Heartbroken...

[L.K.]

So there's this girl (biggest cliche phrase on this sub-forum) who is a very close friend that I have a thing for. She's beautiful, smart, a very nice writer, funny, and definitely fun to be around with. Everything about her entrances me and I really want to be with her. Only problem: She JUST started dating a mutual friend that she's liked for a while. Normally I'd be fine with it despite my disappointment and hurt, but this guy is honestly not ready. I don't mean to bash him but he is definitely immature (called/calls girls hot in front of his girlfriend [before they made it official], etc.) and not ready for a serious relationship. My best friend and I just hate the fact that it's HIM she's with.

Now, I'm completely shattered. I can't sleep at all. All I'm doing now is just crying over her (Real hot, right?). I've heard all the "move on, you'll meet someone new" phrases and such, but there's a little problem: I'm in love with her. I know most people wouldn't believe me when I say that at this age and I understand that, but I have absolutely no other way to describe my feelings for her. So now I'm just going to pretend I've moved on in front of people and yet still keep my love for her.

Is there anything I can do to ease the horrible heart break I'm feeling? I don't want to hear any "Move on" stuff or anything of the sort because I want some variety in advice and not just a cliche answer, plus I've already tried for months and all it did was make my feelings for her grow.

Sorry for the length of the post btw.

[Adele]

There's not really alot you can do, you could.. A) tell her how your feeling, but if she doesn't feel the same way that's going to end badly. And I don't think in my experience it's a good idea.. I think it leaves yourself wide open and I personally lose atraction for guys that are too keen. But everyones different ? B) distance yourself from her, I don't mean shun her but don't be there and 'around' so much. It does take ages but not purposely being 'cliche' - time heals. I hope u feel better soon.. You never know you distancing yourself might make her realise she needs you around.

[wonderbread]

If she doesn't feel the same way for you, there is really nothing you can do. Yes I know it sucks but it is a part of life. Also one of the things you need to do. Is when you are around her (even though you may not have moved on) is act like you have.

Also if you have never told her how you feel, how is she supposed to know. Yes it could end badly but you don't know that. Take a chance and tell her. She may feel the same but if you never try you will never know. She could be sitting there with feelings for you too but think the way you are thinking too.

[PlayingPretend]

I would advise against telling her your feelings. Sure, people are going to say there's always that possibility she feels the same way, and true, you can't entirely rule it out, but it's also a fact that she's currently involved, and she's involved whether you like it or not. To be honest, though I'm all for telling someone your feelings, there are some situations in which I feel it's better to abstain from doing so and this is one of them. Why? Because most of the time, it ends badly, mainly (I assume) because it can a) be seen as an attempt to break up the couple, and whilst you might not be happy with who she's with, she, at this point in time, is and/or b) be relayed to the boyfriend. Perhaps naturally, there aren't very many people who are 100% comfortable and laid-back with someone else expressing love for their partner. I mean, say the roles were reversed. Say you were with this girl and this friend of yours came on to her telling her how much he loved and cared for her and how deeply his feelings ran.

You also mention that he's a mutual friend. On top of that, he's with someone you claim to be fully and completely in love with. To be honest, if both of those are the case, then I would advise you pay them both the respect they deserve. No, you might not be entirely supportive of their relationship, but you don't need to support what someone's doing to support that person, and part of supporting someone means being there without being overbearing. In my opinion, sharing your feelings with her, whilst she's involved with someone else, would be a breach of boundaries and it would cross the line into becoming overbearing. It would be, in my opinion, incredibly disrespectful to both her and her partner (your mutual friend). Again, think about it if the roles were reversed. How much would you appreciate someone else coming on to your girlfriend like that? No matter what they thought of you or the relationship, I think you, as anyone, would desire respect. Though it's the sad truth, a lack of that respect is often what ends friendships, and you could very well end up losing this mutual friend and this girl if you cross the line, which expressing your feelings does do.

