart and if you still are undecided after a week to sit down and talk things through a little bit more.
Hope I helped..

[Megan1]

The fact that he seemed so guilty about it and confessed to you, shows that he most likely won't do it again. Ask him if he would ever do it again. If he says no, trust him and don't let it hurt your relationship. People make mistakes. Make him promise you that he will never do it again. If he promises that, I'd believe him; he seems like a good guy from what you said. Maybe suggest (not demand, just suggest) that he doesn't hang out with those guys any more.

[jasminexarianna]

hello everyone and thanks for all your help! i talked to nathan and read him some of these replies and everything's back to normal. he sat down with me and looked me dead in the eye and said "i am not proud of what i did. it wasnt worth it and i am so so sorry. i hate what i did. i hate that it hurt you. i love you and thinking for just one second that something i did caused you pain...jasmine, i couldnt bear it. my only hope is that you'll forgive me and except me again. and i promise, with everything i have in me, that i will never tough that sh*t ever again. i swear it." and we hugged it out and stuff. we made up.

thanks everyone for helping me get my nathan back
i truly believe this experience has made us 10 times stronger

thank you thank you thank you
~jasmine && nathan

[PSY]

I'm so glad that things worked out for the two of you! =) Closing this thread now, since the issue has been resolved; however, feel free to post again!