Honestly, the best advice I can offer is to either wait it out. See where their relationship goes, see what happens, be there for her but keep your feelings on the back burner as much as possible, etc. But this could very well end up being detrimental not only to your emotional well-being but to any potential progress you might make. Another suggestion is to distance yourself from her. If you can handle it, keep in casual contact, but maybe, for your sake, it's best you not talk to her or see her as often, to both keep to the boundaries of their relationship and to help you heal and move on. Despite the fact you don't want to hear the "cliche" advice about how you should move on, how time heals all wounds, etc., sometimes that "cliche" advice is exactly the advice you need to hear, simply because it's the honest truth for the current situation. And that's what seems to fit here. Right now, getting over her seems like the best option, but you will need to get over her in your own time; distancing yourself from the person in question often seems to offer the best opportunity for that.

That being said, I wish you the best of luck in your situation. It's a very painful, very difficult one to be in; I've been there. But I did get out of it, and I do know it's completely possible to move on from the situation at hand. Good luck and stay strong!

[L.K.]

Thanks for the input, it really helps. Yeah, I was planning on pretending to move on and just act like I would be around normal people. At the same time I also was planning on just being there for her whenever possible. She cares about me (as a friend) and calls me the nicest guy she knows and I guess I am, so trying to distance myself will probably send off some warning signs to her.

I do have one question to ask about the moving on part. How can you try and heal when every single thing, even the most trivial, reminds you of the person you're trying to move on from? Any and all advice is much appreciated. Thanks for taking time to read this thread!

[Danzy]

try talkin to her and lettin her kno how u feel

[L.K.]

I don't think that will even go remotely well, seeing as how I was told that she was allegedly not interested (heard from a friend but don't know if it was true) and she has liked this guy for the entire sophomore year. :\

On another note, the most ironic thing just happened. She is essentially praising me for being the nicest person she knows and how amazing I am, and that I'll meet a girl that'll definitely understand just that. She DOES understand that, and yet... yeah. Sorry for that little rant there.

[Work_In_Progress]

Originally Posted by L.K.

I don't think that will even go remotely well, seeing as how I was told that she was allegedly not interested (heard from a friend but don't know if it was true) and she has liked this guy for the entire sophomore year. :\

On another note, the most ironic thing just happened. She is essentially praising me for being the nicest person she knows and how amazing I am, and that I'll meet a girl that'll definitely understand just that. She DOES understand that, and yet... yeah. Sorry for that little rant there.

I know what that's like being called the sweetest person ever from your crush. It's really an idiotic comment to say because they feel that they are guilt-free after saying something like that.

If you've heard that she isn't interested in you, chances are that it's true. She is involved with someone at the moment after all. I personally could not stick around with someone that did not reciprocrate(sp?) my feelings for them, there is just nothing to be gained for me. There is nothing wrong with cutting her off, you'll still get to see her whenever your group of friends hang out. I just wouldn't even bother contacting her outside of that, because you'll just want her more and more and it might even lead to desperation.

Girls with boyfriends suck, really bad.

[L.K.]

Originally Posted by Work_In_Progress

I know what that's like being called the sweetest person ever from your crush. It's really an idiotic comment to say because they feel that they are guilt-free after saying something like that.

If you've heard that she isn't interested in you, chances are that it's true. She is involved with someone at the moment after all. I personally could not stick around with someone that did not reciprocrate(sp?) my feelings for them, there is just nothing to be gained for me. There is nothing wrong with cutting her off, you'll still get to see her whenever your group of friends hang out. I just wouldn't even bother contacting her outside of that, because you'll just want her more and more and it might even lead to desperation.

Girls with boyfriends suck, really bad.

How would cutting my crush/close friend off do that much good? Moving on could be easier but then I have to sacrifice a really good friendship that I'd rather keep and remain a friend, rather than losing it all because of some dumb feelings I have for them.

[Work_In_Progress]

That was just me personally. Perhaps you're a better person than me in this situation.

And don't ever think that what you're feeling for this girl that you think is smart and beautiful are dumb feelings. You think and know that they are genuine romantic feelings, therefore they are real and in no way 'dumb'. It's to your own discretion if you feel like you're able to handle keeping contact with her outside of when your group of friends all hang out together without getting bitter over time knowing that someone else is being intimate with her. Some girls/women I was able to just accept being acquaintances, others I couldn't bear seeing them at all.

There's no right or wrong choices. I was just offering my opinion.

And again, girls with boyfriends really suck.

[L.K.]

Oh sorry about that haha. I've been on edge since all this happened less than 3 days ago and I'm still feeling the side effects. I think I'll be able to handle it. Before the relationship started, I did nice things for her especially (more than what I usually do, which is still a lot more than most people) and I liked seeing her smile. Even if I'm not the one dating and even though I'm hurting horribly bad, her smile and laugh can easily make it easier on me.

By the way, do you mean that the situation of girls having boyfriends suck or the girls themselves suck? I couldn't tell which it meant haha.

[Work_In_Progress]

The situation of girls having boyfriends, they really do suck. Why bother with them while you're single(and looking)? Nothing more dishonorable than falling for someone who's already taken then plotting to attempt to take them for yourselves. I really do think it's a waste of time being friends with a girl who is already taken. Only on that part am I ranting!

All right, it seems you've made your decision to still stick around her like you always have, I hope that she is grateful to have a friend like you.

[WillO'Wisp]

I know the feeling of heartbreak. The only guy who I've ever fallen in love with, the one who I thought was the one, the only one who has broken my heart which I am still mending from, just very recently actually...he was the one who broke it.
Honestly, you can't force yourself to get over it, or force yourself to get better, or force the feelings away as much as you wish you could. You can't. You can only wait for time to mend your wounds, wait for the memories to fade with that time and your wounds will heal eventually. Just try not to be too depressed over it, and not think about it or concentrate on it too much, or wonder what could have been or would have been or what could've been done differently because now it's no point in thinking about that, nothing can be changed. I beleive everything happens for a reason which turns out to be the right reasons in the end, and the answers turn out to make sense in the end. I know right now it doesn't seem like it.
By all means, take time off from dating. I've gone off dating for a long time and I don't know if I'm going to date again, at least not for awhile...so I can understand your pain. But it won't always be this bad. If you need a friend I'm around anytime.
Hang in there!

[L.K.]

@Matt: Ahh ok that's what I thought you meant but just checking . Yes she's extremely grateful for being my friend. As I said before, she praises me for being this amazing guy and the nicest person she's ever met in her life. Think I need to live up to that still xD.

@Dragon: I do agree on that everything happens for some unknown reason, which we find out sooner or later. Yeah I haven't dated since last year and honestly, probably can't find the strength to for a long time after what just happened to me. Thanks for the advice .

[Rise]

Hey, i know how it stings when that happens, when someone u like goes out with someone that doesn't deserve her. it's natural how your feeling, you just are really attracted to her. You can't sleep because the fact that you think this girl is better than your dreams. It normal

But i would do to get my mind off is, just relax and hang with your friends, just go beach laugh and have fun. I bet when your having loads of fun with your friends, you don't think of her right? Take things really slowly; live your life to the fullest, jusr do what you love that helps

Also if you still like her. Take this as time to form a plan to win her heart over when she's single again.

This is from a song tittled (wait for you-elliot yamin). But take this quote for hope and motivation (it really helped me)

"So baby I will wait for you, Cause I don't know what else I can do, Don't tell me I ran out of time, If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you If you think I'm fine it just ain't true I really need you in my life, No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you"

[L.K.]

Um... yeah I think of her no matter no what. I'm not even kidding, it's kind of annoying now that it also brings pain :\. Anyone ever felt like this, where they literally think of that one special person 24/7, no matter the circumstance? I can't sleep as much now... I need help.

Haha the quote actually did help out a lot with the heartbreak. Thank you very much for that.